The Power of Goodbye
by xX-Misty
Summary: A new recruit arrives at 1998 Fenchurch East whose life is hanging in the balance back in her own world, but she is strangely at ease with her situation and no one can work out why. She seems to know everyone a little too well for comfort but there's fake gear to seize and plenty of distractions to keep the truth at bay. Will she ever reveal her real identity?
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

_"Drake, your team moves round the back. Dawson, take Nicey Spice and wait round the front in case they take the traditional exit. Batman, I want one of those barking arseholes at every side of this building. Stringer… Oi! Metal Mickey, stop threatening Bammo. You're needed to identify the girls. Are you ready, ladies and gents? Let's get this place torn apart in record time and be home in time for Robot Wars."_

_"Gene, I told you, you are not getting a radio controlled Matilda for Christmas."_

~X~

Her head hurt.

It was throbbing like nothing she had ever felt before.

She had pretty much expected that, of course, but even so it hurt like hell.

The moment she felt the searing pain and heard the _thwack_ of the object against the back of her head she knew she'd been ambushed. In that split second, just before she lost consciousness, her mind went through enough information to fill an encyclopaedia. She knew that within a moment the man she'd grasped would be free and legging it. She knew there were two colleagues in the corridor outside and desperately hoped they would be able to take on her suspect and her attacker. She knew that someone would be on hand to call her an ambulance. She wondered who was going to do the terrible job of calling her next of kin. Then she realised she didn't _have_ any next of kin and with that came her final realisation before the darkness took her over and her body fell to the floor.

X

"_Three, two, one – activate!"_

"_Gene!"_

_"Alright, go, go, go, go. Move it!"_

X

Very slowly she opened one eye. She wasn't in that grotty warehouse now. She could feel the air on her face as the chilly February wind began to bite at her skin. Groaning, clutching her head and struggling to right herself, she slowly began to rise to a sitting position with the world twisting and spinning in her concussed field of vision. Finally persuading her eyes to fully open, she blinked and stared.

_Chaos._

X

"_Oof! BATMAN! Watch it, I just got a dog in the head!"_

"_Sorry, Guv…"_

"_They're heading out the front! Jake, it's up to you."_

"_With you, Ma'am."_

X

"What…" she grasped the wire mesh fence behind her and used it to pull herself to her feet as her eyes widened, "_who…?"_

She blinked a few times and took one tiny, shaky step after another towards the action. From a small, grubby building not unlike the one she'd taken a blow to the head in, people were running and officers were pouncing. Some were in uniform, others were not. There were dogs as well, some of which were going a little crazy.

"_Oh my god…"_

One step after another, she edged closer to the confusion, her mouth dropped open and her eyes darted from side to side, just trying to take it all in. That's when her attention was caught by a woman, maybe ten years her senior, giving chase to two unpleasant looking gentlemen who she managed to run into a corner. Grasping each one by the back of their dark jackets, the woman addressed them.

"_You're_ nicked," she told one of them, "and _you're_ nicked."

"No, it can't… _can't_ be… it _can't_…"

Her eyes moved downward and took in the dated uniform that clad her body. She swallowed hard and worked on staying upright as her legs shook and trembled. It felt like a dream, but she'd never, _ever_ had a dream that felt so real. Her vision returned to the chaos around her where a young brunette was attempting to restrain a dog that was barking furiously at a suspect who appeared to have had an accident in his pants, the guy jamming another suspect so hard against the fence that _his_ pants were about to suffer the same fate and what appeared to be a collaboration between Boyzone anf the Spice Girls as what seemed to be Ronan Keating and Scary Spice tackled another to the ground between them.

"Shoebury, get in there and make sure the bloody computers stay in one piece!"

"Shoebury?" she gasped and drew her hands to her mouth as she watched a tall figure with vague curls half-run towards the building followed by a dark hared man in uniform with a dog pulling him in the same direction.

"_Wait, Si, I want to double check for explosives."_

"Oh my _god_," she gasped. She knew that voice. She even knew the back of that head.

"Nailer's got you paranoid, you know."

"Just want to be on the safe side!"

"They're not all going to put explosives in their computers, you know!"

"_Guv."_

Her head and attention snapped back in the other direction at the sound of a female voice and immediately her legs began to give way beneath her, "_Got two."_

The shock of blonde hair, the piercings, the ink peeking out from beneath her clothes…

"Oh my _god,"_ she could barely believe it. She _couldn't_ believe it. Was this even real? She _had_ taken a pretty hard blow to the head, but –

Before she could think about it any longer a speedy figure tore out from the warehouse, clad in black from head to toe. He barrelled in her direction with a barking lunatic in hot pursuit, followed by the uniformed brunette and Scary Spice.

"_Stop him!"_ the brunette yelled.

Stop which one? The suspect or the dog? Instinct kicked in and she made a grab for the suspect but the dog had gained so much momentum that he couldn't stop and struck her with enough force to knock her flying. Her back hit the metal fence and winded her as the suspect scrambled back to his feet, only to be brought down by the dog.

Her head was spinning; she felt dizzy and disorientated and so much about the situation made little sense to her, but at the same time so much finally started to fall into place.

"Oh my god, are you alright?"

"Are you hurt?"

She tried to pull herself together for long enough to reply but she was still in a state of shock and not together enough to respond as the brunette and Scary Spice reached her and knelt down beside her.

"Are you OK?" Scary Spice asked her again.

"I'm _so_ sorry, he gets a bit over excited sometimes," the brunette told her.

"What's your name?" Scary spice asked, "are you with us?"

She blinked and tried to form a coherent sentence but only managed a

"_What?"_

"'Couse she is," the brunette nodded, "starting today, aren't you?"

She swallowed, her mouth increasingly dry.

"I am?" she whispered.

"You got your warrant card with you, love?" Scary spice asked.

"Um…" She had no idea. Her hands trembled as she reached into her pocket and tried to find it but a voice stopped her in her tracks.

"_Found them."_

Her heart almost froze in her chest as she looked up and saw the pretty woman walking towards the slightly battered suspect who was now cuffed and being dragged back onto his feet by a large man in a heavy coat.

"The pills or the prozzies?" the large man asked.

"Both," the woman said, looking fairly pleased, "Kim's taking the girls to the cars."

"Miss? Are you alright?" The brunette sounded concerned but she couldn't speak. She couldn't respond at all. Very slowly she got to her feet and, as though she couldn't see the two ladies beside her, she began to slowly walk forward, staring in shock and astonishment.

"Been a good afternoon all in all," the large man responded, giving the cuffed man a fairly heavy shove, "never mind Robot Wars, we'll be home in time for _Whittle_."

"I've told you, Gene, I'm not watching anything on Channel Five."

"_Gene?"_ she closed her eyes and swallowed. It had been a long time since she'd heard that name, "that's Gene _Hunt?"_ she forced herself to open her eyes again and took a better look at him; the dark blonde hair, the leather gloves and the coat that seemed to have a good couple of decades under its belt. _"That's _Gene Hunt. _Shit."_

"_You've still got sand in yer pants because the retuning prat scratched the telly top."_

"_It's your fault anyway! I thought you said tuna! I thought you were making fishy biscuits, otherwise I'd have been there to supervise!"_

"_Stop yer trap from flapping and get these gentlemen a nice cosy cell for the night, Drakey."_

"Oh my _god,"_ she swallowed hard. She felt strange, almost sick but not in a bad way. Far too much emotion rose inside of her and threatened to throttle her. She shook her head and took another step forward in disbelief, "It's real. It's _true."_ She swallowed again, "it's _all true."_

"What is?" the brunette seemed increasingly concerned by her behaviour.

Slowly she turned around, biting down hard on her lip.

"_Everything_," she whispered.

Finally her legs crumbled beneath her. It was all too much, she couldn't take any more. Her eyes closed as her head spun faster and faster and the gravity of the situation brought her crashing to the ground.

X

From a distance, Alex and Gene exchanged a glance, then a sigh, and finally Alex spoke.

"Are you going to get the smelling salts or shall I?"

**~xXx~**

_**A/N: Yikes, here we are again, start of another instalment. Welcome to 1998. Thanks for following thus far and I hope you enjoy this fic. We're back to form with a good helping of angst – and plenty of silliness as well :P**_

_**Thanks once again to Jess for helping me pick the title from a whacking-great short-list when I was freaking out because I couldn't narrow them down! Updates on this fic might be sparser than you're used to for a number of reasons but don't worry, it doesn't mean I'm not writing or not continuing. Thanks for being patient! I will also be starting a Doctor Who crossover with my fics later in the week. Don't worry, you won't be missing anything by not reading it but if you do it does fit in with canon.**_

_**I should just have the disclaimer tattooed on my forehead – I don't own A2A or any part of it You know which bits I own, even down to the bloody canteen sprouts. Lastly, I hope that you enjoy this story – and thank you so much for continuing to follow this series. You've no idea how happy it makes me to know people are still enjoying it :)**_


	2. Chapter 1: The Passenger

**Chapter 1**

Simon walked from the building with a team of officers carrying computer equipment behind him. He breathed out heavily as Robin followed him.

"That was easier than expected," he commented but the strange looks on the faces of their colleagues made Simon wonder if Robin's statement was actually accurate after all.

"What's going on?" he asked and Robin shrugged.

"Don't know," he said, and together they broke into a small run to reach their friends where Gene was looking somewhat pissed off, Alex tired and Kim confused.

"What's going on?" Simon asked and Gene nodded towards a small crowd of figures gathered around the wire fence.

Gene took out his flask.

"We've got a floater, he said.

"A –" Simon wrinkled up his nose, "_why_, Gene? _Why_ did you do it?"

"He means a new recruit," Alex explained calmly, "someone who," her voice hitched a little, "doesn't completely belong."

Simon froze.

"_Ahh,"_ he said quietly, "I see." A moment of panic came over his face, "Oh no, _no, no_, don't tell me it's mine!" he knew he was about due a new recruit after his entire team had perished in the explosions, "Oh god, it's going to be another Vickery, isn't it?"

"Relax, Shoeboy, let yer testicles drop down from their hiding place, this one's not for you."

"How can you be so sure?" Simon asked suspiciously.

"Because she's wearing her majesty's uniform," Gene said somewhat smugly, turning his stare onto Robin. "Welcome to my world, Batman."

Robin swallowed.

"Oh no."

"Oh _yes."_

Robin shook his head and took a step back.

"B-but I don't know what to _do…"_ he jabbered.

"Again, welcome to my world."

"Are you _sure_ it's for me?!"

"You made it more than a year before you got your first one." Alex told him, "that's fairly impressive!"

"Yeah, it was about time you got a taste of it!" Simon said, suddenly joining Gene in the smug stakes now that he knew the recruit wasn't his.

"Well," Robin gulped, "she can't be _that_ bad, surely?"

"_I_ was," Alex told him.

"Yeah, and me," Kim raised her hand.

"You have no idea how bad _I_ was," Simon added, folding his arms as Robin stared out in distress.

"_Shit,"_ he declared.

"About time you had your proper initiation, _Mister Stringer_," Gene mocked, "go on – go and say hello, then meet me in CID at five o'clock and I'll show you me filing cabinet technique."

"You can't do that to a woman!" Simon cried.

"He did it to me," Kim scowled, folding her arms.

"He said women, not robots," Gene told her and received a good view of Kim's middle finger for the comment.

As they watched Shaz began to run in their direction. She seemed a little concerned.

"Sir," she addressed Robin, "that's our newbie. I think she's got concussion, sir."

Robin bit his lip.

"She has?"

"One of the dogs knocked her over and she must have hit her head," Shaz told him, "she's asking some really weird questions."

Robin cringed as those around him folded their arms and tried not to laugh.

"Right," he said despondently.

"Jake is checking her over," Shaz continued, "but first aid only goes so far. I think she needs to see a doctor."

"Go on then, Batman," Gene nodded in the direction of the new recruit, "go and meet your worst nightmare."

Robin swallowed, then turned around.

"Here goes nothing," he said pathetically and started to follow Shaz towards his new recruit.

"Poor Rob," sighed Simon

Kim glanced at him anxiously.

"Is it _that_ bad then?" she asked nervously, clearly dreading the day her own new arrival made his or her appearance.

"Nope," said Simon. He looked at her, "it's worse."

"_Shit,"_ Kim shook her head slowly, "poor Rob."

It was probably time that Robin received his first recruit if they were honest. He'd been in the world for a little over a year. It had been a strange anniversary to cope with for Robin as many bad memories of his arrival to the world, fight to get home and subsequent death troubled him. He wasn't sure that Simon and Kim's gesture of marking the anniversary with a Deathday cake was appropriate either.

"_Simon, you know I love Red Dwarf every bit as much as you but I don't want to be Arnold Rimmer, you know,"_ he'd said at the time.

The gesture was made even more unpleasant by the fact that Simon and Kim pooling their cookery skills was about as effective as Keats and Layton pooling their counselling skills. He wasn't sure about the green topping they'd added after a trip to the canteen either.

As the new year began 1998 felt like a fresh start for everyone after a deeply traumatic year. There were good things ahead for the station and its staff. Gene and Alex were busy planning their wedding and feeding/ignoring Gene's cyberpet respectively, Robin and Kim were getting used to living a normal life together, Jake had finally let himself open up to a relationship instead of courting his paperwork at night and Marci and Shaz were enjoying the perks of falling in love while loving life as well. After all both had been through they were good for each other.

It was only Simon who felt disconnected and down. To the others he seemed lonely, like the wallflower of the team, but despite their best efforts to set him up with various pleasant gentlemen and to push him back '_on the market'_ he would always politely smile and make an excuse.

"_It's time to move on_," they told him before they received another mumbled excuse. But they didn't understand that he _had_ moved on – it was simply that the person on whom his sights were fixed was an unacceptable option. Not that Keats had even been seen since Christmas Eve. After finding the bottle outside of his door on Christmas day Simon had watched faithfully for another appearance; footsteps in the dark, a feeling of being watched, another little offering outside of his door but nothing happened. Perhaps Keats had finally worked out what he wanted, and found that Simon wasn't it? Simon tried hard not to think about that, or even that he had feelings for Keats in the first place, but as hard as he tried to block them out they came flooding back over and over again without warning.

He shook himself out of his thoughts as Gene shoved a flask under his nose.

"Looks like we're in for some entertainment," he told Simon.

"What?" Simon felt a little confused.

"I'm running a book," Gene told him, "how many minutes 'til she hits him. My money's on three."

"I'm not putting bets on people hitting Robin!" Simon cried, "besides hes not a very… _hittable_ person."

"_You've_ hit him," Gene pointed out.

"We were having a _fight!"_

"_Stringer's_ hit him."

"I have _not!"_ cried Kim.

Gene looked surprised.

"But you hit _everyone."_

"No, I _threaten_ to hit them, there's a difference," Kim told him.

"What's going _on_ over there?" Alex strained her neck to see, "I can't tell?"

"We need binoculars," said Gene.

"Or opera glasses," said Simon and everyone stared at him. _"What?"_

"Don't try to raise the tone, Shoebury," Gene told him, "there's a baseline and we're on it."

"He's coming back!" Kim hissed, a little anxiously.

"_Uh oh,"_ Simon braced himself

"He doesn't look _too_ distressed," Kim commented as Robin walked affably towards them.

"Bollocks he isn't, he's crying inside," Gene scowled.

Kim moved forward as Robin approached them.

"Well?" she asked nervously, well aware that her turn was probably next, but to her surprise Robin gave a sort of a shrug.

"It was fine," he said.

Four faces stared in his direction.

"What do you mean '_fine'?"_ Simon challenged.

"It ruddy wasn't," Gene told him.

"No, really, it was," Robin shrugged again.

Alex frowned.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Nothing really," Robin shook his head a little, "she's nice."

"_Nice?!"_ Gene almost exploded, "Batman, new recruits of a certain nature are not _'nice'._ They need appraisal from the filing cabinet!"

"What did she say?" Kim asked him.

"Not much really," Robin shrugged again, ""she asked me what year it was and when I told her she said OK."

Gene scowled.

"'_OK'_?!" he repeated.

"Yeah."

"You're obviously doing it wrong," Gene huffed, pacing up and down.

"She was fine," Robin insisted.

"We'll see about that," Gene huffed, turning to walk towards her.

"Gene, _wait_, don't go upsetting her, she's had a _fall!"_ Robin tried to stop him but to no avail. "Oh _god_, this won't be good."

"Don't worry, Gene's a professional," Alex told them as they aimed suspicious glances in her direction. "A professional at upsetting every new person who walks into Fenchurch East," she concluded.

They watched as Gene approached the lady and spoke to her, arms folded, for a few moments before she rose angrily to her feet.

"Oh dear," said Robin.

"That doesn't look good," Simon agreed.

They watched the young woman put her hands on her hips and begin arguing angrily with Gene.

"Someone's cloned Kim," Robin commented which earned him an elbow in his ribs from the woman in question, _"Ow!_ Shit!"

"Uh oh," Alex started to cringe, "I've seen that look…" she watched as the woman made an attempt at physical violence and recalled a punching incident from her own past. "Now someone's cloned _me."_

They watched as Marci, Shaz and Jake attempted to keep both the new recruit and Gene from murdering one another and finally pulled them apart. While Jake tried to cool down the angry officer Gene stomped back to the waiting gathering. He zeroed in on Robin and told him angrily,

"I want that firecracker extinguished and in my office; cool, calm and collected, by five o clock. I need her name, rank and bloody serial number."

"Does she still come under you?" Robin asked, "In mean, because of who you are… are you in charge of her?"

"Batman I do not have the slightest _hint_ of anything clue-shaped in me head about this one," Gene said. He seemed genuinely perturbed by this.

"Well what's happened with uniform before?" Robin frowned, "apart from the ones who have helped out with your admin and stuff?"

"You're asking me?" Gene couldn't contain his frustration, "How would _I_ bloody know? Not much of a precedent for this." He saw confused faces staring at him. "Only been one," he said to clarify as Robin looked bewildered.

"Who?"

Gene fixed his stare on Robin.

"You."

Robin took a literal step backwards and shuddered. He'd just assumed that there had been many others over the years before he arrived. What the hell had all the other uniformed officers been doing? Or were they simply not as traumatised as Robin had been?

"Me?" he said quietly and Gene gave a slow, deliberate nod.

"We're all floating in the unknown here," he said gruffly, "she's at the end of your lead, pun intended."

"So why do _you_ want to see her?" Robin frowned.

"Oh Gene, you're not going to pick another fight are you?" Alex sighed witheringly.

"I assure you I'll leave me boxing gloves behind," Gene told them and started to walk to the car. The strange turn of the day had worn him down and he needed to get moving; to pace it out, to drive at speed and chase away the worry. He knew it was going to happen sooner or later but Robin's first 'floater' had caught them all unawares. It was yet another sign of how much the station – and his world around them all – were changing and it left him feeling a little adrift. He glanced back at Robin, Simon and Kim, the 'next generation'. He had a strange feeling this was the start of a whole new era.

That was a thought that scared him more than anything.

_**~xXx~**_

_**A/N: Watch out for hit songs from 1998 used as chapter titles!**_


	3. Chapter 2: It's Like That

**Chapter 2**

She felt as though she was being led to the gallows as she took the long, slow walk through CID and arrived at the foreboding door. The name _DCI Gene Hunt_ was emblazoned upon the glass and she knew that he was already waiting for her on the other side. She closed her eyes, swallowed hard and took a very deep breath.

This was it. _Finally_. After all those years she was going to look him in the eye and see for herself if he was really real, if it was all true. She was going to confront the questions that had haunted her for years.

The reason she was alone.

"_Firecracker."_ She jumped a mile as an angry voice pulled her out of her thoughts and the door to the office opened. Inside she found him standing, glaring, waiting for her. "Don't stand on ceremony. Come in."

Her breath was staggered as she tried to keep herself from falling over. Was this it? This was _him?_ She knew she'd already encountered him once outside but the shock and her subsequent threats of violence had blurred her mind and she'd taken little in.

_Pull yourself together,_ she told herself. _You've wanted this opportunity for years._

She took another deep breath, then put one foot in front of the other and walked slowly forward.

X

As Gene slipped behind his desk he eyed the woman warily. There was something about her that made him feel uneasy but he couldn't put his finger on what that was. It wasn't her attitude – it was nothing that he hadn't encountered before. It seemed to come with the territory. But there was something… _odd_. Something that didn't sit right with him.

"Drink?"

He felt reduced to basics. He was going to take this one step at a time. Robin having his first recruit had disturbed Gene because it was the first one aside from Robin himself to be out of Gene's jurisdiction. He didn't even have her papers, those had gone to Robin. Simon's, Alex's, even Kim's – all their recruits ended up as files on his desk. But this was different.

He reached into a drawer and pulled out a bottle and a couple of glasses, watching the woman's expression carefully. She took note of the drink he was offering and pulled a slight face.

"No, thank you," she said, holding up a hand of refusal that made Gene frown.

"Not a brand new member of the lemonade brigade?" he asked and she gave a nervous laugh.

"No," she said, "that is… well, I used to drink a little too much, so I stopped completely, but then I… well, I drink in moderation now," she blathered nervously. "but I'm not a scotch drinker. I usually stick to wine."

"Sorry, I'm not running a bar," Gene narrowed his eyes and closed the drawer.

"That's just as well," the woman said with an anxious laugh before she looked shocked that she had spoken and fell silent fairly swiftly. Gene wanted to ask what she meant by that but he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer. There was definitely something about her that didn't seem 'right'. He took a long swig from his bottle ignoring the glasses completely and sat down, motioning for the woman to do the same. He narrowed his eyes again as she sat in the chair opposite.

"What's yer name?" he asked.

"Kay," she told him.

"Kay?" Gene repeated, "Like the name?"

"No, like the letter K," the woman said flatly, "my friends can't handle a three-letter name so they reduced it to the letter K."

Gene's eyes narrowed again. She _had_ to have been using sarcasm and yet her voice was straight and the comment presented without irony.

"Kay what?" he demanded.

Kay closed her eyes momentarily as though she was being asked to give up trade secrets.

"Kay Alexandra," she said relucytantlly.

"Age?"

"Twenty six."

"Date of birth?"

Again Kay looked stricken momentarily.

"What year are we in again?" she asked.

"Why? Born yesterday were you?" Gene asked, "or is that what you about me?"

Kay closed her eyes again and did some fast working out in her head.

"Seventy two," she said hesitantly, "I was born in nineteen seventy two."

"Well I didn't think you were born in _eighteen_ seventy two," Gene narrowed his eyes, "not without a bloody good plastic surgeon." The fact that she'd thought to specify the century confirmed her true nature but she wasn't behaving like any recruit Gene had seen before. It felt as though she was playing along, humouring them. He continued to glare at her for a moment before he started to speak.

"WPC Alexandra, it appears you –"

"Sergeant," Kay frowned.

"Your chief inspector says you're a WPC," Gene folded his arms, expecting fireworks but none came. She gave a little shrug and said with gracious acceptance;

"OK. I'm a WPC."

Gene stared at her, unable to work her out. He didn't like that. He was scared of very little but the one thing that worried him was something he didn't understand. His eyes scanned her over; her immaculate mid-brown hair dyed with a hint if a reddish tinge that ran to just past her shoulders, eyes that worked hard to conceal a million truths, the little dents in her skin where her face had once been adorned with jewellery that over time she had outgrown the desire to wear and left to close and heal. At the top of her arm he could see a dark patch of colour beneath the flimsy white material of her sleeve where a hefty piece of ink surely laid but the moment she saw him looking she reached up with her left hand and covered the area as innocuously as she could.

His stare turned back to her face, trying to work out her expression. There were things about it that he didn't like as he watched her eyes scanning him as though she was trying to work _him_ out too. She stared at him critically as though _she_ was the one giving _him_ an appraisal. She looked at his dark blond hair that probably needed a trim, his weathered face that had seen more life in death than most would ever know, the stubble upon his chin from the all-night stake-out and raid that had left him _sans razor_ and the smart yet worn attire he was reluctant to let go of.

His scowl deepened. He wasn't here to be approved by some toffee-nosed madam on her first day.

"WPC Alexandra," he began a little annoyed, "if this has been an indicator of your normal behaviour –"

"We got off on the wrong foot earlier," the woman interrupted him. He tried not to swallow as he fixed her in his disapproving glare. He didn't want her to see how daunted he was by the strangeness of her reactions. "I'd just had a fall. I think I bumped my head and I wasn't thinking straight." She hesitated, trying to work out what his blank stare meant. "I'm sorry," she pushed, "I didn't mean to be rude." She cringed, "or try to hit you. Can you accept my apology?"

To Gene's shock and dismay she held out her hand to shake his. He didn't know what to do. This wasn't normal behaviour for anyone who'd just arrived from another time and left him suspicious and quite perturbed. He stared at her hand for several moments before he grabbed one of the empty glasses and thrust that in it instead of his own hand.

"Drink to it and we'll say no more about it," he said.

"I told you I don't –" Kay began but her glass was full before she could do much about it.

"Welcome to Fenchurch," Gene said as he filled his glass and clinked it against the one in her hand. She hesitated momentarily. She was really going to have to do this, wasn't she? She didn't like scotch at all, couldn't stand the smell of it. It reminded her of a phase in her mid to late teens, escaping from all the trauma she'd been through, escaping her life by trying to be somebody else. It hadn't worked, of course, and it had its legacies as well, the ink that sat atop her arm for one, the hatred of the smell of scotch being another. It reminded her of people, places and difficult times. But she had little choice so she took a deep breath and downed it in one, working hard not to pull a face.

"Thank you," she managed to say without showing too much displeasure at the taste.

Gene scowled again. He was looking for something, _anything_, a way to trip her up, something to catch her out on – just something to complain about – but she was doing a very good job of not giving him anything to work with. He was about to launch into a tirade about her uniform being dirty, even though he couldn't care less about the dusty patches where she'd fallen to the ground, when the door opened and Alex walked into the room. She stopped as she saw Gene had company and asked,

"Is this a bad time?

"Never better, Lady B," Gene said, hoping that the presence of Alex could cool his growing temper enough to stop him from receiving a summons to visit the super and accept a lovely course of anger management therapy.

At the sound of Alex's high-heeled steps approaching Kay seemed to stiffen visibly. It gave Gene another excuse to frown as he watched her shuffle uncomfortably on the spot. Alex quickly arrived by her side and gave her a pleasant smile.

"I'm DCI Drake," she smiled, "I hear it's your first day."

Kay's eyes were turned downward, her face sheltered by its own shadow.

"Yes, ma'am," she croaked anxiously.

"Chief Inspector Thomas will make sure you are well looked after while you settle in," Alex smiled but the new recruit didn't look up.

"Yes," she mumbled quietly, "Thank you."

Alex frowned a little and glanced curiously at Gene who folded his arms and turned his glare up a notch.

"Time to go and let Chief Inspector Thomas look after you," he mocked as Kay looked up and tried to stop herself from returning the glare.

"Yes, Sir," she said.

"That's _Guv,"_ 'Gene scowled.

"Guv," kay looked as though she'd been sucking on a particularly bitter lemon as she corrected herself and turned around to walk to the door. Gene caught the glance back she gave before she left the room, her eyes focused on the back of Alex.

"Do you think you can work out how to use a door handle or are you going to be there all day?" he challenged and with a sigh Kay opened the door and made her exit.

Alex glanced back as she left.

"She seems… nice?" she said, half asking.

"Mmm, nice as a tonsillectomy," Gene replied, shuffling some papers to distract himself.

"She _isn't_ nice?" Alex asked.

"There is no answer to that question," Gene huffed, "because I don't think we've met her yet."

"What?" Alex's brow creased up as Gene stared beyond her, watching through the glass as Kay weaved away through CID.

"I don't know, Bolly," he stood up and took out the bottle again "I can't put me finger on it. But something doesn't add up with this one."

"In what way _doesn't add up?"_

"Big bag of secrets," Gene refilled his glass and brought it to his lips. "Playing a game with us, Bols. Only thing is, don't know what she thinks she has to do to win it."

"Perhaps she's just reacting differently," Alex said quietly, "so she's taken it on board right away. She's not fighting it the way I did. The way Sam or Simon or Kim did. That doesn't mean she's playing a game. It just means she has a different approach."

"It's the wrong one," Gene huffed. He gulped a mouthful of scotch, "she's depriving me of filing cabinet practice."

"_Gene."_ Alex looked at him seriously and spoke in a warning tone. When he looked at her he could tell she meant business. "This isn't your problem to worry about. It's Robin's. _She's_ Robin's. So step back and let her do her job," she accepted the bottle as Gene held it out. "Let _Robin_ do _his_."

"Badly," Gene mumbled but from the look on his face Alex knew he didn't mean that. He knew that Robin would do just fine. They both did. But the matter of the girl known as Kay Alexandra was another matter. Whoever she was Gene knew there was more to her than met the eye – especially when the woman wouldn't meet Alex's.

"Who the bloody hell _is_ she?" he mumbled but no one had an answer for him.

"Anther lost girl looking for her way home," was all that Alex could say.

For now, that explanation would have to do.


	4. Chapter 3: Big Mistake

**Chapter 3**

Kay returned to the canine unit feeling shaken and strange. She wasn't sure how she'd _expected_ to feel but in a way she was… _disappointed?_ Was that the word? She didn't really know. She just knew that she'd wanted the opportunity to have that conversation for so long, and now she had it didn't seem to resolve anything in her mind.

"Am I just dreaming this?" she whispered to herself. It wouldn't be the first time. She'd dreamed about it often enough over the last ten years, although not so much recently. Not for a while. Not since she signed up if she was honest.

"How are you settling in?"

Kay jumped a little as she heard the voice behind her and spun around, finding herself face to face with a ghost. She almost gave a gasp as she looked Robin in the eye. She knew that he was dead and buried. She lost count of the times she had visited his gravestone. And yet here he was, as large as life, in glorious 3D Technicolor. Shit, this was _real_, wasn't it? All of those dreams she'd had, all the times she thought she'd passed into another world, they had never felt completely real. But _this?_ She reached out and clasped the door frame. It was as solid as anything she'd ever felt, and with that motion her conviction in its reality became just as solid.

"Yes," she said quietly, quickly turning her face away, "I'm just learning the layout. It might take me a while to adjust. That's all."

Robin looked at her warily. She may have been taking everything in her stride but it had to be a strange situation to find herself in none the less. He remembered the day he awoke in the middle of the car park, lost in a world that he swore blind his brain had based upon Simon's own encounter. He was lucky that he did at least know what _Simon_ knew. He peered at the young woman before him. Could that be the case with her, too? Had a friend or a relative or a partner have once been a part of this world? Someone she was close to? Someone who trusted her enough to tell her the truth?

"You'll soon find your way around," he told her, "I'm going to ask Sergeant Granger to give you a quick tour then since it's late you'll be best off going home and starting properly in the morning." He flinched a little as he recalled his own arrival again, feeling so lost, wondering where he belonged. "You… _do_ you know where you live, don't you?" He wanted to slap himself the moment he had spoken. That was surely the biggest no-no he could have committed. He bit his lip and quickly added, "I mean, that bump on the head… must have been pretty bad…"

Kay turned to look at him finally and there was a strange expression on her face, as though she knew exactly what he really meant but was going to play along anyway. There was something strange about the way she looked at him, like she was regarding an old friend she hadn't seen in years. A certain fondness.

"Actually," she said, reaching up to rub her head melodramatically, "I _am_ struggling a little with remembering."

Robin hesitated. It felt like they were playing a game; both knew the way of the world but neither allowed to say it out loud.

"Try your pockets," he said quietly, "maybe you'll find something with your address in."

Kay gave him a slightly awkward smile.

"Um," she began, reaching into her pockets and rummaging. She fished something out and took a look at it. "Driver's license," she said, almost triumphantly. She flipped it open and found her address but she didn't recognise it. "Um…"

"Let me look," Robin said quietly, he took the licence from her and a slight frown crept across his brow. He felt a little weird as he said quietly, "I-I know this house… I know _of_ it… my fiancée… she lived there for a while."

He noticed a strange, silent smile creep across Kay's face and her eyes seemed to glazed over for a moment.

"Really?" she said quietly.

Robin nodded.

"She might be able to give you a lift or –"

"No, no, that's OK," Kay stepped back a little, "directions will be fine."

"Alright, if you're sure," Robin knew her responses were a little strange but there wasn't much he could do or say. He was starting to understand the horrible position Gene and the others found themselves in. "Well, let me find Sergeant Granger and get her to give you a guided tour while I sketch out a map," he suggested, "is that OK?"

Kay nodded with a distant smile.

"That's fine," she said.

Robin stepped away awkwardly and hurried into the office to look for Shaz. _Was this normal,_ he wondered? Was it normal to feel this way with every new recruit or was there really something so different about Kay? He was relieved to find Shaz settling some papers for the night and caught her quickly.

"Shaz," he began, "listen, I know it's almost time to go but can you do me a favour?"

"Of course, Sir," Shaz looked around, "what do you need?"

"The new girl," Robin began, "Kay. Could you show her round the station?"

Shaz smiled.

"No problem," she told him.

"_Slight_ problem," Robin countered.

"How do you mean, Sirt?" Shaz frowned and Robin closed his eyes.

"Shaz," he began quietly, "There's something you should know about her. About Kay."

Shaz looked at him expectantly.

"What's the matter?" she asked.

Robin glanced around, worrying that the desks were going to overhear and blab or something.

"I feel so awkward telling you this," he flinched, "But I know they told you… they _had_ to tell you the truth about this place. This world." He saw her look down, still feeling unsettled about the revelation, "_Your_ world," he was quick to say. Of all of them, Shaz was the only native. The only one who truly belonged.

"Yes," she said quietly.

"Kay's not from here," Robin whispered, "and unlike most of them… she knows it."

Shaz stared at him, unsure what she was supposed to say.

"Oh," she eventually said.

"She's still alive out there," Robin told her quietly, "she knows this isn't her home. But she's reacting… _differently_ to most of us. She's taken it in her stride, but there are still things she won't know. She might need help fitting in."

Shaz nodded with a slightly nervous smile.

"Of course, she said, "I'll do my best to help."

"And," Robin continued, "I know it's hard… I know it's _really_ hard but…" he gave a deep sigh, "we can't ever, _ever_ mention to her that this isn't her home, or that we know what situation she's in. Otherwise he whole thing starts falling apart."

"Will it be chucking out time again?" Shaz asked nervously and Robin shrugged.

"Who knows?" he said, "it could be. Or stars might start filling the sky. Things around here… they've been fragile as it is. Just… just be careful Shaz." He looked at her seriously. "She knows, and _we_ know that she knows, and she probably _knows_ we know she knows –"

"Stop…" Shaz held up her hand, "it's OK, sir, I get it."

Robin closed his eyes and gave a slightly awkward laugh.

"Right," he said quietly.

"And don't worry," Shaz reassured him, "I'll be fine," she nodded toward the doorway, "so will she."

Robin took a deep breath as she left the office and slowly he nodded.

"Yes," he said quietly, "yes, you will. Both of you."

He wasn't sure he would have taken the news as well as Shaz had but he was eternally glad they'd cleared the air between them. Shaz was a good friend to have on his side.

~xXx~

"I'll have six sugars in mine."

Kim glanced into CID as she passed with a file in her hands. Gene stood in the main office, looking as though someone had ruffled his feathers and he was looking for a victim to take the brunt of his frustration. Kim scowled. She for one wasn't going to be that victim.

"In what, exactly?" she asked.

"In me tea," said Gene, "that's what you're making isn't it? Only with that many holes in yer face you'll be able to strain it perfectly."

"_Ha bloody ha,"_ Kim wasn't in the mood for jokes about her body mods, "where did you get that one, your big book of Kim jokes?"

"You could probably strain it with other parts of yer body too," Gene continued with his repertoire.

"Might I remind you that both your fiancée and your illegitimate offspring went under the needle at my fair hands?" Kim raised an eyebrow, "why don't you go asking _them_ to strain your tea?" she hesitated. "In fact," she continued eventually, "I think you're the only one in the station without any piercings. None at all." She sighed and shook her head. "It's OK. Guv. Not everyone's built to handle that kind of pain."

"Handling pain?! I've taken more bullets than you've had hot dinners," Gene scowled.

"I live with Rob, that's never going to be the case," Kim said smugly.

Gene's scowl grew. He wasn't used to this. No one challenged his manly wit, _no one._

"Some of us don't need to turn ourselves into bloody human/robot hybrids to stand out in the crowd," he barked.

"No, just scotch/human hybrids instead," Kim told him.

"You can talk, Stringer!"

"I can?" Kim blinked innocently, "you mean all these rivets aren't stopping me from getting my words out? Wonders will never cease."

Gene grunted angrily and decided to try a different tactic.

"If you want to stand out from the crowd, you want to stop shoving lumps of mental through my ruddy team!" he demanded, "no one needs an army of Stringer clones!"

"I can't help it if I'm a trend setter," Kim found herself starting to enjoy this. She recalled the days when a few insulting words from Gene would send her storming out in a huff for the rest of the day. Now she gave as good as she got. The years between her first visit to the world and her return had helped her grow up an awful lot.

"Not to everyone you're not," Gene snapped, "people are shedding their face metal to escape the Stringer look."

Kim rolled her eyes.

"_Yeah yeah."_

"New girl's got a bunch of holes with nothing in them for a start."

Kim frowned a little.

"What do you mean?"

"Face full of them," Gene told her, "Lip. Nose. All the way up her lugholes. All empty."

"You chad chance to study her facial features while she was hitting you, did you?" Kim asked.

"_Trying_ to hit me," Gene told her, as though that made all the difference, "do I _look_ like a ruddy panda? No black eyes here."

"_Trying_ to then," Kim sighed.

Gene shook his head. He tried to think of another cutting remark but his heart wasn't in it suddenly. Thinking about Kay brought back those nagging anxieties and he couldn't ignore them. He found himself unable to keep quiet about them as he said,

"Spoke to her earlier. Something's not right with her."

"In what was is something not right?" Kim asked, "aside from the fact that she talked civilly to Robin instead of freaking out?"

"She's playing a right old game," Gene folded his arms, "makes out everything's normal."

"Isn't that what _we_ do?" Kim reminded him warily.

"We're supposed to!" Gene snapped, "floaters are supposed to be the ones running around stapling their ears and breaking toes!"

Kim sighed and scratched her head.

"So she's realised she's in a weird place and she's decided to pretend to be one of the locals to keep out of trouble," she said, "sooner or later _someone_ had to do it." She closed her eyes momentarily as a horrible thought came upon her. "Shit. _Evan."_

Gene narrowed his eyes at Kim.

"He's shaved a bit if _that's_ who you think it is."

"No, no, Evan's book," Kim sighed tiredly, "I bet that's it. You should come to expect this from now on, guv. Anyone who comes back after about two thousand and twelve… Evan's bloody book. They could have read about this. I mean, I was trying to stop him releasing it and I don't know what happened after I died –"

"No one's going to listen to a word that muzzy-chinned mollusc has to say," Gene interrupted quickly, "even if he released _Alex Drake: The Movie."_

"It's still a possibility though," Kim reiterated.

"Bollocks. We'd be flooded with coppers jumping from the rooftops by now if it was true." He noticed Kim flinched a little, "No offence, Stringer."

Kim wasn't sure this was an area she wanted to get into so she shook her head.

"Fine," she said quietly, "I just thought it was a strong possibility. But what do _I_ know? I'm only the woman who plunged to her death to save your fiancée from _Keats."_

There was an awkward moment of silence as both she and Gene realised their last comments has probably been a little too much. The look on Kim's face almost prompted a little guilt from Gene. _Almost_. He pulled a face as though he'd accidentally eaten a canteen sprout and looked away.

"Her games have got nothing to do with beardy weirdy," he said gruffly, "book, film or six-act opera. She'd have been asking me for me autograph by now." He shook his head. "No, whatever's behind her games she's not an Evan groupie."

"I can't believe you won't even consider it," Kim frowned.

"I'm listening to me gut," Gene told her.

"Ditto," Kim scowled.

"Not surprised, it's bloody loud enough," Gene teased and Kim's scowl deepened by three layers. She dropped her file, put her hands on her hips and leaned forward angrily.

"Leave my bodily functions out of this," she hissed angrily, "if you're so sure that bloody book has nothing to do with it why don't you put your money where your mouth is?"

"In what way?" Gene glared at her.

"If she's hiding something the truth will come out sooner or later," Kim told him, "tenner says I can find out her secret before you do."

"Ten whole pounds," Gene jeered, "however will I spend me winnings?"

"Twenty then."

"Last of the big spenders."

"Alright," Kim's ears were starting to redden with anger, "how much?"

"How much what?"

"You name the bet."

Gene crossed his arms again and stared at Kim.

"What if we made it more interesting?" he suggested.

"In what way?"

"I don't want yer money, Stringer," Gene told her, "but you've got something I do want." She stared at him blankly as he continued, "the love of me life."

"You told me I was _allowed_ to kiss her at christmas!" Kim began but Gene shook his head.

"The _other_ love of me life," he corrected.

Kim swallowed.

"What do you mean?"

"My Fiat."

Kim closed her eyes and let out her breath slowly.

"You just thought of your bloody car ahead of Alex!" she pointed out.

"And she never finds out about it," Gene said frantically, "unless you want me to wire yer facial jewellery to the mains and turn you into a bloody walking circuit."

Kim leaned against the doorpost. She stared at Gene, her mind considering options. The silence that followed began to unnerve Gene to the point where he practically shuddered. He was starting to realise that this was not the same Kim Stringer that he could wind up with a few words. Finally she spoke.

"Alright," she said nodding slowly.

Gene hesitated.

"Alright what?" he narrowed his eyes.

"Alright. You've got a deal. If you find out her secret first then I'll give you the Fiat." She swallowed, trying hard to keep her nerve against Gene's steely glare, "but if I find out first then you have to give me the _other_ love of your life." She swallowed, "I want a date. With Alex."

For one horrible moment Kim thought Gene was _actually_ about to explode. She'd read a little about spontaneous human combustion and she had a feeling she was about to witness a case first hand. He tried to stay perfectly still but the rage that built up quickly was making him shake.

"Are you actually fond of your limbs, Metal Mickey?" he bellowed when the shock had started to wear off, "or would you like me to rid you of them one at a time?"

Kim swallowed but didn't break her stare.

"What are you afraid of, guv?" she asked, "afraid I've got more balls than you?"

"What have I got to be afraid of, Stringer?" he barked, "especially when it comes to what I've got stashed in me slacks."

"It doesn't compare to what I keep under my bed," Kim told him, her arms folded and her glare at full power.

For the longest time their angry stares fixed on one another, neither sure what to say until finally Gene's nose wrinkled as though Kim smelt like mouldy kippers, he held out his hand.

"Alright, Stringer. You're on."

Kim reached out and shook on the deal before Gene could change his mind.

"Fine," she said.

Both stepped back and wiped their hands on their respective trousers as though worried of catching cooties from the other. Finally Kim picked up her file and turned around to march from the office before she had a chance to start smirking but Gene's angry voice called after her,

"You'd better get that stain scrubbed out the back seat before you give me back my car."

Kim glanced behind her.

"If I were you I'd worry more about adding to them," she said cockily and walked away before Gene could respond.

Boiling with anger, Gene _really_ began to rue the day he offered Kim a post in his domain. Yet a moment later he couldn't help but focus on the wrong thing entirely.

"She never even made me bloody _tea_!" he fumed.


	5. Chapter 4: Where Are You?

**Chapter 4**

"So what made you decide to go into the canine division then?"

Kay bit her lip and glanced at Shaz as they walked along.

"Oh, a family friend got me interested in working with the dogs," she told her, "after I joined up it was always what I wanted to do."

"Why did you move from your last station?" Shaz asked her, making a conscious effort to keep up the pretence and Kay looked down, scuffing her feet on the ground.

"My old job was becoming a bit of a headache," she said quietly with the moment she was struck on the head playing back through her memory. Involuntarily she reached up and touched her head. What was happening to her body out there? She tried to remember what little she knew about the whole process. Weren't there supposed to be voices on radios and mysterious phone calls or something?

"I'm sure you'll love it at Fenchurch East," Shaz told her, "if you feel unsure or nervous about anything just ask me, OK?"

Kay looked at her with a slightly awkward but grateful smile.

"Thanks," she said quietly.

Shaz stopped walking suddenly and pointed to a small, somewhat dilapidated house beside them.

"Here it is," she said a little unnecessarily.

Kay stared at the building. It wasn't exactly a palatial paradise.

"Oh," she said quietly.

Despite the fact that Robin had made a valiant attempt at drawing a map for Kay Shaz thought that she'd stand more chance of finding her home if she showed her the way than if she followed what appeared to be a giant anteater with traffic lights on it. Shaz had found it difficult at first to talk to Kay, always aware of her situation, wondering whether she was saying the right things or was about to let something slip. But Kay seemed as natural and relaxed as anyone Shaz had ever met which made it far easier for her to be natural as well.

"Maybe it's bigger on the inside?" she said as she looked at Kay's disappointed face.

"Hmm?" Kay realised how her expression must have looked to Shaz and tried to put on a false smile. "I'm sure it's fine." She wondered why Shaz wasn't questioning her reaction to the property, why she wasn't saying things like '_Haven't you seen the house before?'_ Was Shaz like Alex and Gene, she wondered. Was she one of them? Or someone like _her?_ She wasn't sure. In fact, her name rang a bell but she couldn't place it. "It'll do for now," she continued, turning back to the house, "I'm not expecting to be here very long."

"You're not?"

Kay didn't really want to elaborate on that so she reached into her pockets one by one until she found a set of keys.

"Thank you for the tour," she said to Shaz, "and for bringing me home."

Shaz smiled and shrugged.

"I knew where it was and it's on my way," she said, "and don't worry. I'm sure the house will be fine." She paused. "An old girlfriend of mine lived here once."

Kay froze. A little frown came on her face.

"Kim?" she asked, and Shaz seemed shocked.

"Yes," she said, "DCI Stringer to you, I suppose." She paused, "How… how did you –"

Kay froze up and swallowed. _Shit_, she'd been doing so well at this.

"Oh," she began quietly, "Rob- Chief inspector Thomas said that his partner used to live there and I… I just guessed, maybe… since you both work at the station… maybe that's where you all met." She was jabbering and she knew it. Her nerves weren't helped by the fact that the revelation jogged her memory and she knew where she'd heard Shaz's name now. She closed her eyes momentarily and took a deep breath, trying to ground herself. This really was _it_, the thing she had wanted for so, _so_ many years. Yet she was beginning to feel out of her depth. She needed a little time alone, to pull herself together. She gave Shaz a nervous smile. "Listen," she said, "thank you for walking me home. I think I'd better get in. Get changed. I'm still dusty." She brushed down her uniform a little.

"Of course," Shaz smiled, "It was nice to meet you, Kay. I'll see you tomorrow." She hesitated as a thought struck her. "You know, if you felt like taking your mind off things and getting to know everyone you could come out clubbing with us later?"

Kay hesitated.

"Who's 'us'?" she asked.

"Lots of us," Shaz told her, "you've met Marci. Chief Inspector Thomas will be there. And Kim." She noticed that Kay was looking extremely hesitant. "You don't have to," she assured her, "it's not everybody's scene."

"No, no, it's not that," Kay smiled anxiously, "It's just…" she trailed away. What _was_ it then? What excuse could she give?

"Think it will be a bit weird socialising with your boss?" Shaz asked knowingly and Kay smiled with relief. That seemed as good a reason as any.

"Yes," she said, "a little."

"It isn't," Shaz promised her, "it's different. It's nice, getting to know someone out of the uniform." She looked at Kay seriously. "Might do you some good. Help you feel at home."

Kay felt grateful to Shaz for the friendship and kindness she was offering. She could certainly see why Kim had fallen for someone so genuine and kind, but as much as Kay wanted to get to know her too she knew that there were good reasons not to get attached. She knew that better than most.

"I'm really tired," she said, "it's been a long day and I'm feeling a little bruised from my fall." Shaz looked a little disappointed and Kay felt a pang of guilt. "Perhaps tomorrow?" she said.

"OK," Shaz nodded with a smile, "but if you change your mind it would be nice to see you there. I can introduce you to some of the others. Do you know Turner Street?"

Kay didn't but it was easier to pretend than to receive a lengthy explanation.

"Yeah?"

"If you turn left at the end of the road there's a shortcut across the Bay estate, then you'll come back out to the main road. First turning on the left – you can see the neon glowing a mile away."

Kay gave her a wobbly smile.

"Thanks," she said quietly, "I'll see if I can make it.

"I hope you can," Shaz nodded, "anyway, if I don't see you later I will tomorrow." She smiled back, "Goodbye, Kay."

Kay raised her hand and wiggled her fingers slightly.

"Bye," she said softly as the brunette walked briskly away. She felt a little strange as she watched Shaz leave and a peculiar feeling crept over her slowly like a cloud passing overhead. It felt almost as though someone was watching her but she couldn't see anyone close by. "Hello?" she frowned. Quite suddenly the sun shone ten times as brightly as before. She screamed as it stung her eyes and she desperately tried to shield herself from it but even when she tightly closed her eyes it wouldn't stop. "What's _happening?!"_ she cried a moment before a loud voice pumped through her head.

"_Good pupil response,"_ it said, almost deafening her with its volume. She slowly tried to look upwards, despite the light, and even though it blinded her she could just about make out what seemed like a giant hand looming into view, gripping the sun in its colossal fingers. It took moments for her to realise that the light source wasn't what she thought.

"_That's not the sun,"_ she whispered to herself as the power of the torch made her shy away from the light again before it was switched off a moment later and she fell to the ground, exhausted and terrified from the experience. A little more distant and a little quieter this time she heard the voice speaking again.

"_I understand that you're highly worried about her but you have to understand that her condition isn't as serious as you've assumed,"_ she heard it say, _"all her responses to the tests look very positive."_

"_Yes, doctor, I am well aware of that,"_ a second voice began, a voice Kay didn't want to hear, "_but I'm sure you understand why I'm so concerned –"_

Kay thrust her hands over her ears. She growled angrily as the voice sent a cold shudder through her body.

"What the _hell_ are _you_ doing there?" she shuddered, "Get _out!_ Get out my room, get out my _head!"_ she gave a loud cry to drown out the voice as it continued to express its concerns and finally the bleedthrough seemed to fade as she was left screaming to no one with a couple of passers-by wondering whether she had gone completely crazy. Turning to shield herself from their glare she ran up to the house, fumbled the key into the unfamiliar lock and turned it. She slipped inside and closed the door behind her, breathing heavily. The voice had belonged to the last person she had expected to hear. She thought she had shaken him away forever. How had they even gotten in _touch_ with him? She thought the trail to her old life was almost cold. Dead and buried. She shuddered at her own terminology and decided she needed to stop thinking about that right away.

_One deep breath. Two. Three. _She felt a little calmer now, certainly calm enough to take a look around. If nothing else the dank interior of the house would distract her from the dank interior of her own mind.

The inside of the house was almost as disappointing as the outside. It was narrow, dark and dingy. She felt a strange shiver down her spine as she took a look around her. It felt as though something bad had happened there, some time ago. She had little _moments_ sometimes, whispers of the past, almost like echoes. She didn't want to hang around on the hallway for too long so she took a brief tour of the rest of the house, or what there was of it.

The lounge was small and pokey with dirty nets up at the window and the kitchen bare and grotty. It looked as though someone had left in a hurry. No one had stepped inside the building since the day Kim had been pulled from Keats's spell. She climbed the stairs, barely willing to touch the grotty banister, and peered cautiously into the bathroom.

"Oh good _god_," she mumbled, "I dream of bleach."

Finally she crept towards the bedroom and peered inside at the dated curtains and the dusty bedclothes. Had they been changed? In fact, had they _ever_ been changed? She gulped and shuddered. It wasn't as though she was a clean freak but this wasn't exactly the ideal setting for her _adventure_.

Something caught her eye. On the wall by the bed were words scrawled in a familiar handwriting;

_"get to safety, rememb" –_

That was as much as it said and it sent a horrible shudder down her spine.

"_Oh god,"_ she whispered, swallowing at the realisation this had been Kim's home more than once. "It's not all fairytale," she whispered, "is it?"

Suddenly she felt alone; completely, terribly, _miserably_ alone. It stung her inside. She'd spent the day in a fog of amazement and confusion, surrounded by faces she'd longed to see again and those of people she'd only heard in passing, and now she was alone she felt so terribly lost.

She felt so certain that her stay would be brief. The words she'd heard on her condition were positive and she knew inside that her condition could have been far worse, but all of a sudden the reality struck her as sharply as the weapon that sent her on her way. She actually had no idea how long she was going to be stranded a long way from home. With none of her friends or the other people who mattered in her life, and her decision not to become attached, she suddenly felt as though she was in for the loneliest time of her life. Even lonelier than _the aftermath_. Even lonlier than 2012.

"Right," she hissed to herself. She took a deep breath as her mind raced and she came to a fast decision. "Time to revise my plans," she mumbled. Where was that club again? She tapped her fingers against her thigh as she tried to recall the instructions. She had a feeling she'd be able to find it if she could get in the general direction.

Moving swiftly, she paced to the little wardrobe and opened the doors. She was faced with clothes that were not her own but she knew she wasn't the first. At least she knew whose clothes they were, even though that made her feel even stranger about wearing them. Plucking them out of the wardrobe she dressed fast and looked at herself in the dusty mirror. It felt very strange. She felt like she'd gone back to her teens. "I might as well put all the jewellery back in and go the whole hog," she mumbled, fastening up the buckle on the pair of jeans she'd pulled on. Her reflection gave her an echo of familiarity in a strange world.

Before long she was almost ready. A quick brush through her hair, a check around for money that she was surprised to find she had and before she knew it she was out of the door. It was time to mix with the locals. She just hoped she could hold her nerve – _and_ her tongue.


	6. Chapter 5: Dance the Night Away

**Chapter 5**

"I can't believe you asked for a date with Alex."

Kim folded her arms and huffed crossly as Robin leaned against the bar, looking amused.

"It was Gene," she protested, "he got me all riled up!"

"I'm surprised he didn't _chop_ you up after that," Robin pointed out as Kim put her hand to her head and sighed.

"I know, I know," she groaned, "I can't believe he agreed to it."

"Would you really give him back the Fiat?" Robin asked and Kim gave a shrug.

"Well, I'll have to," she said, "if he wins the bet." She shrugged and picked up her drink, "It's only a car anyway. I don't care that much. He put a bloody inanimate _object_ above Alex! You realise that, right?"

Robin tried very hard not to laugh as Kim wound herself up more and more.

"You know what Gene's like, Kim."

"How would you like it though?" Kim asked, "If I ranked a non-sentient item above you in my affections?"

Robin hesitated.

"What about my pizza?" he asked and Kim hesitated.

"What if I ranked more than one non-sentient object ahead of you?" she corrected herself and Robin laughed. He was surprised to see a familiar figure heading towards them and nudged Kim, "Look, here's first prize."

"What?" Kim looked around and almost gave a gasp of surprise. "What's Alex doing here?"

"Probably come for a drink and a dance?" Robin suggested and Kim rolled her eyes.

"_Ha bloody ha,"_ she sighed, "everyone's a comedian." She straightened herself up, smoothed down her clothes and ran her fingers through her hair as Alex approached them. "Ma'am, hi," she said nervously, "I wasn't expecting to see you."

"No Gene?" Robin asked.

"No," said Alex, "he's at home, muttering about new recruits and the best way to get suspicious stains off white upholstery."

Kim cringed and tried to slip through the floor.

"Oh dear," she mumbled.

"Yes, and I'd hoped of better from you," Alex put on her best school teacher voice and regarded Kim seriously, "making me a prize in a bet. You should be ashamed of yourself."

Kim felt her cheeks flushing. She looked down and swallowed.

"Sorry, Ma'am," she said quietly.

"I should think so too," Alex told her sternly, "Now, I must go and get a drink. Excuse me." She leaned in towards Kim and whispered, "and by the way, Italian's my favourite."

Kim's head rose sharply and she looked at Alex, blinking with surprise.

"Ma'am?" she said, shocked.

Alex gave her a cheeky smile.

"For a dinner date," she said, "I'm counting on you, Kim, don't let me down."

Kim felt her cheeks reddening for a different reason. She tried to hold back a smirk.

"I won't," she said as Alex disappeared in the crowd. She looked at Robin in shock, "Rob… did Alex… just…"

Robin turned to Kim.

"I… think she kind of did," he said.

It wasn't long before Shaz, Jake and Marci joined them, ready to celebrate the day's successful raid.

"I keep saying you should have brought the dogs with you," Marci giggled.

"Can you really see them strutting on the dance floor to _Spice Up Your Life?"_ Robin asked

"Yes," said Marci.

"I can," Shaz agreed.

"Me too," Jake nodded.

"And that is why none of you got to pick the evening's entertainment," Robin told them, pulling a face.

"Drinks?" Kim offered, taking orders before heading back to the bar. As Shaz and Marci disappeared into the dance floor Jake smiled at Robin.

"So who gets you tonight, me or Kim?" he asked and Robin rolled his eyes, laughing.

"I'm not a timeshare," he said.

Since their friends had managed to push them together at Christmas Robin and Jake's unusual little relationship had become less of an oddity and something that just _fitted_. It was perfect for both of them; Kim was Robin's soul mate and everyone knew that, but it didn't change the fact that Robin was gay. Physically and emotionally there were some things that Robin missed. While some people were concerned about the nature of their relationship it suited both Robin and Jake to a T. For his part Jake, who had spent his life shunning romance for paperwork, had always worried that he would feel trapped by a full-on relationship when the time finally came. He valued his time alone or time spent with Marci and his independence was important to him. He'd seen how his father's possessive nature had ruined relationships on the past and the thought of someone treating him that way was daunting. His feelings for Robin were very genuine but he breathed a sigh of relief to head home alone at the end of the night.

"Come on," he grasped Robin by the hand and pulled him towards the throbbing mass of bodies, "let's dance."

They joined the girls and danced away, losing themselves to the music until Shaz gave a happy squeal.

"Oh look, she made it!"

"Who did?" Jake asked.

"The new girl," said Shaz, "Kay. I asked if she wanted to join us. I didn't think she would though."

Heading towards the through the crowd, a very nervous Kay looked around her. The din of the nineties dance music, the fug of the smoke machine and the glare of the lights overwhelmed her senses and brought her to a sudden standstill. With _Sexy Boy_ blasting out, sending a throbbing sensation through her ears and the power of the unfamiliar, bright nineties attire that surrounded her a terrible shudder filled her body. _It really was all true._

She could see someone waving to her; the brunette, Shaz. Taking a deep breath, she smoothed down her shirt and tried to calm her fears. She'd made the decision to join them, now she needed to carry it through.

Pacing forward, she adopted a large, false smile and greeted Shaz.

"Hi," she said, "I found it."

"I'm glad you made it, Kay," Shaz smiled, "you can meet everyone properly now." She pulled her towards the little gathering and pointed to Marci. "You met Marci earlier."

"Hi," Marci smiled, "how's your head?"

Kay's smile waivered as the voices that plagued her before came to mind.

"It's fine," she said quietly, "I'm feeling much better now."

"Good," Marci smiled. She nodded towards Shaz. "Just stick with this one. She'll make sure you're OK."

"The cheque's in the post," Shaz teased, a little embarrassed by Marci's praise.

"Did you meet Jake?" Marci asked.

"I don't think so," Kay said nervously as Jake reached out to shake her hand.

"Hi," he said, "I work in CID."

"Nice to meet you," Kay said quietly.

"And of course you know Chief Inspector Thomas."

"It's just Robin when I'm not in uniform," Robin said, hoping he could be heard above the music.

Kay's eyes turned to him fondly and she felt herself shaking just a little. It was like seeing a ghost. A very happy ghost.

"Sure," she said quietly.

"And here come DCI Stringer and DCI Drake," Marci pointed to a couple of figures heading through the crowd and Kay's legs trembled beneath her. She wished they were closer to the wall or the bar or something – she wasn't sure she would stay upright.

"Oh," she whispered.

"I'm just saying," Alex told him, "that if Gene put half the amount of energy into catching criminals as he does into mourning that bloody car then the crime rate would drop to zero."

"I'm not even that keen on the car, Ma'am!" Kim protested, "the colour's crap and it handles like a baby elephant." She sighed, "Now, that Aston Martin on the other hand…"

They both stopped walking and taking as they caught sight of the group's new addition.

"Oh, hello, Alex smiled, "decided to join us for the night?"

Kay nodded and tried not to show her nerves.

"Shaz invited me," she whispered.

Kim stared on, her ability to speak taken away by the sight before her.

"_Those clothes,"_ she whispered and Kay's face fell. She turned her head away slightly, biting her lip and trying hard to hide in Shaz's shadow as she said,

"I-I'm sorry… I didn't have any clothes of my own… they were in the wardrobe…"

Robin looked anxiously at Kim, her expression haunted.

"Kay's got your old house," he whispered, and for a moment feared Kim was going to pass out or throw up but she managed to wrestle her shock under control as she whispered,

"It's OK… it's alright, I just wasn't expecting to see them." She tried to look at Kay but the girl wouldn't meet her eye. "How… how did you find the place?" she whispered, scarcely able to remember the day she left that house for the final time.

"It's fine," Kay said quietly, "Thanks, Ma'am."

"I'm sorry, I think it's in a bit of a mess," Kim told her.

"It's OK," Kay gave a very nervous smile and looked away again.

"Are you alright?" Alex asked Kay.

"Just a little overwhelmed," Kay mumbled quietly, her face flushing as she felt more self-conscious by the moment until Shaz grasped her by the hand and led her to the dance floor.

"Come on," she said, "come and have a dance. It'll help you relax."

Kay smiled gratefully as she turned around, unable to stand being so very close to them all any longer. Her heart was pounding and her mind running over a thousand memories she'd worked so hard to bury. She let the music and the rhythm wash over her and take her away, just for a little while. Tomorrow she would have to confront the past again. For now she was just going to dance the night away.

X

Robin touched Kim's arm and she visibly jumped.

"Kim?" he said quietly.

Kim turned to him and saw worry on his face. She had a feeling she must have looked fairly horrified and tried to reassure him.

"I'm fine, Rob," she said but her voice shook with every word, "I just wasn't expecting it."

"I should have warned you," Robin said quietly, "I'm so sorry, I didn't even think –"

"It's fine, it's fine," Kim said quickly, "I just need a moment. I'm going to get some air, OK?"

"I'll come with you –" Robin began but Kim held up her hand.

"No, no," she said, just give me a moment." She was worried that her tone had been too blunt and tried to smile. "I just need a second," she said quietly and Robin nodded.

"I'll just be here," he said, "OK?"

Kim nodded and gave a wobbly smile as she left. Her heart was pounding and her head was spinning. She could tell she was starting to shake and she wasn't sure how she was going to make it all the way outside without tumbling so she veered to one side to take a detour to the bathrooms.

The clothes haunted her. She could almost feel them against her skin, picture them on her reflection. She flashed right back to a time that gave her so much pain to think of, in her heart and her mind. She could see Keats's face as he glowered at her, see those eyes as he tried to hook her in, hear his screams as he caught her and Robin in the basement and feel his hands upon her body.

Stumbling into the bathroom she grasped the sink for stability, clasped it so tightly that her knuckles turned white. Her reflection stared back, skin pale and eyes wide. What she had been through never left her. She desperately wished that she could say her nightmares were over but she knew that might never happen. They were few and far between and they didn't trouble her the way they had at first but they were still there, lurking in the background.

"I am _not_," she hissed, oblivious to the club goers who interrupted their make-up application to stare at her, "going to let you get back in my head again."

Kim was stronger than that. She was stronger than the monster who had tried to destroy her. And a pair of jeans and a shirt was not going to change that.


	7. Chapter 6: Don't Want to Miss a Thing

**Chapter 6**

Kay's eyes flew open and she sat bolt upright in bed, her heart pounding away inside her chest and her breaths coming fast and frantic.

"Oh _god,"_ she whispered, closing her eyes again while she clutched her chest and tried to calm the pace of her breathing. All night long she had been plagued by nightmares and visions and she couldn't even be sure they were all her own. Was sleeping in the bed where Kim had been for several months adding to her troubled mind? Had she picked up echoes of Kim's trauma alongside her own?

Not that her own nightmares weren't bad enough. She'd spent the night reliving days gone by; bad news on the telephone, days and nights spent crying her eyes out, gloomy afternoons spent kneeling beside graves and longing to see them just one more time. There had been voices playing through her dreams, some whispering echoes of words from long ago and some relaying the condition of the body that lay in a hospital bed. And there was _his_ voice again. He needed to go away. He had no place in her life. Not any more.

She rubbed her eyes vigorously as though trying to scrub away the visions that she'd dreamed throughout the night.

"_Shit,"_ she whispered. What was the time anyway? She looked at the little clock by her bed. It wasn't even time to get up yet but there was no way she was going back to sleep, not to get another round of nightmares. _No thank you._

"Time to face another day," she whispered. Slowly she slid her legs from the bed and stood up, feeling a little woozy. Maybe she'd had one alcopop too many the night before? Or maybe it was the lack of quality sleep? Whatever it was she felt less than steady on her feet and with it her grasp on reality seemed more strained than it had the day before. Or perhaps she was a little less firmly footed in this strange world than she had been.

"_I wonder how long I have here?"_ she whispered.

She knew that others had been wrong about such matters in the past but she couldn't help feeling her time was limited. She needed to make the most of every second while she had the chance.

There were many things she needed to know.

~xXx~

"You needed to see me, Guv?"

Robin had been interrupted mid-biscuit that morning. It was halfway between saucer and lips when the knock sounded on the door. He hadn't been pleased about abandoning his mid-morning snack. He'd been even less pleased when one of the dogs had polished it off instead. Gene had better have a very good reason for calling him. He knew that much.

"Need yer canine catastrophe mob," Gene told him, "seems like yesterday's raid was the tip of the iceberg.

"A four-man gang," Alex picked up where Gene left off, handing Robin a photocopy on which pictures of all four men were displayed, "all have previous. They've been running a wider operation than we realised and lucky for us one of them was happy to deal.

"Got the names of the other two and one of the locations," Gene continued, "Warehouse by the river. Stocked full of knock-off gear. Like with the prozzies it's only half the story. There's a powdery surprise beneath the fake labels. Two crimes in one. Like an illegal version of a bloody Kinder egg."

"You need the dogs for the raid?" Robin asked and Gene rolled his eyes.

"Give that boy a dog biscuit," he said.

"Bit of a sore pint, actually," Robin mumbled. He sighed. He supposed he was never going to get his snack. "Tell me what you need and I'll see what I can do."

~xXx~

"Did you have fun last night?"

Kay took several moments to realise that Shaz had spoken to her. It took her longer still to peel her eyes from the photograph hanging on the wall from some night out. Familiar faces, dressed up to the nines. Robin, Kim, Simon. _Alex_. She swallowed as her heart felt like it started beating double time. Finally she tore her eyes from the picture and looked at Shaz.

"What? Sorry?" she blinked and forced a smile.

"At the club," Shaz explained, "did you have fin?"

"Oh, yeah" Kay continued with her smile, hoping it was enough to fool her, "it was great."

"You don't seem convinced," Shaz tilted her head to one side, unsure what to make of Kay's response. Her tone and body language seemed to suggest the evening hadn't been quite to her liking.

"Bit of a hangover," Kay said, her smile growing a little weaker this time.

"Oh," Shaz smiled back but seemed unconvinced, "Sorry to hear that. There's aspirin in the first aid box."

"Kay," Robin arrived in the doorway, looking a little flustered, "I'm glad you're still here."

"I think I was going to be taken on training –" she began but Robin flapped his hands.

"Change of plan," he said, "you're going for some hands-on experience with DCI Drake."

Kay's body went numb from head to toe.

"What?" she whispered.

"The raid from yesterday has proven successful in more ways than one," Robin told her, "we caught two of the main men in the operation and one of them has kindly filled us in on a _lot_ more. The dogs are needed for a raid and we need to move ASAP. We believe the two remaining suspects will be packing up to ship out after yesterday.

"Why her?" Kay asked hurriedly, "Why DI Drake?"

Robin hesitated. That seemed like a strange reaction.

"_DCI,"_ he corrected, "we're limited for room in our vehicles today, we're being stretched over three different operations so you'll travel with DCI Drake and she can explain more about CID and how we assist them." He paused. "Why? Is there some reason you don't want to go with her?"

"No, no," Kay said quickly. She flinched and swallowed, "it's just… if I have to go with CID… I was thinking I might be better going with the other one. DCI Hunt?"

Robin was a little taken aback.

"I thought you two had a bit of a," he hesitated, "_difference of opinion_ yesterday?"

"Well that's the thing," Kay began, her mouth feeling very dry, "we got off to a bad start and I want a chance to apologise. Put it behind us."

Robin seemed a little unsure.

"I can't imagine a twenty-minute car journey with an angry DCI Hunt is going to make for a pleasant ride," he pointed out but Kay shook her head.

"I won't make him angry," she promised, "I'll apologise, ask a lot of intelligent questions and we'll put yesterday behind us."

Robin studied Kay quizzically. She seemed extremely headstrong and confident for someone who had woken up on the past, unless it came to anything relating to Alex. Or Kim, for that matter. He was starting to understand why both Gene and Kim were trying to get to the bottom of her strange behaviour. He hoped that by allowing Kay's request he wasn't giving Gene the upper hand in their bet.

"Alright," he sighed with a shrug, "It's your funeral."

"Hope not," Kay looked down and felt very awkward suddenly.

Robin bit his lip.

"You can't say anything around here," he mumbled to himself. Eventually he turned to Kay again. "Listen, do what you said and you'll be fine. Go on the raid, learn about how we work with CID, then tomorrow you can get stuck into proper training. Do well and you'll have your own dog in no time."

He smiled and gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder before turning around and leaving the room. He didn't see Kay's expression falling or her muttered worries as she rolled her eyes.

"Oh for the love of god, do _not_ give me a dog," she pleaded quietly, "nothing I can get attached to. Just don't get attached. Don't get attached."

Shaz caught the end of Kay's words and smiled.

"Perils of the job," she said, "but it's worth it."

Kay smiled back as Shaz left the room. Despite all the worries and emotions and the almighty juggling act afoot Kay was seeing more and more why people fell in love with the world. The people within it made it easy to do so.

Her eyed turned to the photo on the wall again. She stepped a little closer and this time her eyes focused on Alex, a broad smile upon her face and the arm around her shoulders. Clinging to her territorially was Gene. He looked contented. He might not have been smiling but there was happiness in his eyes. It made Kay feel a little strange.

"_You really do have a whole life here,"_ she whispered. There were tears springing to her eyes and she was going to have to work pretty damn hard to fight them away. She longed to take the photograph, slip it in her pocket and take it home with her but she supposed the same rules applied to a return to the land of the living as people spoke about death._ You can't take it with you._

She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, calming the tears before they began. It was normal, she supposed, to feel this way a long way from home. But even as bizarre as the world was to those who knew its nature her own story would be the strangest yet.

"Right," she muttered to herself, "let's do this." She turned to the door, her expression stoic and strong. "Time to get acquainted with the competition."


	8. Chapter 7: It's Like That

**Chapter 7**

In the first instance Gene had been delighted by Robin's announcement that Kay wished to ride with him. It seemed as though the opportunity to suss her out had been handed to him on a silver platter. Unfortunately within moments of getting in the car it seemed the silver platter might as well have been used to thwack him over the head.

"Is me face hanging off or something?" he asked crossly as he drove.

"Why?" Kay's voice was steady. She didn't seem daunted by him, nor the situation. Gene wasn't used to that. It didn't sit well with him.

"You've been staring at me for the last five minutes," he told her, his eyes fixed upon the road.

Kay turned her head deliberately away from him, facing forwards.

"Sorry," she said awkwardly, surprised he'd noticed. She thought she had been subtle.

"So this is why you asked for a ride with the Gene Genie is it?" Gene demanded, "a staring contest?"

"Not unless you want to crash," said Kay.

"So it's just my animal magnetism, is it?" he noticed Kay snorted with laughter which made him frown. "Why _are_ you here then?"

Kay looked down. She drew her hands in toward each other and began to pick at her fingernails.

"We had words yesterday and I felt bad about it," she said, "I thought we should try to get on."

"You trying to flex yer leadership muscles?" Gene asked, narrowing his eyes. She was somewhat outspoken for a young cop.

"Just trying to make life easier for myself," she said, "I'm not trying to take over your office."

Gene wasn't used to many people talking back to him. In fact there were very few who'd ever dared.

"You remind me of someone," he mumbled, "no, on fact you remind me of _two_ someone's." From her attitude and personality he suspected that Kay might be the illegitimate offspring from Alex and Kim's liaison, if that had been medically possible. "why are you really in me car? _Don't_ say because you needed a lift."

Kay hesitated. This was harder than she thought.

"You must have worked at the station for a while, right?" she asked.

"If that's a polite way of saying I've passed me prime then you'd better take that one up with me missus," he said.

Kay seemed to jump a little.

"Missus?" she said, "You and DI Drake… are you actually married?"

"No," Gene sighed, "not yet. It's a figure of speech." He paused as he turned a corner, "_DCI_ Drake. Don't give her a demotion, that's not gonna help you into anyone's good books."

Kay flinched. That was twice she'd made the same slip.

"Sorry," she said quietly. She stared out of the window at the road ahead as Gene showed little regard for a row of cones. "I just figured the way everyone spoke the station was… pretty much your domain?" she tried and this time Gene's ears pricked up a little.

"I'm the lion ruling over my pride," he said.

"I thought I could learn a lot more from you about the place than anyone else."

Gene wasn't sure about that. Exactly _what_ did she want to learn?

"Don't eat the sprouts, don't walk through the car park when Bammo's got water balloons and don't believe everything you read on the toilet walls," he told her, "There. That is the sphere of my knowledge."

"How long have you worked there?" Kay asked, ignoring his tone and with a sigh Gene gave in.

"I'm not a million miles away from me second decade," he said.

"How long have you been," Kay hesitated, "_seeing_ DI Drake.

"That's not gonna be in yer end of training exam," Gene told her crossly.

"Sorry," Kay said quietly.

An awkward silence fell. Both wanted information about the either and neither seemed to be getting anywhere. Finally, frustrated by the silence as well as his own inability to get one over on the strange girl Gene gave a deep sigh and said,

"Fifteen years, give or take."

That was the first time Gene had seen Kay give something resembling a smile.

"Long time to be going out with someone," she pointed out and Gene gave another sigh.

"Yeah, well," he said, "should have been official by now but the course of true love and all that."

"Why? What happened?" Kay's face darkened and Gene frowned.

"Marriage guidance counsellor now?" he asked and her face turned red.

"I took a little psychology before I decided it wasn't for me," she said quietly.

"You _definitely_ remind me of someone now," Gene told her.

Kay looked down, breathing slowly and deeply. Everything was so near and yet so far, all the things she needed to know. She couldn't blow it. Not now.

"So?" she asked again.

"Not giving the intricacies of an adult relationship to a woman who can't even decide whether she wants to strain tea with her face or not," said Gene as he regarded the empty piercings. But his mind kept working, even after he'd closed down the conversation and despite himself he had to answer. He didn't want the weirdo thinking his relationship was anything weaker than ox-strength. "Had to work apart for a while," he borrowed Robin and Kim's excuse to cover for the months Alex spent back in the real world, trying to find her way home, "put things on hold. Took some adjustment." He flinched as their brief separation came back to him. The last thing he wanted to think about was what Keats had put her through. "Past is past, Fruitloop. Registry office is booked and there's a big batch of honeymoon undies in her bottom drawer. That's good enough for me."

Kay nodded slowly. That seemed fair enough. She was not, however, happy with his general demeanour.

"I hope you're nicer to your fiancée than you are to people in general," she dared to say, even though the colour Gene's face turned made her instantly regret it. He glanced at her, quietly seething from her words.

"Define 'nicer'" he said.

"By using her name instead of a condescending nickname for a start," Kay told him, trying to stand firm even though she was starting to feel out of her depth.

"If you weren't behaving like a fruitloop I wouldn't be calling you one," Gene told her flatly.

"You do it with the others as well," Kay told him "I've seen you. _Batman. Metal Mickey. Spicey thing."_

"_Nicey Spice,"_ Gene corrected, "if you're going to insult me at least get yer facts straight."

Kay stared at him. She hoped that she was making him uncomfortable. His nicknames certainly made _her_ feel that way.

"I think you scare people into following you," she challenged.

"They follow me because they respect the owner of the big backside parked on the seat beside you," Gene told her, not even taking his eyes off the road.

"Respect is a mutual thing," Kay told him, "if you don't show them enough respect to use their names then how do you expect them to respect you in return?"

That did it. Gene was a lot of things but he was a good leader and he cared about his team. That was his downfall, of course. That was the reason the bad energy Keats gathered had be so strong. But Gene couldn't be any other way. His foot slammed against the break and the vehicle skidded to a halt, leaving Kay in fear of flying through the windscreen.

"Listen, PC Armageddon or whatever you name is –"

"PC Alexandra," Kay muttered, shrinking back in her seat.

"Whatever your name is," Gene repeated, "You hate my guts."

Kay blinked. This admonishment was not going the way she expected.

"What?" she whispered.

"Don't bother denying it," Gene told her, "You hate me, isn't that right?"

"I don't know you well enough to hate you," Kay felt herself reddening with embarrassment.

"Near enough," Gene shrugged, "You have a _strong dislike_ of me flavour, put it that way. Join the club, pal." His tone was sharp but he didn't seem especially angry, more frustrated with her, "every person who walks through those doors and starts a new life in my domain feels the same way you do. Know what?" he eyed her seriously and waited just long enough to make her swallow nervously before he continued. "The feeling's mutual. Every last one of you brings along yer baggage and it gets in the way of the work. It gets in the way of your life. It gets in the way of yer relationship with the Lord almighty." He paused. "That's me, by the way. You lot come in here wet behind the ears, needing someone to change your nappy and wipe your snotty noses. And as strange as this may sonld, little miss Fruitloop, _I'm_ the one who's gonna do it. Because for some _unknown_ reason even though you lot are the..." he built up the next word until it almost exploded from within him, "biggest bunch of pansies I've had the misfortune to encounter there's a part of me that bizarrely wants to help you make the best of yourselves! So today feel free to hate me. It's a two way street, Kay."

Kay blinked.

"You used my name," she frowned a little in surprise.

"But tomorrow," Gene continued, "don't be surprised if you find yer baggage is unpacked in part by yours truly and you find yourself warming to my charms," he turned away and started the car, "or to me aftershave at least."

Kay felt a little breathless as Gene began to drive again. She felt as though her argument had been deconstructed and packed away neatly into boxes before it had even begun.

"Wow," she muttered quietly under her breath.

"You want to turn the volume up on that word?" Gene asked and Kay looked awkward.

"No," she said.

"Shame."

Silence fell again. Kay felt dumbstruck. She didn't like that. No one left her speechless and she didn't want to begin a new trend now but Gene had awed her and she wasn't sure where to go from there. But there was one thing that still worried her.

"And DCI Drake?" she asked quietly.

She noticed Gene's whole expression softened momentarily at the mention of her name before it frosted over and he turned a steely glare at her again.

"You watch yourself very carefully before you say a word against DCI Drake," he told her.

"I wasn't going to," Kay frowned. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "_You_ were the one talking about baggage," she continued. As she reached that point her voice seemed strained and she had to work hard to keep it from breaking up completely. "What baggage did _she_ bring with her?"

Gene carried on staring straight ahead. He didn't even glance in Kay's direction.

"Unless you happen to be a check-in clerk that information is DCI Drake's personal matter." He stated.

Kay took a deep breath.

"Alright," she said quietly, "What I meant was," she paused, "did you help her unpack _her_ baggage too?"

Gene fell silent and stayed that way for a very long time. He was quiet for so long that Kay thought he was going to ignore the question or perhaps he hadn't heard. Either way she had given up on the idea of getting an answer. She looked down and resigned herself to never knowing. They weren't far from the warehouse now and she started to mentally prepare herself for the raid ahead but just as she thought Gene might never speak another word to her he opened his mouth.

"_She unpacked mine,"_ he said.

Kay hesitated. She looked at him and waited for him to speak again but he didn't.

"Sorry?" she frowned.

Gene turned to her as he came to a halt near to their destination.

"I said," he began, "she unpacked mine. And there's not a day that goes by where I don't thank my lucky stars for the day that posh tart with more brains than a full season of _Mastermind_ came into my life." He opened the door. "Now if you don't mind we've got scum to scrub up. Are you coming or are you going to spend the afternoon in the lost luggage department?"

Silently Kay opened her door and followed him out of the car. She stood beside it as she watched Gene marching away. Slowly, she nodded her head.

"_Good answer,"_ she whispered to herself.

_**~xXx~**_

_**A/N: I couldn't let today go past without an update and a mention that today marks 3 years since Ashes to Ashes came to an end. This time three years ago we still didn't know the definitive truth. This time last year our hearts were not quite broken. That soon changed.**_

_**I really wanted to write something to mark today but I already have three fics on the go (I'm writing the start of my next fic in advance because of the crazy posting schedule it's going to have, dear lord it's going to be the death of me :P) but by the end of this story you'll see this chapter was possibly the most fitting to post today.**_

_**I still miss Ashes to Ashes. I miss Alex and Gene and all of the characters that lit up our screens. But I am so thankful for its legacy, and all it's left us with. And Thursday marks the third anniversary of me writing the start of this series of fics – which will be ending two years from today.**_

_**Thank you everyone who's followed this far, it means so very much to me. Happy Ashesversary everyone – let's raise a glass to the Guv tonight!**_


	9. Chapter 8: Frozen

**Chapter 8**

Spotting Gene and Kay emerging from the same car, Kim's anger immediately rose. She gave a growl of fury and stomped in Gene's direction.

"That's a dirty trick, upping the game," she narrowed her eyes, "quality bonding time on the ride over."

"Pick that bone with yer caped boyfriend," Gene told her crossly.

"What?"

"He let her park her bony backside in my pride and joy and spend the last twenty minutes picking me relationship to pieces."

Kim wasn't sure what he was talking about.

"What?"

"That one seems a bit too worried about whether I'm tucking Bolly in at night than whether I'm cleaning up the city," Gene told her, "I've already got _one_ bird after me better half, I'm not standing me ground over another!"

"You think she's making a move on… _what?"_ Kim's brow creased in confusion, "she wouldn't even _talk_ to Alex the other night…" she paused, "actually, she's just been weird around her from what I've seen."

"She's a weird one full stop," Gene said crossly, "I'm almost past caring what her flipping secret is, I just want it out in the open and _her_ out my station."

"So I can keep the Fiat and take Alex for dinner?" Kim asked hopefully.

Gene's glare could have killed foliage.

"I said _almost_," he told her, "I'm a whisker away, Stringer. You just wait." He pulled a sheet of paper from his pocket and thumped it into her hand.

"What's this?" she demanded.

"Got it from the internet" Gene said, somewhat proudly, even though he'd made Simon teach him how to print things, "this stuff works well on upholstery. Should get the stain out a treat."

Kim felt her hand clasping the paper tighter and tighter as Gene gave a smug laugh and began to walk away.

"_You_," she hissed "are _not_ getting your hands on that car! I'm getting that date if it's the last thing I do!"

X

"Ready?" Robin addressed Kay as he took her towards the rest of the unit.

"As I'll ever be," she said.

"Surely you've been on raids before?" Gene asked.

Kay swallowed.

"Yeah," she said quietly, "Just feeling a bit shaken from the journey."

Robin thought he understood.

"Yeah, Gene doesn't respect speed boundaries," he said but Kay shook her head slowly.

"_I_ was the one who wasn't respecting boundaries," she admitted.

"What?"

Kay shook her head and gave Robin a false smile.

"Nothing," she said, "sorry, my mind's all over the place right now."

Robin gave her a sympathetic smile. Even though she had apparently taken to the world with relative ease she must have been going through so many levels of confusion that keeping a clear mind was no easy feat. Robin remembered it well. He patted her shoulder as he told her,

"Focus on the raid right now. That'll help take your mind off everything else for a while." He prepared to offer further instructions but there was a sudden cry and a flurry of activity heading in the direction of the warehouse. "Shit, we're off."

"One suspect fled through the fire escape and vaulted the fence," Simon told him, "got to move fast."

"I'm not bloody Sonic the Hedgehog, you know," Robin muttered as he moved toward the rest of his team to give them some rushed instructions.

Uniformed officers and plain clothed detectives flooded the building, the cries of Gene putting fear into those still inside. On the floor before them three men packed plastic-covered clothes into boxes and panicked as the raid began, attempting to flee but crashing into one another instead. Simon, Marci and Jake reached them and grasped one worker apiece while the dogs started to bark and growl as they caught a whiff of something in one of the boxes.

"_Up there!"_

Shaz's voice rang out and the others turned to see her pointing to the partial floor that ran halfway up the height of the warehouse on which a man was running to attempted freedom.

_"Got it,"_ Alex's voice responded and Kay watched as she started to run at a pace she felt sure wasn't possible in the platform shoes that Alex had taken to wearing after Marci introduced the craze to the office.

Over the other side of the warehouse Gene began to run up the clattering metal steps to the other side of the suspect in an attempt to block him in. The frantic man froze momentarily, staring from one side to the other; from Alex to Gene. He couldn't get past them. For a moment he considered jumping over the rail but didn't fancy the idea of ending up in traction in a prison hospital or six feet under, so he had a change of plan and decided to tackle whoever came at him first and, unfortunately for her, Alex was the closer by a fair way.

"_DCI Drake, Fenchurch East,"_ she cried as she lunged for him, "You're under arr-_Oof,"_ has she grabbed fir his arm he head-butted her and knocked her sideways.

Kay froze to the spot as she watched the commotion. It seemed to happen so fast and yet play out in slow motion as a fear drew together inside of her that she couldn't recall ever feeling before. It felt like her body no longer responded to her will; it behaved on its own and betrayed her with a scream.

"_No!"_

Her hands rose to her head in horror and she watched Alex drop dangerously close to the edge whilst Gene powered on like a steam roller and knocked the suspect to his knees with one well-placed fist that sent shockwaves of pain through his abdomen and followed it up with a knee that insured he wouldn't be enjoying carnal delights any time this side of the millennium.

"Terrence Fallows, I presume," he barked, shaking his gloved hand as he aftershocks of the punch filtered through his fingers, "You are under arrest for everything under the bloody sun." A shove knocked Fallows flat to the floor, whimpering with pain as Gene dragged his arms behind him and slapped on a set of cuffs, "not least of which is the assault and," he swallowed as he watched Alex pulling herself upright on the barrier. She'd been so close to being thrown through the gap. "The near-pizzaisation of DCI Alex Drake for _which_ –" he yanked the suspect to his feet, ignoring his pained howl, "I will _personally_ make sure you get the smallest, smelliest cell in the station, which I will then fill with a troupe of acrobatic circus clowns who've been arrested for throwing custard pies in a pie-free _zone_." He exhaled slowly as a couple of uniformed officers ran towards them. "Take him away, me eyes are burning just looking at him."

"Yes Guv," the officers grasped the suspect, wrestled him along and somehow managed to get him down the rickety metal stairs without getting pulled down them in a head-over-arse fashion.

Kay's heart was still pounding and her whole body shaking with shock. Her eyes fixed upon Gene as he turned to Alex, laid a hand on her arm and raised the other as though to shelter her from anyone who happened to be looking in her direction. Gone was his bark. He spoke so quietly that Kay could no longer hear his words but she didn't need to. The look on his face reflected the same kind of fear written over every inch of hers. She swallowed as she watched them; the intensity in his eyes as he checked her over, the relief on Alex's face as she felt safe and protected in his presence and the unspoken bond that was as plain to see as the big stack of counterfeit goods that threatened to topple over as one rogue dog barrelled into it.

"More than words," Kay mumbled as she watched them. She could have spent ten hours talking to Gene and would never have understood what it took only a few seconds of frantic action to see.

He took a slow step backwards as she watched them walking back down together, Alex shaken but stoic and repelling all attempts to be checked for bumps and bruises.

"I don't need checking over, I'm fine," she told Jake as he got a little over enthusiastic with a bottle of witchazel.

"All you need to do is start bonking Jarvis Cocker and you'll have turned into me old DI," Gene told him, pushing the first aid kit away, "What DCI Drake needs comes in a different sort of bottle."

Kay bit her lip as it waivered slightly, watching Gene take Alex to one side and hand her a flask from his pocket. She sipped from it and smiled for a moment, nodding and reassuring Gene that she was fine before sending him on his way and rejoining the rest of the team in the hunt for the good stuff.

"_Guv,"_ Robin's voice called out, "_Dogs seem fond of this one."_

Gene strode across the warehouse where Shaz was attempting to hold back a frantic canine who was trying to prove its nose was superior to anybody else's. He stopped beside the large package and held out his hand.

"Shoebury."

SiImon frowned.

"What?"

"I need a bloody knife."

"Why would_ I_ have a _knife?"_ cried Simon.

"I saw you sabotaging Bammo's water balloons with a pen knife. Hand it over."

Simon narrowed his eyes.

"No one was supposed to know about that," he said as he reached into his pocket and reluctantly handed over a penknife to Gene's waiting hand.

"Ta," Gene said somewhat annoyed that Simon had taken so long to hand it over.

"Kay?"

Kay blinked and jumped a mile. The last thing she'd expected was a hand on her shoulder and she turned around quickly to find Marci by her side.

"What? Sorry?" Kay's heart was still pounding. There was a peculiar feeling in the pit of her stomach, it felt a little like butterflies but she wasn't quite sure why. Her mouth felt dry and her hands trembled as she tried to cool down.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," Marci told her.

Kay swallowed and nodded.

"Yeah," she said quietly.

Marci hesitated with an anxious frown. That wasn't the response she'd been expecting.

"O_kay…" _she said slowly, "Listen, are you OK or do you… need to sit down? Need some water?" she glanced at Gene as he tossed handfuls of fake t-shirts into the air and finally emerged with a package of white powder, "has… too much of _that_ stuff gotten into the air?"

Kay knew she had to pull herself together but it was just so hard. She managed to force a smile and stutter out an apology.

"Sorry, I didn't sleep well… I'm just feeling a bit shaky. That's all."

"Maybe you should go home," Marci suggested anxiously.

There was a loud beeping in Kay's mind followed by whispers of good responsiveness and pressure reducing.

"I think I just might," she whispered.

"Do you want a lift?" Marci asked.

It took Kay a good three or four attempts at replaying Marci's words to understand what she was talking about.

"What? Oh, no, sorry, I was just…" she shook her head slightly, "I'm not sure why I said that. I'm fine, I need to get back to my training, that's all."

Marci still had her reservations but then Kay had seemed a little odd from the moment she'd arrived. Perhaps that was just her nature.

"Alright," she said with a nervous smile, "just let me know if you need anything. OK?"

Kay's smile wobbled.

"Alright," she said quietly.

Her eyes turned back to Gene as he stood beside his prize haul, hands on hips and legs apart. He might as well have been standing on a hilltop for a dramatic film ending. The reassurances she'd needed she had seen with her own eyes and the big question that had weighed so heavily on her shoulders finally found its answer.

"_You're being well looked after,"_ she whispered.

She closed her eyes and hung her head as the raid continued around her. Voices swirled in the air and footsteps passed her by but all she could do was to focus on not letting that rogue tear fall from her eye. Deep breaths, Lots of slow, _deep breaths._ That was all she needed. Deep breaths, and a lift back with someone who _wasn't _Gene Hunt.

She watched Alex as she left the warehouse, directing the transportation of the drugs back to the station.

"_Yeah_," she whispered to herself, _"you're doing just fine."_

~xXx~

"Kim?"

After the morning's raid and her conversation with Gene Kim's mind was all over the place. Part of it was worrying about where the fourth member of the gang had disappeared to and whether Alex needed someone to tend to her bruises while the other part of her mind was on Kay and Gene's concerns. It took a lot for someone to rattle his nerves but something about Kay was making him anxious and that was making Kim start to wonder if the bet was such a good idea after all.

"_Kim?"_

Robin had to call her name twice before she even heard. She blinked and shook her head as though coming out of a trance.

"Rob, sorry," she breathed, "I was miles away."

"It looked it," Robin smiled and crossed to her desk, "I'm sorry Kim, I know you're up to your armpits in work already but the Super wants you to interview Fallows."

"_Me?"_ Kim frowned, "Why? I thought the drugs and fake gear would fall under Alex and the Guvs jurisdiction."

"Well normally, yeah," Robin rolled his eyes, "It's just after he tried to make an Alex splat zone the Super's worried Gene's going to flatten the guy."

"Like _I_ don't want to do the same," Kim observed.

"Yeah but Gene already owes six written apologies for his actions when the Super accidentally short-changed him after borrowing a tenner out the petty cash," Robin explained, "I think he's minimising the risk of adding to that total."

"Shit," Kim sighed and got to her feet, "Right, this will have to wait then."

"It's not all bad," Robin tried to cheer her up, "You'll be in with Alex."

Kim's expression seemed to become a lot cheerier all of a sudden.

"Silver linings," she commented.

"Oh and, hey, is it alright if I send Kay to sit in on the interview?" Robin asked her.

"Kay?" Kim repeated, "sure. Why?"

"She needs to get some experience of Fenchurch East's interview technique as part of her training," Robin told her, "this worlds practically set her back at day one."

Kim gave him a distant smile.

"Like it did with you," she observed quietly and Robin smiled back.

"Like it did with me," he said quietly, remembering his first time around in Gene's world. He sighed. That seemed like so long ago. "Anyway, I thought it might balance out the score as well, after I let her go with Gene earlier. I didn't want him to get an unfair advantage with your bet."

"The bet," Kim sighed, "Gene sounds like he's regretting it."

"Isn't he getting anywhere?"

"He's not regretting it because he can't find anything out," Kim said quietly. She began to walk to the door, "it's because he doesn't _want_ to," she concluded. Whatever secret Kay was hiding Gene was rattled. That was _never_ a good sign.

~xXx~

Kay closed her eyes and took a very deep breath.

This was the _absolute worst case scenario_ she could imagine.

"I'm in the canine division, why do they need me for an interview conducted by CID?" she whispered when Robin had told her she would be sitting in on Alex and Kim's interview.

"You just need to observe one of our interviews, it doesn't matter who with, "Robin told her and she knew she couldn't say any more than that. She'd already shunned the idea of going with Alex to the raid, if she refused to attend the interview Robin would probe deeper into her apparent dislike of the woman. As though that wasn't bad enough the fact that _Kim_ was the second person she had to observe made life even harder. Why couldn't it have been one of those other guys? Jake? Marci? It would have even been easier with _Simon_ but Alex and _Kim?_

"Are you ready?"

It didn't matter how many times Kay saw or heard her, every time she found herself near Alex she started to crumble. Her heart had raced so many times since she arrived that it might as well have run a marathon. She tried to force a smile and hid her face by letting her hair fall forward.

"Yes," she said quietly, "I'm ready.

"There's no need to worry," Alex smiled at her, "you won't have to contribute to the interview this time and I'm sure you'll find everything is pretty much the same as where you've worked before."

Kay's smile was strained.

"Where do I sit?" she asked.

"You can sit at the back," Alex began as she led her into the interview room and indicated a space for her to take.

Internally Kay breathed a sigh of relief. _Back of the room, good. Not next to Alex. Not next to Kim. Distance. That's perfect._ She took comfort I the fact that it had been over 24 hours and she hadn't been recognised yet but she didn't want to take any chances. She sat down and watched as Alex joined Kim in the room and operated the tape recorder.

"Interview commencing at one-fifteen pm," she began, "present are DCI Alex Drake."

"DCI Kim Stringer," Kim began, "Also present is WPC Kay Alexandra. The suspect will now state his name for the tape."

The suspect did not seem keen on doing as he was asked. He stared at Kim, scratched his chin and then leaned back in his seat.

"I want to see a lawyer" he said and both Alex and Kim sighed instantly.

"Mister Fallows, you waived your right to legal representation," Alex told him.

"Changed my mind."

"After this morning do you really think it's going to make much of a difference?" Kim asked and Fallows turned his glare up to full strength.

"Don't talk to _me_," he said darkly, "talk to the twats who used my warehouse to store their fine fakery."

"If the fake goods didn't belong to you then why were you so intent on running?" Alex asked, one eyebrow rising.

"I wasn't running _away_, I was running to your waiting arms," Fallows scoffed, his nostrils flaring.

"You seemed intent on getting rid of me over the side of the platform," Alex reminded him, "that didn't seem very welcoming." He glared at her silently, out of things to say. "You don't seem to like me very much," Alex remarked.

Fallows pulled a face.

"Your chest's OK, that _mouth_ needs to stop flapping."

"For the tape, the suspect does not seem to understand that an interview consists of questions as well as answers," Kim volunteered crossly.

"For the _tape_ I don't appreciate sarcasm from dykes," Fallows responded and it took all of Kim's self-control not to lose her temper. Alex could see her slowly seething, bubbling away with anger.

"You don't seem to like women much," she added to her previous point.

"I like women plenty," Fallows corrected, "just not getting a lot of lip from some tart who thinks she owns the place. What's wrong, love? None of the men could be bothered to interview me? Left me for the secretaries to deal with?"

To Alex's surprise a very calm Kim said,

"That's right. None of the men could be bothered with you. You were deemed the least important."

Fallows stared at her, not sure whether she was being sarcastic or attempting reverse psychology.

"Not going to work, you know," he said.

Kim shrugged.

"What isn't?"

"Whatever you're doing!"

"If you don't know what I'm doing then how do you know it's not going to work?" Kim asked and delighted in his silence before she pulled out a sheet of paper with some highlighted quotes upon it. "It's like your friend told us yesterday; _'Terrence Fallows is unpopular and ineffective.'"_

There was one beat. One heartbeat.

"What?"

"'_Unpopular and ineffective,'"_ Kim continued to read, "_'the joke of the operation. Scapegoat material for plea bargains'," _she laid down the sheet. "You're right, Mister Fallows. You are not important enough to get the attention of the male officers."

"Who said that?" fallows demanded.

"Does it matter?" Kim shrugged, "you were the least important one, we all agree on that."

"I've been running the warehouse singlehandedly for the best part of three years!"

"Oh you _have?" _Alex asked, "single-handedly? So no one else could have had any responsibility for the counterfeit goods or the narcotics found on the premises?"

"I employ _workers_, obviously!" Fallows barked.

"But you said –"

"I _manage_ it single-handedly!" Fallow cried, "I bring in a few guys to shift stock and pack boxes! They must have been swapping my _good_ stuff for cheap knock-offs to sell and make a profit."

"Oh, _must_ have," Kim repeated.

"Would you mind sharing the name of your reputable supplier?" Alex asked.

"Yes I _would_ mind!" Fallows hissed, "my gear is good."

"And the drugs? Are _they_ good too?"

"The drugs have _nothing_ to do with me!"

"So these are not your first line dealers coming to pick up the goods?" Kim asked. She pushed a still taken from CCTV footage over the road from the warehouse towards him. "For the benefit of the tape I am showing the suspect a frame captured from a camera in Ormside Way."

"They could be anyone," Fallows shrugged.

"Three of them are known dealers," Alex pointed out, "if they're not there for business then you must have a hell of a social life." She paused. "Or are you too busy running the warehouse singlehandedly?" she could see his fury building. "How long have you been using the warehouse as part of the drug operation, Mister Fallows?"

"No comment."

"Who's selling you the counterfeit merchandise?"

"No fucking comment."

"It's a shame one of your business partners wasn't as tight lipped as you've been," Kim commented.

"Oh, we got all we needed from him," Alex added as Fallow's expression grew angry and scared at the same time, "this is a mere formality. His testimony will see you going down."

"Like _you_ almost did, _bitch?"_ something snapped inside of Fallows and he slammed his hands on the table.

"Alright," Kim felt a surge of panic, "Interview suspe-"

Before she could suspend the interview a furious Fallows jumped up and knocked the tape recorder flying. It crashed from the table; a corner chipped and the tape door cracked but that was nothing compared to the state of Fallows's temper. As fast as lightning, she was up on her feet and around the table, taking hold of his wrists and pulling them back.

"I've got him," she yelled to Alex, "get security!"

Alex barely had a moment to think, rushing to the door to pull in some assistance while Kim yelled for Kay. "_Cuffs! Now!"_

Kay swallowed, leapt up and ran to Kim but as she gripped her cuffs and prepared to slam them over Fallows's wrists he gave a growl of fury and found a second wind. He knocked Kim backwards, shaking her off momentarily, hard enough to cause Kim to give a gasp as her back hit the wall.

Kay saw red. Despite her petite frame she couldn't let him get away with that. With the cuffs still in one hand, she slammed one end onto his wrist and yanked them around to secure the other but as a last attempt he reached out to fight against someone or something and managed to grasp the sleeve of her uniform. He pulled it hard, hoping upon hope that he could drag her to the ground and somehow make a break for it but with the sound of ripping material and a sudden lack of resistance he found that all he had left was a sleeve.

_"Bugger,"_ he declared as Kim scrambled back to her feet and grabbed his free wrist while Kay slammed the cuffs over it. What had only taken seconds to play out felt like a massive movie action sequence that had taken several minutes to pass and Kay could hardly breathe. She felt such relief when Alex and a couple of others returned, grasping Fallows and dragging him from the room.

"Kim? Kay?" Alex looked at them both, "you alright?"

Kim nodded breathlessly, panting to get her breath back.

"Just make sure you add two more officers to his list of assault victims," she said.

"I will, don't worry," Alex told her before she left to accompany him to the cells while Kay closed her eyes and felt her heartbeat thumping away. God, this was so _real_. She felt so alive. This was just like her own life, just like the world that she knew. Every tiny detail – the smell of Fallow's B.O. hanging in the air, the ticking of the clock, the air upon her arm as the sleeve detached -

_Bam. _

Like a thunderbolt, a terrible fear struck her and her hand rose quickly to her exposed arm, frantically attempting to cover the ink that lay etched upon her skin but as her head snapped to one side it was already too late. Kim's eyes were fixed upon the spot, her face as white as snow. When she turned her line of sight to meet Kay's eye, the younger woman turned just as pale in a heartbeat.

"_I think we need to talk,"_ Kim whispered, "_Don't you?"_

_**~xXx~**_

_**A/N: I'm feeling pretty emotional today, I don't mind admitting. Three years ago today I wrote the one-shot that ended up being the first chapter of Out of the Window. I never thought that three years an two and a half million words later I would still be writing. I'd gone through over a decade of not being able to write at all, and the finale of A2A was the first thing that changed that.**_

_**I really appreciate all the time that you have spent reading and following my stories, the reviews that you've left, the messages you've sent me, the encouragement you've given. There have been times I wanted to give up. Times I almost did. I'm so glad that I didn't.**_

_**Thank you so much – writing my fics has brought me more than I ever could have imagined that it would. Here's to two more years of the madness :)**_


	10. Chapter 9: Teardrop

**Chapter 9**

Time passed.

_Words_ passed.

Truths were spoken.

How could so few minutes change so much?

~x~

The handle turned and Kim stepped out of the interview room, her face streaked with tears which she hastily wiped roughly with the back of her hand. Her stomach was in knots, she could barely breathe and her head hurt from the truths she'd learnt but couldn't cope with. Behind her Kay stepped out of the room, her head low and tears still threatening to fall. She felt wrung out emotionally; backed into a corner and left with no choice but to admit the truth, it had been so much harder to say than she'd ever thought possible.

"Please," she caught Kim's sleeve and turned her around, "you won't tell her, will you?"

Kim close her eyes and swallowed, then very slowly she shook her head.

"No," she whispered, "I won't."

A little relief crossed Kay's face but her expression was already so haunted that it made little difference. Her lips fought between a smile and a grimace as she fought again not to cry.

"_Thank you,"_ she whispered, "thank you, so much."

"You have no idea how hard this will be for me," Kim warned her.

Kay felt a pain in her chest as she whispered;

"I'm sure that one day I will find a way to repay you."

The look of devastation on her face worried Kim.

"You say that like it's already happened," she whispered.

Kay didn't reply. She _couldn't_. She gave one loud, gasping sob and threw her arms around Kim in a tight hug that only made Kim's anxiety increase but despite that she couldn't help but hug her back. What that girl had been through – it was more than anyone should have to live with.

The sound of someone clearing their throat loudly caused both to end their hug, both jumping guiltily as they turned to see Alex approaching, a look of confusion and curiosity on her face.

"I'd better get back to the canine unit," Kay said quickly with a noticeable tremor in her voice, "got something I need to write up."

"Alright," Kim roughly wiped her eye again, terrified of anyone seeing the telltale sign of emotion, "you, um," she cleared her throat, "you know where I am, alright?"

Kay nodded, biting her lip.

"Always," she said quietly before she turned and left quickly, breaking into a run as she made her way further along the corridor.

"Kim?" Alex frowned, approaching her.

Kim took a deep breath. _Deny everything_.

"Ma'am," She said quickly, "what's going on with Fallows?"

"He's… back in the cells," Alex couldn't have cared less about the man in question, "Kim, what's happened?"

"Just a bit shaken up," Kim shuddered, "that's all." She felt her breath hitch and knew she was close to tears again. "Sorry, ma'am I've got to…" she flinched, "to the toilet, just…" she swallowed very hard and knew she couldn't get out another word. She just needed to escape for a moment, to be alone to deal with the shock. She rushed away, just hoping that Alex wouldn't follow her. She knew Alex wasn't stupid, far from it, and she knew that questions were sure to follow but she hoped for just a few minutes to get herself together.

She was relieved to find nobody in the toilets as she rushed in and let the door slam behind her. Her breaths were fast and shallow, she could hardly get enough oxygen into her body to keep going. She stumbled to the sink and clung to it, staring at her reflection just as she had in the club the night before. Once again she looked haunted and pale but this time it wasn't the sight of her old clothes that had caused it, it was the young woman who'd been wearing them.

"_Keeping it in the family,"_ she whispered.

With a shaking hand she switched on the cold tap and let the water run freely for a few moments. The sound of it covered up the rambled thoughts that were spewing forth from her mind. So many memories came back to her, along with the question she'd never even dared ask before.

_What happened after I jumped? _

She shuddered and took a cupped handful of the cold water, splashed it onto her face and swept her damp hands through her bleached spikes. She blinked some of the droplets away from her eyelids and stared at her reflection again. She didn't look much better if she was honest, just wetter.

"Damn," she mumbled, grabbing a few paper towels and drying herself. As she chucked them in the bin she took a few more deep breaths, this time managing to slow her breathing just a little, then she looked at herself one last time. "Life is one hell of a scriptwriter," she whispered, "that's all I can say."

She shook her head and left the toilets, eyes fixed upon the floor. She didn't look up once as she took a fast, shaky walk through the corridors of Fenchurch East, from custody up to CID. She swallowed as she entered the office and saw Gene just emerging from his office.

"Blimey," he raised an eyebrow at her slightly bedraggled appearance, "what happened? Batman set the drool patrol on yer?"

Kim crossly brushed her fingers through her damp hair but ignored his comment.

"I just came in," she whispered, "to tell you," she flinched, "that I concede."

Gene stared at her.

"You what?"

"The bet," Kim finally looked him in the eye, "I give up. You win."

Gene narrowed his eyes at her.

"You booby-trapped my car or something?" he demanded, "I park my derriere in the driver's seat and a piercing needle shoots out and gives me a Prince Albert?"

Kim shook her head, her stomach churning with emotion.

"No, you were right," she said quietly, "it's impossible to get information out of her. Whatever her secret is it's just not worth it. Let's call it quits." She turned around, her face starting to burn. "I'll leave the car outside your place tonight."

Gene stared at her, aghast.

"Two piercing needles and a set of nipple piercings?" he guessed but Kim shook her head.

"You won, Guv," she said, "let's just leave it at that."

Gene frowned.

"Hold on, Stringer," he barked, "the bet was for who found out her secret first. That's still not out in the open."

"Some things aren't worth the struggle, Guv," Kim shrugged and shook her head, "You win."

Gene wasn't going to leave it there. At the very least he was going to rub it in a little more, but before had a chance Marci flew into the office, her face stricken.

"Guv," she whispered, trembling all over, "the docks… we need to get to the docks right now."

"I don't do after-dinner speaking on cruise liners any more," Gene said sarcastically but Marci wasn't listening.

"The fourth man, Guv," she swallowed, "the one who got away?" she paused and closed her eyes, "we found him. Or he found us," she looked at him frantically, "he's got a hostage."

Gene's expression changed as Kim spun around.

"Civilian?" she asked.

Marci swallowed as her eyes spilled over.

"_Shaz,"_ she whispered.

Kim's mouth dropped open and her heart stopped.

"_What?"_ she breathed.

"Rest of her unit's heading down," Marci whispered.

"With me on their tail," Gene mumbled, striding to the door.

"_Wait,"_ Kim cried, "take me."

"Piercing me nips on the way?"

"Hostage negotiation training," Kim hissed. She closed her eyes momentarily, "and frantic ex-girlfriend who's going to remove your giblets if you leave me here."

Gene gulped.

"Fair enough," he said.

~xXx~

"_Oh my god."_

Kim felt as though her heart had been put through a mangle for the second time in less than an hour.

"How did Ringo get hold of the Canine division's finest?" Gene demanded.

"Ringo?" Simon frowned.

"Got the other three, just need to collect this one and we'll have our own fab four," Gene told him.

"I thought _Fallows_ was the crap one?" Simon frowned, "shouldn't he be Ringo?"

"_Look,"_ Kim barked, "while you two attempt to reform the Beatles from the Fenchurch underworld I'm more concerned about stopping Shaz from being turned into _Pulp!"_

A car came to a halt and a worried Robin jumped out with two more members of the canine division, one of whom was a pale and nervous Kay.

"Kim," he cried.

"Rob?" Kim jogged to him as fast as she could, "tell me what the hell is going on, Rob. What was Shaz doing down here anyway?"

"Had a call from a member of the public after the fourth member of the gang fled the scene," Robin told her, "In his hurry to get away he knocked an eighty-two year old woman flying. Her teeth ended up somewhere in the Thames, apparently." He shook his head, a horrible feeling growing in the pit of his stomach, "Shaz was finishing up at the warehouse and answered the call. From what they told me at the station there were witness up and down the dock, all pointing the way. She went in and he took a chance."

"Why did she head off alone?" Kim demanded.

"We're over-stretched, Kim!" Robin put his hand to his head, "there was no one else. No one but her dog."

"Where's the dog?" Kim asked, suddenly fearing the worst, "Oh no, he didn't…"

Robin shook his head.

"Practically did a Lassie," he said, "tried to protect Shaz at first, when the guy looked like he might do the dog some damage Shaz sent her away and she barked at the passers-by until they called nine nine nine."

"Stringer," Gene's voice was serious and dark, "you up to this?" Kim looked around, shocked by how much she was shaking, "only you look whiter than a Polar bear doing the Daz doorstep challenge."

Kim took a deep breath. Her heart was going at a rate of knots but she nodded, determined.

"I'm up to it," she said.

Another car swerved in, a pool car from which Alex ran, with Jake close behind.

"Oh _god_ no," Alex whispered, the sight of Shaz with a knife to her throat chilling her to the core. It wasn't so long ago she saved the girl from the end of a screwdriver. Surely she hadn't saved her life just to watch her lose it?

"Shaz," Jake whispered. He ran to Marci who could barely stay on her feet.

"I'm not losing another one," her voice was frantic and her eyes full of fear, "not again. Not after Eddie."

"You won't lose her," Kim said flatly, fighting back emotion. There was no time for that and no room for error. She tucked her radio into the top of her trousers and began to move towards the area.

"Kim," Alex said quickly, "I'm coming."

Kim had never felt as grateful for anything as she had for the hand on her shoulder and rock by her side as she continued towards the scene before them.

"_Thank you,"_ she whispered. The sound of Shaz's terrified whimpers broke their hearts and sent fear through their bones as they drew closer. Both had experience of stand-offs and they hadn't always gone well. This time it _had_ to have a positive outcome.

Shaz was _not_ going to die.


	11. Chapter 10: Big Big World

**Chapter 10**

Kim felt as though her heart jumped so high in her chest that it landed in her mouth and almost choked her. The chilly February breeze blew around the man who stood before her; a knife glinting in the dimming sun as he held it against the throat of the girl who'd already cheated death once. If fate had played out the way it should have done then Shaz would have been dead already, but the rest of her life was a blank canvas Kim was determined she should fill in her own time. No crazy guy was going to cut that short.

"_Stop there,"_ the man yelled out and Kim froze on the spot, trying to take in his expression. He seemed more angry than scared and that wasn't a good sign. He was a man who knew he'd reached the end of the road. He knew there was no way out for him. That made him dangerous. The fear in Shaz's expression reflected that.

"My name's DCI Kim Stringer," Kim began, holding her voice steady, "I'm going to show you my ID."

"_No,"_ the man yelled quickly as Kim reached for it, "keep your hands where I can see them."

Very slowly and cautiously Kim held up her hands.

"There," she said, "you can see them. I don't have a weapon."

"What about her?" the man barked and nodded to one side. Kim cautiously glanced around to see Alex edging closer.

"I'm not armed either," she told him.

"Stay where you are then," he barked, grasping Shaz a little tighter to make her give out a pained squeal.

"_Stay back, ma'am,"_ she whimpered, terrified by the blade that she could feel pressing against her skin every now and then. She knew it was only a matter of time before she would feel it press a little too hard and trail of blood would seep from her vein.

"What's your name, sir?" Kim asked, hoping she could be heard against the wind. She had a feeling she already knew it from the information they'd gleaned on the first day of the raid but she didn't want to risk angering him any further by calling him the wrong thing.

"Bateman," he barked.

"Mister Bateman," Kim nodded slowly, "can I use your first name?" She waited for him to offer it but he didn't. Neither did he respond to her question. She closed her eyes momentarily. "Mister Bateman, I'm here to help bring a peaceful end to this situation."

"I don't think that'd going to happen," Bateman shook his head. He sounded surprisingly calm but there was a tremble through his body that worried Kim. What if he shook a little too hard?

"The woman you are holding is Police Sergeant Sharon Granger," Kim began as calmly as she could, "she is a young woman with her whole life ahead of her –"

"Which is more than I've got!" Bateman cried, "what happens? I let her go, you slap a pair of cuffs on me and we all go to Pizza Hut for tea? No. I let her go, ten men jump on me, knock me to the ground, batter me a bit and drag me off to the cells, which is where I'll stay for the next twenty years."

"The length of time you stay in a cell depends on your actions right now," Kim told him sternly, "let her go and give yourself up, the courts will look favourably on that. But if you hurt her… if you kill Shaz, you will be looking at spending the rest of your days behind bars." She swallowed. "Shaz is Sharon's nickname," she explained and Bateman stared at her angrily.

"Don't patronise me, I can work that out for myself."

But that wasn't Kim's point.

"It was actually Alex…" she nodded in Alex's direction, "DCI Drake… who gave her the nickname," she continued, "on a night out."

Alex closed her eyes momentarily. She remembered that wild night out with Kim and Shaz, downing shots. She wasn't sure that Shaz had ever realised why Alex called her by her shortened name, even after she learnt about the world.

"It's true," Alex spoke up as she worked out the direction Kim was taking the conversation. "It was a great night out. Shaz is a lot of fun."

"She has a lot of friends," Kim continued, "a lot of people who care about her. She has a partner who loves her very much and she has a dog that she's trained from a puppy. Best member of the canine division. She goes to her mum's for Sunday lunch every other week."

Bateman stared at Kim, his mouth open slightly in confusion.

"What? What are you telling me this for?" he cried.

"She's a human being with a life of her own," Kim told him firmly, "if you do anything stupid right now then not only will you be going down for running those women, handling counterfeit goods and drugs offenses but you're going to have manslaughter on your hands at the very least. You're standing there, thinking about it. Thinking it over. You're not acting in the heat of the moment any more, mister Bateman. This would be murder and any jury that hears about Shaz, about her life and the joy she brings to others through her friendship, her compassion, her dedication to the job and her love of life… they're going to see if the same way." She took a very slow step forward. "The first step is to hand over the knife."

Bateman stared at her incredulously.

"You can't expect me to just –"

"You're not a killer, Mister Bateman," Kim said her voice steady as she took another step and slowly stretched out her arm, "you got mixed up in some bad business. You're going to lose a few years of your life but if you take hers then you could well lose the rest of yours too." She looked him in the eye as she saw him swallow and shake. "You're not a killer. This isn't the way to end things. Give me the knife. Slowly." She stretched out a little further and took another step closer. "Come on, mister Bateman."

Bateman stared at Kim, the looked down at the knife in his hand and the top of Shaz's head, her breaths short and sharp, panicked. He'd never meant for that to happen. He was desperate and there seemed no other solution.

"I panicked," he whispered.

That was the first glimpse of hope Kim had seen. She noted that his in initial anger had started to fade and was giving way to shock, mostly over his own actions.

"I know," she nodded slowly, "it's hard to think straight when you're scared."

"I _wasn't_ thinking straight,"

"You weren't the first," Kim told him, one more slow, hesitant step closer, "you won't be the last. But you can end this now and be better than the situation. Give me the knife. Let Shaz go."

Bateman swallowed. Kim could see Shaz's breathing slowly a little as his grip over her loosened just a little.

"What happens if I give you the knife?" he asked.

"If you hand me the knife and let Shaz go then the officers around me with come and cuff you," she told him, "that's for your own safety as well as ours."

Bateman swallowed,

"Will they," he hesitated, "throw me on the floor?"

"That depends on how much you co-operate with me now," Kim told him softly, "if you give me the knife then that's the first step."

Bateman swallowed. He looked down and the shaking blade. He wasn't ready for that.

"I'll let her go," he whispered, more scared by the woman in his grasp than anything. He'd seen Shaz as his own tool at first, his own way out. Now she felt like a ticking time bomb. If he slipped, or if she struggled, if that knife drew a drop of blood then he could see himself trapped in a cell for eternity. It had all spiralled out of control and Shaz was a hot potato he needed to drop.

"Give me the knife first," Kim said quietly, stepping closer but Bateman shook his head.

"Girl first," he breathed, trying not to show his fear. This time Kim nodded slowly.

"Alright," she said quietly, "take it very easy. Move the knife away from her throat." She watched as his trembling hand began to move, "That's it," she said quietly, "hold out the blade. Hold it away from Shaz."

Bateman's eyes were fixed on Kim as he moved his hand away, little by little, shaking and shuddering.

"Now what?" he whispered.

Kim swallowed.

"Just let her go," she whispered, "let her go and that'll be the first step to ending this."

Bateman hesitated. He swallowed and tried to catch his breath. He didn't want Shaz's blood on his hands, but he didn't want the end of the story to be the door of the cell closing behind him. He'd still lost. There was no way out. Whatever happened, he'd already lost his life.

"_It's over,"_ he cried quite suddenly, panting for air. With a hard shove he pushed Shaz away into Kim's waiting arm, crying and gasping in shock and terror.

"Oh _god,"_ she cried, "_oh my god,"_ as Kim clung to her and closed her eyes.

"Shaz, I've got you," she whispered, "I've got you, you're safe now."

"_Shaz!"_ Marci's frantic cry rang out and footsteps pounded in her direction but as the tearful young DC reached her girlfriend and threw her arms around her everyone's attention was caught by Alex's voice ringing out.

"_Mister Bateman, stop!"_

Where a moment earlier the man had laid his blade against the throat of a young woman he now stood with it pressed to his own. Officers who'd started to run in his direction froze as Alex desperately waved them back.

"It's alright," Bateman cried out, "I've already lost my life so I might as well do it properly.

"You let Shaz go," Alex began, desperate to avoid any bloodshed, whoever's it might be, "this can all be over in a few minutes. Lay down the knife. Don't do something stupid, Mister Bateman, you have a chance right now to step away and do the right thing."

"The right _thing?"_ Bateman gave a desperate laugh, "I know right from wrong and look what I've spent the last five years doing? Up to my elbows in knock-off gear, turning a blind eye to the little white packages tucked under the trainers, taking my freebies on the weekend from the girls? What makes you think I'll do the right thing now?"

"Because you already did once," Alex told him forcefully, "you let Shaz go. You spared her. Now do the same for yourself."

Bateman snorted.

"I'm not worth sparing."

"You thought you were when you took a hostage."

"I wasn't thinking!"

"You wanted your freedom," Alex slowly stepped towards him, "you wanted your life."

"I didn't want to be trapped behind bars!"

"Where you might go for… five… maybe eight years," Alex began, "where as _death_…" she flinched, the words cutting too close to the bone, "death is a permanent state, There's no coming back from that."

From the crowd of officers, Kay stepped shakily and slowly forward. Her eyes were fixed on Alex and she trembled as she whispered,

"_Never a truer word."_

Her heart was pounding as she saw the knife glinting. While he might have been holding it to his own throat Kay knew in a split second he could dive forward and aim the blade to Alex instead. _Shit_, there were horrible echoes of another day, another terrifying situation and she just couldn't shake them. A different man, a different weapon but a situation with so any echoes that she thought she was going to be sick.

"What's your name?" Bateman breathed heavily, the knife resting against his flesh.

Alex looked him in the eye.

"My name is Alex Drake, I'm a detective chief inspector."

"Do you have any children, Alex Drake?"

The question caught Alex off guard. Her skin seemed to pale right where she stood as she whispered,v

"Yes. I have two."

Kim's head turned immediately to Kay who looked even paler than Alex, her lip trembling as she stared wordlessly ahead.

"Do you know what it's like to be separated from your kids?" Bateman bared his teeth as a hidden anger bubbled to the surface, "not to be able to pick them up from school or watch them in their biggest march of the season?

Alex swallowed, her breath escaping her.

"_Yes,"_ she whispered, "yes, I do." She was aware of the disbelieving look that Bateman gave her. "I can't be with them right now," she whispered, desperately trying to stop her voice from breaking.

"It's not the same," Bateman hissed, "If you wanted to you could pick up the phone or turn up on the doorstep."

"No, I can't," Alex whispered but Bateman ignored her.

"Wife left me last time I was in trouble," he said darkly, "I only get to see my kids every other weekend. But if I go inside I won't even have that."

"How is being dead any better?" Alex whispered, barely able to breathe. She spoke to Bateman as seriously as she could but inside she felt like the biggest hypocrite.

"At least I won't be missing them!" Bateman barked.

"But they'll be missing _you!"_ Alex told him, "you can write to them, you can call them, there'll be visits –"

"The wife won't allow that."

"You don't know that! You don't know until you try."

"What's the point?"

"The point is, Mister Bateman," Alex stepped a little closer, "they you're still talking to me. You've not given up because you've not done it yet. You're still alive. You know deep down that you don't want to take the easy way out."

"Easy?" Bateman cried.

"Yes, _easy!"_ cried Alex, "come on, Mister Bateman, you're better than that – you already had the courage to hand over Shaz, now hand over the knife." She slowly reached towards him and he realised for the first time how close she now was. When had that happened? He hadn't even realised. "Just give me the knife, mister Bateman," she said, a little more softly, "gently. Slowly. Give me the knife and then we can help you." Her fingers twitched to beckon him. "We can all see you want to do the right thing. That will count on your side." She took one last step towards him. She was so close now that if he turned to knife on her then the outcome could be extremely dark. "Come on, Sir. Hand me the knife and it'll all be over." She could see his trembling increase and there were tears in his eyes. His chest vibrated as he held back tears of desperation, the tears of a man who had nowhere else to go. It was make or break time, now or never. He had to end it or he had to end his life. "Please. Mister Bateman. Don't make me tell your children their father has died."

Kay swallowed back an anguished cry, the scenario too familiar. She forgot to breathe, she couldn't move, her eyes were fixed upon Alex as she reached a little closer.

"Give me the knife, Sir," Alex said calmly, "Come on."

"…_Increased evidence of brain activity…" _

Kay froze, then blinked, her eyes darting around. She wasn't sure where the voice had come from but there were more important things going on to worry about right there and then so she focused on Alex again as she reached a little closer.

"The knife," she said again. Her voice held a certainty and a confidence that Bateman found hard to resist. He swallowed, hand trembling wildly and slowly moved the blade away from his throat.

"That's it," Alex told him gently, "a little more. You're almost there." She watched his hand shaking as he clutched the weapon, "just little further." She swallowed, barely daring to breathe. His hand moved closer and closer, the blade still glinting in the sun before it left the sky for the night. "Come on, mister Bateman. You're almost there." He hesitated, a shaking hand held above her open one. "Give me the knife, sir." She paused as he looked at her with eyes that seemed full of fear. "Give me the knife and it will all be over."

Bateman's hand trembled so hard that those around feared he might shake so badly that he'd cut Alex by accident, but slowly and shakily he laid the blade in the palm of her hand, then took in a deep breath. Finally his fingers released the handle and, closing his eyes, he began to choke out a sob.

_"Thank you,"_ Alex whispered, "well done." She drew in her breath and stepped back. _"It's over,"_ she announced, officers flooding the scene and surrounding him while she swept her hand out behind her for someone to take the knife away. The second she was relieved of the blade she breathed a sigh of relief, then found herself smothered by Kim as she hugged her over-enthusiastically.

"_Well done, ma'am,"_ she cried while Simon patted her shoulder.

"Nice one," he said.

"Good one, Bolls," Gene agreed while Jake sounded hugely impressed as he said,

"Well _done_, Ma'am."

Alex breathed in deeply, just enjoying the relief and smiling politely to the praise that she didn't really feel necessary. It was her job and she'd just done what she had to do, but before she could tell them that, Kay flew towards her and flung her arms around Alex's neck.

It sounded as though she breathed, "_I know you would do it, ma'am,"_ but the pronunciation of the last word seemed a little strange.

"What?" Alex asked but as she turned to Kay so Gene pushed her away to force his flask upon her.

"Refreshments, Bols, you look like you need it," he said.

Alex frowned. She couldn't focus on the flask

"No, I'm fine, Gene, thank you," she said, pushing him out of the way and looking at Kay with a frown. Her eyes seemed glassy and her expression changing second by second. "Is –"

"Alex, that was _fantastic,"_ Robin ran closer.

"Yes, thanks, Robin, "Alex sighed in frustration as she tried to focus on Kay but the woman's face seemed to gloss over and her eyes scanned the space around her.

"…_She's coming back to us."_

The voice seemed so close by but Kay couldn't see the source. She looked and she listened but there was no one near.

"…_Let me through..."_

"…_Mister White, when she awakens if she asks you to leave we are obliged to make sure her wishes are fulfilled…._

Kay swallowed as a brightness filtered through her eyes and her mind. She looked upwards, as though trying to work out where it was coming from but there was nothing there; no lights in the sky, nothing.

"_My god,"_ she whispered, swallowing as she recalled the words from that goddamned book, from Sam Tyler's report, from the people who'd been there, the people who' finally told her the truth. _This was it_. It was coming. She was _going_.

"Kay?"

_Oh shit._ She heard Alex's voice saying her name but she didn't listen. She _couldn't_. If she _did_ then it would make it so much harder to do what she knew she had to do, so without another thought she scrambled away, the light growing ever stronger, and began to run for a nearby outhouse.

"Ma'am?" Kim tried to get Alex's attention.

Alex swallowed.

"'_Ma'am',"_ she whispered. She closed her eyes and replayed Kay's words; the pronunciation that seemed strange with the unexpected hug. "It wasn't '_ma'am',"_ she whispered.

Kim froze.

"What?" she asked.

Alex closed her eyes and breathed on deeply.

"It was _mum_, not _ma'am_," she whispered.

"Alex?" Simon asked, "what's wrong.

Alex's stomach flipped over while her heart seemed to skip a beat. She swallowed as her eyes flew open and she whispered,

"She said _Mum_. 'I knew you would do it _mum_'." She gave an emotional cry. "Oh _god_, where _is_ she?"

In the distance she could see Kay's form disappearing and began to take chase.

"What _now_ Bolly?" Gene called after her, "_Bolly?"_

"It's _her_," was all Alex could reply, her speed increasing.

"Oh shit," Kim mumbled as she took off after Alex leaving Gene shaking his fists.

"_Stringer!"_ he barked, "whatever's going on it had better end up with that car parked outside my window by the end of the day and not your tongue down me better half's neck!"

Kim flipped him off over her shoulder ad she continued to run, with Alex a few paces ahead. The outhouse looked dark and deserted as they pounded towards it.

X

Already inside, Kay felt the brightness overpowering her. She could hear footsteps behind her but the voices from the other side were calling her back. She dropped to her knees and turned her head to the roof, shielding her eyes but it made no difference. The light came from within.

"…_She's coming round."_

"…_She's coming back to us."_

"…_Kay? Can you hear me Kay?"_

Kay closed her eyes, one tear sliding from the corner.

"_Yes,"_ she whispered. Her heart ached as it split in two. _It's too soon_. It was just too soon. There was so much more she wanted to see and to do, so much more she wanted to know.

But, she supposed, her question had been answered. She knew what she needed to know. The longer she stayed, the harder it would be to go.

"And I _have_ to," she whispered.

_"…Kay? Come on, Kay, open your eyes..."_

"…_She's waking up…"_

Kay swallowed as the light overpowered her.

"Yes," she whispered, "I am."

"…_Come on, Kay."_

And then one last voice.

"…_It's me, it's your godfather. Please, open your eyes, Molly…"_

She bowed her head and took one last breath as the light consumed her.

"_Goodbye,"_ she whispered, "_mum."_

The moment that Alex's feet pounded to a halt in the doorway was the same moment that the light stole her daughter away from the world and took her back home, back to where she belonged.

"_No!"_ Alex's scream came from the heart and stung her chest as she struggled to breathe. Her mouth hung open as she stared at the empty space where the girl had been standing just a moment earlier. She swallowed and trembled, stepping slowly closer. She could even see her footprints on the dust on the ground.

Alex could hear Kim running into the building and stopping dead behind her as she dropped to her knees. Lying there on the ground was a watch, the one Kay had been wearing. _Ticking_. Alex held it up, caressing the dial with her thumb. A tear rolled down her cheek as she turned around.

"It was her, wasn't it?" her voice was broken, loaded with emotion. She looked Kim in the eye, hardly able to go on. "It was my Molly."

Tearfully, Kim nodded.

"_Yes,"_ she whispered, her voice quiet.

"And you _knew?"_ Alex's face creased with tears and confusion.

"Only for an hour, I swear," Kim whispered, "she told me not to tell you. She swore me to secrecy, ma'am I'm so sorry."

Alex swallowed as more tears fell.

"But _why?"_ she whispered.

Kim swallowed and stepped a little closer.

"Because," she whispered, "it was too hard." She swallowed and slowly knelt down beside her, "if you'd known it would have been too hard for her to go home." She swallowed and wiped her eyes, "and she _had_ to, ma'am. She has people she needs to get home to."

Alex nodded slowly as she looked back at the watch.

"_Needed,"_ she corrected. Another tear dropped onto the face of the watch. "She needed to. And now she's there."

Kim nodded.

"Yes," she whispered.

Alex stared at the watch for the longest time, one tear falling after another.

"I didn't know, Kim, how could I not have _known?"_

"Because she didn't _want_ you to," Kim said simply. She wiped her eye again and sniffed, "people are very good at hiding who they used to be, Ma'am, when they don't want people to know." She closed her eyes as she recalled the years after her return to the real world, hiding from Keats. Changing her name, her appearance, her career – disappearing was the easy part. It was living with the secret that hurt.

"But-but she's my _daughter_," Alex's voice broke, "I'd have _known_…"

"Ten _years_, ma'am," Kim whispered, "ten years passed since you last saw her. How much can a person change in ten years? She was only sixteen when you last saw her. She was practically a child, Ma'am. He's an adult now. You weren't looking for a grown-up Molly in this world."

Alex swallowed.

_"Molly,"_ she whispered. Her eyes turned back to the watch as she observed the hands going round. The enormity of the situation began to dawn on her and stole her ability to talk, to breathe, to _cope_. Loud sobs burst forth from within her as she let Kim's arms wrap around her, doing their best to soothe the pain. "_My Molly."_

That was the last thing Alex was able to say for some time. She cursed herself, berated herself for not realising, hated every part of her for not even guessing. But Kim was right, when someone does not want to be found then hiding is the easy part. Keeping the secret must have been the hardest thing Molly had ever had to do.

She swallowed and drew together her thoughts. She'd lost her daughter once again but she also knew that she was _thriving_. That was something she needed. Her daughter had followed in her footsteps, in more ways than one. Now she was a beautiful young woman. _And_, she noted, Molly knew that Alex was happy.

"_Goodbye, Molls,"_ she whispered, turning the watch over and over in her hands. She took a very deep breath. "_Until we meet again."_

And they would. Of that she felt suddenly very certain.


	12. Chapter 11: It's a Beautiful Thing

**Chapter 11**

**One Hour Earlier**

Kim closed the door of the interview room slowly and tuned around. Kay looked terrified, stricken and serious. Her expression looked like someone who had accidentally left a bag full of military secrets on the bus.

Kim took a deep breath and slowly walked back to her, taking careful hold of her arm and turning it a little to see the details of the ink. Her finger slowly traced a little of the line around the split globe, the familiar imagery showing the fusion between two words with hints of faces so familiar caught within it. She slowly rolled up the sleeve of the oversized shirt she was wearing to reveal one of her own designs and positioned her arm beside Kay's. Side by side, the likeness was even more uncanny, except for one or two details and the script across the top which on Kim said, _"I survived_" while Kay's tattoo bore a different sentiment in a font exceedingly close to the original. "_Forever Alive,"_ it said.

"Well," Kim's voice wavered as she spoke, "we seem to have a pretty similar taste in tattoos." She swallowed as she stared into Kay's wide, hesitating eyes, glossing over as tears began to build. "_Very_ similar," she swallowed, "your superior officer has a similar taste too," she hesitated, recalling the day she had given Robin his first tattoo, a design based around her own, long before they were anything more than friends. She took a step back, her sleeve still rolled up and the design still on view as she began, "well now. You're too tall to be me from some sort of... parallel universe," she rubbed her forehead, "and too _female_ to be Robin from a parallel universe." She was pretty sure that Simon would know an episode of Red Dwarf to counter those arguments and was glad that he wasn't there to interfere. Drawing in her breath and gathering her courage she concluded, "so, you would have to be someone who knows us. _Knew_ us" she swallowed, "all of us." She watched a tear fall silently from Kay's eye and roll down her cheek. Kim could barely feel herself together as she studied her face and the evidence before her, "_don't you,"_ she whispered, "_Molly?"_

The instant the word left Kim's lips Kay's whole posture stiffened, as though someone had said a magic word. Wide eyes looked back at Kim, her heart pounding as she whispered;

"How did you know? I-I could have been _anyone_ –"

"I've seen the way you are around Alex," Kim said quietly, "you wouldn't look her in the eye. That's either a sign of trying to hide hate or love." She watched the girl swallow and look down at her feet. "_Oh, Molly,"_ she breathed _"Kay_… what am I even supposed to call you?"

Kay breathed deeply.

"I haven't used my old name in," she swallowed, "the last _eight years_." She looked back at Kim, "but," she whispered, "I didn't think it could ever feel so good to hear it again."

"You changed your name," Kim knew her comment was a little unnecessary. That had been clear already but she needed to start at the beginning, to discover the path that the girl's life had taken.

"Being Molly Drake was a curse," she whispered, feeling almost ashamed of her decision for a moment, "I carried around with me a legacy of… of being Alex Drake's daughter, the mother who'd been shot, in a coma, suffocated on a barge and assaulted a self-service check-out."

Kim cringed a little, recalling Alex's brief time out of her coma a long time ago.

"Yes," she whispered.

"And _Evan_," Kim noted that there was a note of anger in the girl's voice as she said his name, "that book… that fucking _book_." She looked Kim in the eye, "all he wanted was the money. He didn't care. Not about Alex. Not about _any_ of us. He sold thast book and made Mum look like a mad woman. He made you _all_ look like freaks." She cringed as she saw hurt flash across Kim's face. "I'm sorry," she whispered, "he turned the book into some kind of… tragedy. As though you were all linked by fate to suffer tragic deaths." She swallowed. "He made your jump the conclusion of the book."

She saw Kim become increasingly uncomfortable, a look of darkness in her eyes.

"I _had_ to," she whispered, "I needed to get here because people… they were in danger –"

"_I know, I know,"_ Kay said quickly and Kim's eyes rose to meet hers again.

"_How_ do you know?" she asked quietly.

Momentarily a look of panic seemed to cross Kay's face. She swallowed and hesitated before she whispered,

"You called me. They established that your message… I was the last person you spoke to."

Kim hesitated,

"I didn't tell you where I was going," she said stiffly and Kay seemed frozen for a moment.

"I met your brother," she whispered eventually. Kim's entire expression changed, cycling rapidly through myriad different emotions as she remembered the day she'd taken the leap of faith. Just hours before, she had found him - quite accidentally - and entrusted to him the truth in a letter.

"_Oh my god,"_ she whispered, "the letter… the letter I wrote… you _read_ it?" Kim felt churned up inside. She couldn't even remember what she had said in the letter.

"You had to do it," Kay avoided the question, "I know that. But to Evan it was just another thing to exploit for his own gains." She shuddered as bile rose inside of her. "I disowned him. I refused to speak to him. I… I guess I went off the rails a little bit," she looked down with a distant smile, scuffing her shoe along the ground. "My poor foster mother. She had to put up with a _lot_ from me. Coming home late, with all manner of metal through my face." She noticed that Kim gave a gentle laugh.

"Yeah, I've been there," she whispered.

"I idolised you, Kim," Kay whispered, "for what you did."

Kim stared at her, confused and shaken.

"For… _jumping?"_ she whispered as Kay looked away.

"No," she whispered, "for more than that. Everything you did for mum. You were an inspiration."

"I was a _drunk_," Kim whispered, "at the end."

"Didn't do so badly on that note myself," Kay said quietly, "I went through two years of gross rebellion. Drinking, parting, dabbling in a few things I shouldn't. It all… got too much for me," she flinched as memories of moments she could never forget came back to her mind, "but my foster mother stood by me and helped me through." She took a deep breath, trying to cool down a little. "When I turned eighteen a trust fund came to maturity," she continued, "there had been a legal battle and… well, Evan had been forced to put a proportion of the book's profits into it for me. The part Alex had written before her death. It was deemed my property as her next of kin."

"Quite bloody right too," Kim said, her blood boiling at every mention of Evan.

"As soon as I got that money I used it to change my life," Kay continued, "I got surgery. Had my mole removed." She pointed to the tiny mark on her face, the scarring almost invisible by now, "that was how people recognised me. I got my nose reshaped as well. It was just enough. No one recognised me any more. I dyed my hair red. I got a few more piercings. And ," her voice hitched, "there was one more change to make."

"The tattoo," Kim whispered, wiping away a tear before it could escape as Kay nodded.

"I knew what I wanted," she whispered, "I found photographs, of you and of Robin. I found a tattooist who was able to reconstruct the design the best he could and then made the adjustments for me. It cost a bomb but it was worth it, _totally_ worth it."

"_Forever alive,"_ Kim whispered, saying the words still in plain sight on Kay's arm.

"That's what you are," she whispered, "right?"

Kim closed her eyes and nodded tearfully.

"_Yes,"_ she whispered, "_we are."_

"You too?" Kay asked.

"It's the rank," Kim whispered and Kay gave her a sad smile.

"Good," she whispered, "as it should be."

Kim swallowed, those words rang a bell. She tried to shake that away.

"And, your name…?" she prompted and Kay nodded slowly.

"That was the last change I made," she whispered, "I was eighteen. I could make it legal."

"You'd already been using it?"

"Sort of," Kay looked a little sheepish and a little shy, "I didn't start out as Kay."

"You didn't?"

Kay shook her head with an embarrassed smile.

"I used another name at first," she whispered, "mostly online. No one knew me there."

"What name?" Kim frowned feeling a strange shiver as an embarrassed Kay glanced at her with a tiny smile. "_Mine?"_ Kim blinked. Her stomach flipped as Kay nodded with a smile. "_Shit_," Kim smiled back despite herself. That was one of the most flattering things she'd ever heard, and coupled with the fact that she had taken Alex's name when she had changed her identity it felt like bringing things full-circle.

"Like I said," Kay whispered, "I idolised you. I wanted to be like you. That strong." She swallowed, "Maybe I had a bit of a crush on you. I don't know. It was the first name that came to mind."

Kim nodded slowly.

"So," she frowned, "how did you get to Kay?"

The girl laughed gently.

"It's funny, but Hunt," she began, "was all sarcastic about my name. _'Like the letter K'_, he asked me. I told him my friends couldn't cope with a three letter word so it was just one letter. It wasn't as sarcastic as I made out. People used to just type a K when they were messaging me quickly. And I liked it. I used to sign stuff with a K. When I started university and I said my name was '_K'_ people thought I meant the _name_. Before I knew it, that's how everyone knew me. Making it legal was the natural progression. _And_," she whispered, "no one could link me with mum any more." She looked down. "Her death was quite the shadow to live in."

Kim looked down too.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, "It must have been _so_ hard."

"I was lost without her," Kay whispered, "I know that might sound strange. She'd been comatose for years. But being gone... _completely_… that was different. I tried to follow in her footsteps. I took psychology, but… it wasn't for me." Kay sighed and pushed her hair out of her face. "But another part of her life… that _was_ for me. I was drawn to it. A part of _all_ of you. And I tried not to because I didn't want to be questioned about it. I didn't want anyone to think my reasons for joining up were anything other than… wanting to _help_. Wanting to protect people."

"You joined the police," Kim said with a soft smile and Kay nodded.

"As soon as I stopped fighting it and went for it I knew what I wanted to do," she told her, "Robin and the dogs… I remember the stories he used to tell me about raids… the bond officers had with their dogs… I'd never had a dog. Mum wouldn't let me. It always sounded like a stronger bond than I'd ever had with another human being. I knew places were limited but I applied for the training programme and I got in. I loved the team. They were so friendly, supportive. Only my chief inspector knew about mum. _And_ about all of you. She understood why I wanted to keep my past private and made sure that was never an issue."

"So by the time you came here," Kim whispered, "you really were a different person."

Kay looked down. She nodded slowly.

"It's not like it never crossed my mind," she whispered, "it was always there… the possibility that one day I might come here. But it's not why I joined up and - before you ask - I didn't do anything to get here."

"I didn't even think it," Kim held up her hands.

"I don't think I'm going to be here for long," Kay said quietly, "I can hear them. Out there. The voices."

Kim nodded slowly. She knew that wasn't always an indication of how long she was going to be there but there wasn't time to go into the complexities of the matter.

"Kay," she whispered, "I still don't understand why you've kept your identity a secret here." She watched the girl look away. "Your mother… she loves you with all of her heart, and she missed you every single day. She should know, Mol-_Kay_, this is your one chance –"

"I don't want her to know," Kay said quickly.

"But –"

"She mustn't know who I am," Kay insisted.

Kim swallowed.

"_Why?"_ she whispered.

"Because," Kay swallowed, "if she looked me in the eye and said my name I'm not sure I would ever be able to leave." She wiped her eyes as tears started falling, "And I have people back home who need me. I can't stay here, Kim. As much as it hurts… she can't know."

Kim nodded, trying and failing to stop the tears from falling.

"I think I understand," she whispered, wiping her eye on her shirt, "but there's still something I _don't_ understand."

"Just _one_ thing?" Kay asked tearfully with a tiny smile and Kim gave a choking laugh.

"Alright, one thing above the others that I just don't get," she said, "why _now?_ I mean, why nineteen ninety eight? What does that year mean to you?"

Kay blinked away a tear. She thought silently for a moment before she said,

"I don't think… nineteen ninety eight means _anything_ to me. I was very young, but I don't think anything happened."

"Then why now?" Kim shook her head, "I mean, we all went back to certain years to help us solve our personal issues… questions from the past."

Kay swallowed and stayed at the floor.

"That, it has," she whispered.

"Pardon?"

Kay looked at her.

"My mum," she whispered, "losing her is the most painful thing I've ever gone through. What good would it have done me to see her being shot or the day she died? I could have gone back to two thousand and eight or two thousand and twelve but it wouldn't have solved anything. My question wasn't what happened when she died," she took a deep breath, "it's what happened to her _afterwards_."

"What do you mean?" Kim whispered.

"It's about," Kay began, her voice shaking, "whether she was happy," she dabbed at her eye, "and she as. She_ is_." A sad smile flickered across her face, "The _Hunt_ guy isn't exactly who I'd have picked for a stepfather but," she shook her head, "he loves her, and he looks after her. The way she looked after me." It was hard for Kay to admit to how happy Alex was in a world without her, but she couldn't deny it. "She's loved and cared for. She has you. All her friends. She loves her job and everything that goes with it. I've never seen her this happy. And," she continued, "I know it's not _because_ she's not with me. It's in _spite_ of it. I just needed to know," she wiped her eyes, "that she made the right decision."

Kim nodded slowly, her eyes spilling over again.

_"Yes,"_ she whispered, "_she did."_

"_And you,"_ Kay looked at Kim and her expression seemed to grow more anxious, "tell me you're happy, Kim?"

"Yes, Yes, I _am,"_ Kim frowned a little, "of _course_ I am."

"And you're with Robin and you're happy together, right?" Kay urged and Kim nodded again.

"Of _course_, you've seen us," she wondered why Kay seemed more emotional about Kim's place in the world than her own mother's. "Kay? Is there anything you want to tell me?"

Kay looked stricken at first, unsure what to say.

"Just," she whispered, licking her lips. She took a deep breath and seemed to calm down a little, "_just be happy,"_ she whispered, "every day. Make the most of it."

"I will. I _do," _Kim reassured her, nodding with a tearful smile.

Kay nodded and wiped her eyes again.

"You and Robin," he whispered, "do you have any children yet?"

Kim looked down, her heart heavy.

"No," she whispered, "not yet."

"Oh," Kay seemed quiet. She touched Kim's hand gently. "It'll happen," she whispered, "just hang in there."

Kim felt a little awkward.

"OK," she whispered.

Kay glanced at the clock.

"Shit," she whispered, "we've been in here for so long…"

"You're right, we'd better move out," Kim told her, "before anyone comes to find us and questions the sobfest."

"We could always blame Hunt's driving," Kay suggested and Kim gave a genuine laugh. She looked her in the eye as she grabbed her work jacket and pulled it on to cover her tattoo.

"I've missed you, Molly," Kim whispered, "_Kay_. Sorry."

"Don't be," the girl gave a sad smile, "it's kind of nice to hear it. From _you_." She paused, her lip trembling, and flung her arms around Kim quite suddenly. Kim was shocked but glad of the hug and squeezed her back. "_Stay safe, Kim,"_ Kay whispered.

"_You too,"_ Kim whispered, "you too."

As their hug ended and they exchanged a silent smile both knew they would never forget a moment of their conversation. Molly… Kay… had found the answers her heart needed to hear, and Kim had felt a touch of the past. But both lived in different worlds now, worlds where they were happy.

For Kay, that world as about to call a little more loudly. A goodbye was inevitable and was something she had never underestimated the power of, not for a moment.


	13. Chapter 12: I Want You Back

**Chapter 12**

The onlookers watched in confusion as Kim and Alex returned from the outhouse with no sign of Kay. Both were wiping their eyes and had their heads bowed. Kim touched Alex's arm and asked a question which Alex responded to with a nod, all the while biting her lip, and finally the two parted. Kim headed straight to Robin but before he could say a word she said the most un-Kimlike thing he had ever heard.

"Hold me," she whispered, "please?"

"Kim?" Robin felt unnerved as Kim pressed herself into his arms, "what's –"

"Just hold me," she whispered, "please."

Robin looked at her in confusion, then wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him.

"You're shaking," he whispered.

"I'm sorry," Kim whispered back.

"No, don't apologise," Robin felt fairly concerned, "I'm _worried_, Kim, what's happened?"

Kim couldn't speak at first. It took several moments before she could bring herself to respond to his question, pulling away to look at him. He was alarmed to find a wet patch on his shirt left by her tears.

"Kay's gone home," she whispered.

Robin waited for her to continue.

"Oh?" he blinked, somewhat confused, "Kim, I didn't think you were that close… she's only been here for two days."

"We _were_ close," Kim whispered, "so were _you_." She swallowed as she saw his confusion grow. "But not as close as Alex was."

"Alex?" Robin frowned, "I thought she barely –"

"Rob," Kim held him firmly and looked him in the eye, "_it was Molly."_

"Molly?" Robin repeated as his face changed. "Molly who–" his eyes widened, _"Molly?"_ he breathed deeply, trying to work out how that was possible, "No, Kim, her name –"

"She changed it," Kim's voice broke as she whispered to him, "she changed it years ago."

"Her file didn't say –"

"It wouldn't, Rob. She is _Kay_ now. That's what her file will tell you."

"But I didn't recognise her –"

"No one did," Kim told him. "she's a grown woman now, Rob, not a teenager."

"_Shit,"_ Robin struggled for breath. The fact was so overwhelming that he couldn't handle it. "Then how do you know –"

"Her tattoo," Kim whispered, "or should I say," she touched the side of Robin's arm, "_our_ tattoo."

Robin swallowed.

"The same –?"

"The very same."

Robin closed his eyes. It felt so strange, almost too much to take in. He held Kim again, held her close to his chest as he whispered,

"And Alex?"

"Just figured it out," Kim whispered, "a moment too late."

"Oh _god,"_ Robin shook his head, "She'll be devastated Kim."

"Kay wanted it that way," Kim whispered, "and I think I understand. She said if Alex knew who she was it would be too hard to leave."

Robin nodded, biting his lip.

"_Don't get attached,"_ he whispered. He'd heard Kay say it more than once but didn't understand what she'd meant. It made sense now. "Kim?" he whispered.

Kim looked at him.

"Yeah?"

Robin hesitated.

"Are you alright?"

Kim swallowed.

"I will be," she whispered, "and Alex will too."

~xXx~

Gene stepped back a little as Alex walked toward him, her face streaked with tears but her expression as hard and tough as she could make it. She needed to do that just to hold herself together. Before he could ask her where she'd been or what happened she said;

"Take me home, Gene."

Gene hadn't been expecting those words.

"Pardon Bols?" he frowned. "You recommending paying hooky for the day?"

"_Just take me home,"_ Alex said, At first she carried on walking, _pacing_ even, until she'd passed Gene completely but after her second plea her pace slowed and she stopped, closing her eyes. She stood where she was momentarily, breathing in deeply. The February air sent a shiver through her bones and the dimming light did its best to hide her tears as they fell again. She felt an arm approaching her shoulder and turned around to Gene who stood behind her, concerned and anxious, despite his attempts not to show it. He wanted to ask her what was happening but at the same time he didn't want to push her so he held back waiting until she was ready. Finally, with a breathy voice she whispered; "_I've lost my daughter, again."_

Gene stared at her, as confused as he'd ever been. His thoughts immediately turned to _their_ baby, the one left behind in a world Alex had departed more than a year ago, but he knew she would have said '_our_ daughter' so that only left one other option and that made less sense than Shoebury's decision to invest in a pair of nipple piercings. He stared at her, expecting her to say she was joking or that she'd meant it less than literally but as the tears continued to fall, one after another, the truth began to slowly dawn over him.

"Bloody Norah," he breathed, his whole expression changing with the realisation. He turned to the outhouse. No one had returned after Alex and Kim. Kay had entered but there was no sign of her now. "Fruitloop was –"

"Molly," Alex looked Gene in the eye, her lips torn between a smile and wobbling uncontrollably into misery. "Kay was Molly. _My baby_. She came here, to our _world_, Gene. _My_ world." Gene's hands against her arms offered her some comfort and warmth. "I didn't _recognise_ her… how didn't I _know?"_

"People are chameleons, Bolly," Gene told her, "they can blend in. _Or_ stand out. But they can change. And they do," he ran his fingers through her hair, currently reflecting her Posh Spice look. "_Often_," he added.

Alex gave him a little smile.

"Kim said that she couldn't tell me who she was," she whispered, "or she never could have left." She dabbed at her eyes with her sleeve, sniffing a little, "and that wouldn't have been right, Gene. I _do_ know that. I couldn't steal her away from her world –"

"Like I stole you from hers?" Gene asked gruffly, an old worry coming back to haunt him, but Alex shook her head.

"You didn't steal me, Gene," she whispered, "this is my home. But it isn't hers, and I think she knew that, right from the start." She closed her eyes as she whispered, "she was never destined to stay for long. But she was _here_, and I just… I know that she will be again, Gene. I _know_ she will."

As the emotion overtook her and she struggled to keep upright she felt Gene's warm arms wrap themselves around her and pull her head against his chest. She was awash with confusion and struggled to reign her tears in, finally looking up at Gene as his hold on her relaxed.

"Where now then, Bolly?" he asked as softly as he could, considering he was Gene

Alex bit her lip.

"Like I said," she whispered, "take me home. Molly's back in hers," she grasped his arm tightly, "it's time we went back to ours."

~xXx~

Kim followed Robin half-heartedly into uniform where things seemed quiet and subdued. Even though no one was aware of what had occurred with Kay there was a strange atmosphere. The desk Kay had been given already seemed empty, despite her only being there for a few hours. Robin stood in the department, hands against his hips, remembering that the girl was standing right there only an hour or so ago. He was starting to understand what Gene and the others had been going through for years.

"I just need to get a couple of things from my office and then we're going home," He told her.

Kim shook her head.

"I don't need to go home, Rob, I'm fine," she told him but she seemed strangely quiet.

"Blame it on the stress of talking down the git with the knife to Shaz's throat," Robin told her. He could see in her expression that she still felt torn and stepped towards her, a hand against her shoulder. "Look, Kim," he said quietly, "today's been above and beyond. The raid, the suspect going _nutso_ at you in custody, Bateman and his hostage and now this. Even if _you_ don't think you need it, I _do_. I need to take you home." He paused. "Bed?"

Despite herself Kim let one corner of her mouth twitch into a half-smile.

"_Bed,"_ she whispered. For a moment the thought of slipping under the covers and letting the rest of the world fade away filled her with the kind of peace and happiness that she needed to overcome a little of the stress and the emotion of the day. She realised she still had something to do first. "Alright," she said, "but give me ten minutes, OK?"

"Sure," Robin let his fingers entwine through Kim's momentarily, "I'll get what I need to and meet you here in a few minutes."

"OK," Kim said with a slightly wobbly smile.

She left the canine division and walked slowly and sombrely up to her office. The day had been full of high emotion, fear, confusion and nostalgia and she felt thoroughly exhausted. She couldn't even imagine how Alex must be feeling.

Grabbing a sheet of paper from her drawer, she scrawled out a note then marched brusquely from the building into the car park outside. She unlocked her car, climbed into the driver's seat and closed the door. She closed her eyes and thought momentarily about the night it arrived, back in the real world, fresh from 1997, almost crackling with energy from the journey it had been through. She ran her fingers along the edge of the steering wheel, feeling choked up quite suddenly. She didn't have the emotional attachment to the car that Gene seemed to but it had been her ally, her only friend on her journey back. It had waited for her in the car park of Fenchurch West when she was all alone and in need of comfort and security. But a bet was a bet and after the truth about Kay had been so much more complicated and emotional than either she or Gene had suspected it wouldn't have been right to keep it. Besides, it clearly meant more to Gene than it did to her.

Noting that Gene's space was empty she started the engine of the Fiat one last time and pulled out of her own spot, turned and drove carefully into his. She stopped the car, took the key out of the ignition and took a deep breath, then opened the door and stepped out of the car. She slid the note beneath one of the windscreen wipers, made sure the door was locked and then set off back inside.

One quick detour to CID later, with Gene's office door opening at her presence, she left the keys on Gene's desk in plain sight and nodded to herself.

"_There you go, Guv,"_ she mumbled, _"have the love of your life back." She_ gave a sad sigh. "_Sorry I couldn't get rid of the stain."_

She left the office and made her way down to the Canine Division to meet Robin, barely raising her head along the way. The day had been a little too much for everyone.

"_Hey you,"_ he greeted her softly, already waiting. Kim's smile was tired and distant.

"Hey," she said quietly, "let's get going, Rob And you're driving." She looked him in the eye as she laid a hand against his arm. "I'm going to need a lift home."


	14. Chapter 13: Save Tonight

**Chapter 13**

"I'm worried about you."

Alex glanced at Gene, knowing full well those were not words he found easy to say.

"I know," she said quietly, "Sorry."

She stared at her hands as Gene pulled up at the traffic lights with a sigh. They'd been stopped at every light on the way back to the station.

"Anyone would think the bloody traffic didn't want us to get home," he mumbled. He took the opportunity to study Alex. Her skin seemed six shades lighter than usual, almost pure white and her face seemed drawn as the shock told on her. She was shaking just a little and Gene couldn't blame her. The day had been one long rollercoaster. "Regrets?" he asked her and she turned to him with a look of confusion on her face.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

Gene shrugged a little as he stared straight ahead, waiting for the traffic to get a move on.

"Regretting anything," he said, "leaving your girl behind?" he waited for her to respond, "not knowing Fruitloop was your flesh and blood until it was too late?" he paused, "finding out at all?"

Alex looked at him, a sad smile on her lips.

"No, no and no," she said quietly. She felt like she was expected to give a different answer but she knew that things could never have been any different. "Gene, when I woke up in two thousand and eleven I couldn't have felt more adrift. You know I miss my Molly every day but it wasn't my home any more. I've been here with you for more than sixteen years. I had to come back and we both knew there was only one way to make that happen. And there's a part of me that desperately wishes I'd known sooner but if I had…" she closed her eyes, "Kim was right. Molly might never have been able to go home. And that would have been wrong. She has her own life there now." She swallowed as the light finally changed and Gene began to drive, "and as for not finding out…" she shook her head, "I'm glad I did, Gene. I'd have always wondered otherwise, but I know that she's OK. I know she survived everything life has thrown at her. She'd tough."

"Sounds like it's in the genes," Gene commented and Alex gave another tiny smile.

"It might take me a little while to get back to myself again, Gene," she told him seriously, ""I won't pretend otherwise. This changes so much for me. But it doesn't change the fact that I made my decision and it was the right one, for _all_ of us." she swallowed, determined not to allow another batch of tears start falling. "But," she whispered, "you are right that I miss her terribly and that I wish there had been a way to have everything. If there was a way to have you and Molly in the same world I would do it in a flash but not at the expense of my daughter's own happiness." She blinked a few times, "Molly – _Kay Alexandra_ has her whole life ahead if her," she looked on, determinedly, "and one day I _will_ see her again, Gene," she said forcefully, before adding softly, "just not today." She frowned as she realised Gene was veering off-course . "Wait, where are we going? This isn't the way home."

"Need to pick something up from my office for tonight," Gene told her and Alex sighed in frustration.

"Can't you just leave the paperwork for a night?" she asked.

"Who said anything about paperwork?" Gene asked, "there's a bloody big vat of scotch in me drawer that I think could do you the world of good." Finally he saw a genuine smile flicker over her lips. He knew that, despite her brave words, the shockwaves of Molly's all too brief arrival would leave her tearful and emotional for some time to come, but as they arrived at the station and pulled into the car park it was _Gene_ who was about to experience a flood of emotions, which began with rage as he declared that;

"Some brainless _arse_head has had the nerve to park their car sunny-side up in my _spot!"_

A moment later he changed his tune.

"Gene," Alex frowned, "is that –"

Gene swallowed, pulling up beside it.

"_Strike a light,"_ he mumbled. As soon as the car stopped he pushed the door open and stumbled out in a hurry, jogging a couple of paces to reach it. _The Fiat._ There it was, in all its shiny yellow glory, right back where it had disappeared from more than a year and a half earlier. On the windscreen sat a note, tucked under the wiper. He pulled it out, unfolded it and shielded it from the breeze to read it.

"_I might have been the first to find out but I don't feel like a winner. Here's your car back, Guv. KS."_ below it as an afterthought she had scrawled a PS; _"if you ever want to sell that Aston Martin, let's talk wheels."_

Staring at the note, Gene walked slowly back to the car as Alex wound down the window and he leaned in.

"You need to sort out your bit of skirt, Bolly," he told her gruffly, "she's making me do 'guilt' and that's not normal."

Despite everything that had happened that day Alex felt her lips breaking into a slightly smug smile.

"Kim's good at that," she told him.

"Don't I bloody know it?" Gene said grumpily. He hesitated, tapping his fingers on the bonnet.

"So," Alex began, "what are you going to do?" She watched as Gene looked away, trying to decide. He looked everywhere except at Alex and the car. Finally he folded his arms.

"I'm going to look for answers at the bottom of the bottle," he said and set off to pursue the scotch tucked away in his drawer.

~xXx~

Kim was grateful for the feeling of Robin's arms around her as they lay together in bed. Around them sat all manner of comforts; scotch and brandy, a couple of hot coffees and the remains of a pizza. Food, bed and each other's arms were their usual vices these days. As long as they were together they could face just about anything.

"I feel so stupid, I had no idea," Robin sighed as he rested his cheek against Kim's hair.

"Rob, _none_ of us did," she told him reassuringly.

"_You_ did."

"Only when I saw her tattoo."

"I was her superior officer," Robin sighed, "I spent more time with her than _anyone_ else. I even had her file. But I still had no idea."

"Kay didn't want _anyone_ to know who she was. Who she _used_ to be." she sighed deeply, "and I remember that. Back when I went home from ninety six and I tried so hard to stay hidden… it was like being on a mission, Rob. You'll do anything to make sure no one suspects who you were before. After a while it's a habit and you can't open up even if you want to."

"But she didn't even _want_ to," Robin said sadly.

"She _couldn't_, Rob, there's a difference," Kim said quietly.

They fell silent, both thinking about the young girl they'd known back in the real world and comparing those memories to the mature young lady they'd met in recent days.

"I remember when Molly caught me buying you a pregnancy test," Robin said quietly, "wound me up about it like nothing on earth." He bit his lip. "Of course, no one knew about _us_ back then. She must have thought I'd gone nuts."

"It wasn't so very long after that _I_ almost made you take a bloody test for real, "Kim pointed out, remembering Robin's sympathetic pregnancy. They both fell silent until Robin spoke again.

"I remember the first time she confronted me about Gene's world," he said quietly, "after Alex went back into a coma. She asked me flat out who Gene was, where her mum was... I didn't know what to say."

"I remember the night Alex told her the truth," Kim whispered, "and then I tried to explain about Keats," the memory stung Kim inside. "Showed her that bloody _Dispatches_."

"Now she understands more than she ever did before," Robin said quietly. They fell silent again, contemplating that thought, interrupted only by a sudden noisy blast of a car horn that they both ignored. Robin pulled the duvet up around their shoulders, a little higher than before. "Do you think she'll come back again?"

"Alex thinks so," Kim told him quietly, "and I think she might be right." She sighed. "Maybe it's in the blood, Rob. Look at the family ties. Simon and the Guv, Alex and Molly…"

There was a very telling silence. Both knew there was an unspoken connection. It was the white elephant in the room and finally Robin forced himself to say it.

_"Me and Keats,"_ he whispered. He felt Kim's hand tighten around his own.

"Yeah," she said quietly, "that too."

"What about you?" Robin asked, trying to ignore another blast on the car horn.

"What _about_ me?" Kim frowned.

"You're the odd one out," Robin teased her, "you _have_ to be bloody difficult, don't you?"

"_Hey!"_ Kim finally raised a smile as he poked her, "I can't help that!"

"Maybe your brother will fancy a change of career," Robin joked.

"I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, least of all family," Kim mocked, "you think you're signing up to keep the streets clean, instead you're signing up to fill Gene's gut with lattes all day long." A third, very insistent beep sounded and this time Kim sat bolt upright. "Oh what the bloody hell is going _on_ out there?"

"Just some idiot showing off," Robin assumed.

"Well I'm going to tell them off," Kim told him decisively.

"Just come back to bed," Robin told her

"Not until they stop honking and start apologising," Kin said, pushing up her sleeves and stomping to the window but she stopped dead in her tracks as a flash of yellow paintwork caught her eye with an extremely glamorous Alex standing beside it, leaning in to press the horn again. Kim opened the window, bemused, and Alex gave a sigh of relief.

_"Finally!"_ she said, a little annoyed.

_"Ma'am?!"_ Kim blinked a few times, unsure whether she was hallucinating or not, "what are you doing here?"

"Bringing your car back," Alex called up to her.

"I gave it back to Gene," Kim called down.

"You won the bet, Kim."

"But when I found out who she was the bet didn't seem appropriate any more," Kim closed her eyes momentarily, "it means more to him than it does to me, Ma'am. Really. It's fine."

"That's a shame," Alex called up, "because those reservations are going to go to waste."

Kim hesitated.

"What reservations?" she asked.

"The ones I forced Gene to make," Alex smiled, "your prize, remember?" she paused. "For winning the bet." She raised her eyebrow. "I hope you like Italian."

"I…" Kim had no idea what to say. She couldn't quite comprehend what was going on and missed the point entirely. "I… we had a pizza about an hour ago…"

"Then I'll give you an hour to work up an appetite and to get your glad rags on," Alex smiled. She looked worn and weary from the event of the day but she wasn't going to take no for an answer. "Come on, Kim," she said seriously, "if you hadn't figured out who Kay really was then we might have never known. You've given me peace of mind for the one thing I always wanted." She watched Kim looking even more confused. "_Molly's thriving."_

A wobbly smile appeared on Kim's face as a curious Robin joined her at the window.

"It was just luck that I saw her tattoo," she explained but Alex shook her head.

"Most people wouldn't have thought anything of it," she said, "but you knew what it meant, and that's given me something to hold on to." She began to climb back in the car. "_One hour. Back here._ No arguments."

Kim felt herself grinning stupidly as Alex climbed back in the Fiat and drove away temporarily.

"Did… Alex… just ask you out on a _date?"_ Robin asked, somewhat bewildered.

"That was the most… persuasive date I've ever been offered," Kim said in a state of shock. She closed the window before the cold air could turn the room chilly and stared at Robin. "What just happened?"

"I don't know, but if I were you I'd start getting ready," Robin prompted, "you don't want to keep Alex waiting." He nodded toward the door. "Go on, Kim," he said, a little more softly, "after today I can't think of anyone who deserves a night out more than you do."

Kim hesitated.

"What about bed?" she asked.

"Bed will be waiting when you return," he promised her.

Kim hesitated for a moment but the smile was spreading across her face. It was impossible _not_ to grin.

"Alright," she said, "I'd better get ready then."

She supposed Robin was right, and Alex needed the night out every bit as much as _she_ did. She supposed they had a lot to talk about. And, just maybe, it would teach Gene never to make bets with Kim Stringer.

_**~xXx~**_

_**A/N: I feel like I should say something here… we're on the home straight with this fic, as well as my crossover. The update schedule for the rest of the week is chapters on here tomorrow and Thursday, and the last chapter of my crossover on Wednesday, and then the epilogues for both on Friday. Saturday begins a new fic which starts a year-long story arc. I want to warn you now that this will include disturbing, adult themes. Nothing that A2A and LOM didn't cover, and nothing that hasn't featured in various forms in my fic series before but it still needs noting. The next fic will be updated for the most part in real-time so there will be several days where there will be two chapters uploaded, including on Saturday.**_

_**Your support means more to me than ever, thank you guys x x**_


	15. Chapter 14: Life

**Chapter 14**

"_Wow."_

Kim glanced around at Robin as he sat on the bed, watching her spray the sides of her hair into a fantastic collection of spikes. She smiled at the look on his face.

"I don't know why you're '_wow_'ing," she said, "you're more interested in _wearing_ my makeup than seeing me in it."

"True," Robin commented, having stolen at least two eyeliners from her in the last three months. Well, Kim wore make up once in a blue moon, _he_ needed them more than _she_ did. "But still, _wow_," he noted that she gave an awkward, self-conscious smile. _Good_. That was rare to see. Normally Kim felt so negatively about her appearance that compliments were met with a sarcastic response, but this time she seemed to accept it. "You look amazing, Kim. And so different." She flashed him another shy but genuinely happy smile as she grabbed his black shirt and pulled it over her slightly shimmery top. "Ahhh, now _that's_ the Kim I know!" he stood up and stepped closer, rolling up her sleeves for her, just a little gesture of encouragement but it made her smile even more. "Alex is a lucky girl."

"_Pfffft,"_ Kim blew a raspberry, "you're only saying that because you want to get rid of me for the night to watch Red Dwarf videos with Simon," she teased.

~xXx~

Alex sounded the horn and waited for Kim to appear. She watched the window at first but when there was no sign of her she turned her attention to the front door and sure enough a moment later Kim emerged. She was trying hard to look demure and sophisticated but it just wasn't happening; between the clunky boots and the big grin that she was trying to play down she was Kim through and through, and Alex wouldn't have had it any other way.

"Well well, doesn't Kim Stringer scrub up well?" Alex teased and Kim turned a bright shade of pink.

"You mean less crappy than usual," Kim commented.

"You couldn't be more wrong," Alex smiled.

Kim didn't know what to say to that so she just looked away and tried not to show that Alex's comment made her feel like she was walking on air.

"You look amazing," she blurted, "not that you don't always but," she skipped around the car and opened the passenger door, "_extra_ amazing."

Alex tried not to laugh.

"Kim, you can relax you know," she said, "it's just me."

There was no 'just' about it for Kim. Alex was just about everything to her; friend, hero, inspiration and a never-ending crush that seemed to spill over into something a bit more now and then. Kim hated to admit that she still felt as nervous sometimes around Alex now as she did when she was an angry, immature young DS.

"Sorry," she said, her smile anxious, "today's just been full of the unexpected."

"Well, isn't that the truth," Alex's smile wavered slightly as she slipped into the car and took her seat. She closed the door and turned to Kim. "I'll drive – but at the end of the night it's all yours."

"But won't the guv –"

"Kim, you won the bet," Alex laughed softly, "the car was always yours. And besides," she indicated the interior, "this _car_ has followed you around more than _Keats_."

"It does seem to like me," Kim agreed quietly as Alex started the engine and began to drive away. She leaned back and tried to relax as they passed down darkened streets, but there was a buzz in her veins that made her feel excited and elated. She could feel her body tingling at the thought of spending the evening with Alex. It felt a bit like winning a date with her favourite celebrity.

But both of them knew that there were more serious matters to talk about too. Alex had been driving for a couple of minutes before she broached them.

"So," she began quietly, "Kim," she glanced to her side, "is there… anything else that you need to tell me?" she paused awkwardly, "anything I might need to know?" she paused again, "about my daughter?"

Kim looked at her. Alex's expression was more sombre now.

"Ma'am" she said quietly, "I barely got to talk to her myself. But the main thing," she took a deep breath, trying not to let another round of tears start. _This_ was why she never wore make up. "The main thing _is_," she started again, "that she is happy. She has to be, because she had reasons to get home. Stronger reasons to get back than to stay with her mother. So maybe she's in love, or maybe she has a family, I don't know. But she loves her life." She paused as she watched Alex's lip wobbling. "She loves her life as Kay," she whispered, "but it doesn't matter how long ago she changed her name, she'll always be your daughter." She could see Alex let a tear escape but there was a smile still on her face. "The only thing she wanted to know was whether we were happy here," she continued, "she asked me, but she's already seen it with her own eyes. You and the Guv. She knows he makes you happy and he'll look after you."

Alex nodded slowly and swallowed.

"I'm glad she got to see that," she whispered, "but I hope she doesn't think that means I don't love her too."

"She could never think that," Kim reassured her, "but this was her journey, Ma'am. _You_ went back to find out what happened to your parents. Well…" she paused, "for Molly it was a similar reason, but while _you_ wanted to know why yours died… Molly needed to know if you made the right choice. What happened next."

Alex wiped her eye quickly, trying not to lose her concentration.

"I don't think she hit it off with Gene, from what he told me," she tod Kim as she stopped at a red light, "I think she rather antagonised him."

Kim giggled.

"Oh Ma'am, would you have to any other way?" she asked, "she can join the club!" she giggled again as Alex smiled. "All the best people antagonise the Guv. Right?"

Alex had to nod.

"Right," she agreed with a smile.

"She was a chip off the old block," Kim pointed out, "N-Not that you're old…"

Alex shook her head with a smile.

"Didn't I tell you to relax?" she teased and Kim looked embarrassed.

"Sorry," she smiled. There was a brief silence as the lights changed an Alex began driving again but it wasn't stilted or uncomfortable in the slightest. It was the kind of silence that could only happen between two people who knew each other so well. Finally Alex asked,

"Is there anything else I need to know, Kim? Anything at all?"

Kim hesitated. She knew that Kay had been through a number of difficult years and that Evan's book had caused untold damage, to _all_ of them, but they weren't things Alex needed to know.

"Just," she whispered, "that she was proud to follow in your footsteps." She paused as she watched Alex smiling softly. "And she loves you."

"Did she say that?" Alex asked.

Kim couldn't actually remember. Their talk had gone by in a blur. But it wasn't something Kay needed to spell out.

"It was all over her face," Kim whispered, "she couldn't have been any more proud to be your daughter."

She watched as Alex smiled to herself, looking down, taking in those words. For so long she had been worried about whatever had occurred after she'd passed away. Now she knew that her daughter had been just fine. She hesitated before she asked Kim one last thing.

"Did she mention," she whispered, "_the baby?"_ She noticed that Kim's expression grew sad and her eyes focused on the ground.

"No," she whispered, "I should have asked… but I wasn't sure I could face that."

It was a strange circumstance in that both Alex and Kim felt as though they'd lost the same child. Kim and Robin had been set to adopt until Robin's death. Although Kim's loss hadn't been as strong as the one Alex felt she had her own unique bond with the baby. Alex nodded slowly. She could understand why Kim had avoided the subject.

Silence descended for a moment until Kim turned to Alex again.

"Ma'am?" she began.

"Yes?"

"Kay said something strange," Kim bit her lip, "I didn't think much of it at the time… it wasn't what she said, but the way she said it."

"You sound like an old _Orange_ advert," said Alex. She glanced at Kim. "What did she say?"

"She asked if Rob and me had any children yet," Kim told her.

"That doesn't seem all that strange," said Alex, "she knew how much you both wanted to start a family."

"But it was the _way_ she said it," Kim insisted, "_'yet'_… you don't ask that. You say, _'have you got any children'_ but you can't assume a 'yet'. She knew I'd had a hysterectomy, and even I didn't know this world made me whole again, why would she have assumed it?"

"She probably wasn't thinking, she must have been as emotional as you were," Alex pointed out.

"But then later on," Kim continued, "after she swore me to secrecy she said something else that seemed strange."

Alex pulled up outside of the restaurant.

"What did she say?" she asked.

"I said it was going to be hard to keep it from you," Kim told her, "and it _was_, Ma'am. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Even though you found out almost straight away, I was cut up at the thought of it." She took a deep breath. "Molly… Kay… she said something about repaying me some day." She paused, "but she made it sound like it had already happened, ma'am."

Alex looked at Kim's anxious expression and bit her lip. If what Kim said was true and ten years had passed since either had seen Molly then she had done a lot of living. A little fact buried in Kim's file came back to Alex but she tried to ignore it in case her heart should break.

"Kim," She whispered, "you are thinking _far_ too much. It's been a crazy day. You and I are both feeling emotional. And tomorrow I'm sure I'll have a thousand and one more questions that I've forgotten to ask. But right now, tonight, stop thinking." She smiled a littler sadly. "Let's just raise a glass to Molly. OK?" She looked seriously at Kim as she gave a distant smile.

"OK," she whispered.

"Good," Alex opened the door and flashed a warm smile at Kim. "Then let's go and celebrate," she stepped out of the car and into the cool night air, "the night is young."


	16. Chapter 15: No Regrets

**Chapter 15**

"What do you _mean_ there's no table for us?" Alex slammed her fist on the desk.

"We are booked solid," the maître d' said apologetically.

"We had a reservation!" Alex insisted.

"The last table went half an hour ago," the man apologised, "I'm sorry."

"No, he called earlier," Alex said insistently, "I _made_ him call." She peered at the reservation list. "He called about five o'clock." She paused, "gruff. Northern. Swears a lot."

"Ahh, yes, I remember," the maître d' pointed to the list, "but he booked the reservation in the name of a Mister _Hugh Jass."_

Alex stared. There was a split second while that revelation sank in. Then a moment of absolute fury.

"That's still our reservation," she said insistently, "he's just playing a joke –"

"I can only offer the table to Hugh Jass," the man told her.

"There _is_ no Hugh J_ass!"_ cried Alex as a woman queuing behind them adjusted her skirt.

"_Speak for yourself,"_ she mumbled.

"I'm sorry," the Maître 'D said again and with a grunt of fury Alex stomped away.

"What's going on?" frowned Kim.

_"Bloody Gene Hunt!"_ Alex growled.

Kim looked crestfallen.

"He didn't make the reservations, did he?"

"Oh he made them alright," Kim had rarely seen Alex looking so angry, "but I have to declare myself in possession of an enormous posterior in order to claim it!"

"What?" Kim frowned, bewildered.

"Mister Hugh Jass," Alex hissed, "he's clearly been watching too much Simpsons and getting too many ideas. I'm telling you," she wagged her finger crossly in the air, "I am going to go back home right now and I'm going to kick him square in the _Hugh!"_

"Ma'am, _wait!"_ Kim cried as Alex prepared to leave, "Listen… I can't believe I'm saying this because violence is my middle name… but I don't think you should."

Alex hesitated, breathing heavily, trying to cool her temper.

"Do you want to pierce it instead?" she asked suspiciously.

"Why should we miss out on a night out just because of him?" Kim declared, "this road is lined with restaurants. There are about three or four down this street alone. Let's just find another one." She raised an eyebrow and leaned conspiratorially close to Alex. "The best revenge is to have an amazing night," she hissed.

Alex hesitated. She looked at Kim's face, full of promise and hope, then she nodded slowly.

"Alright," she said, "good point." She held out her arm, and Kim stared at it unsure. "I promised you a date and a date you'll have."

Hesitatingly Kim linked her arm through Alex's.

"Where first, Ma'am?" she asked.

"Wherever," Alex smiled, "I'll teach Gene to meddle in rainbow matters!"

~x~

It took barely 30 seconds to reach another restaurant and despite the farce at their first stop both Kim and Alex were looking forward to finally having their date. Arm in arm they walked, although they had to disengage to get through the door. Once inside, they found a man standing stiffly beside them.

"Excuse me," Alex began, "do you have a table for two free, please?" There was no response. "Hello?" she tried. Still nothing. She waved her hand in front of the man's eyes. No reaction. She tapped him lightly on the forehead.

Suddenly a voice came from behind them,

"Can I help you, Madam?"

Alex turned and found herself face to face with a smartly dressed man, identical to the one she had been addressing.

"Ye-_aarrghhhh!"_ she squealed, glancing from one to the other, "but what... how... _who..."_

The man who had spoken stepped forward, picked up his exact double, held it under his arm and walked away with it.

"Excuse me just one moment," he called back.

"That... that..." Alex shuddered in bewilderment, "I'm sure there must be a... a perfectly logical explanation for this."

The smartly-dressed gentleman returned smiling chirpily.

"Sorry about that, Madam," he said, "the dummy was for display purposes. To challenge the customers. Keep them on their toes."

Alex frowned at him suspiciously, then took a step back.

"Keep us on our toes as we walk speedily to the nearest exit," she said, "goodbye."

She grasped Kim's arm and hustled her out of the restaurant, feeling somewhat perturbed.

"Ma'am?" Kim's voice sounded uncharacteristically quiet and nervous, "you remember when I woke up in the middle of a rave in nineteen ninety five and I didn't know what the fuck was going on?" She swallowed, "that's suddenly become the _second_ strangest thing that's ever happened to me."

They rushed to the next restaurant, a little further down the road. Peering inside, indications were far more positive; there were empty tables and no fake waiters.

"This looks better," Alex commented as they were greeted by a smartly dressed woman.

"Good evening," she smiled.

"Good evening," Alex nodded, "can we have a table for two please?"

The woman seemed to hesitate. She stared looked at Alex, then at Kim, and then gave a slightly nervous smile.

"One moment," she said. She trotted over to the desk and spoke to a colleague who seemed to point to the phone, then a piece of paper which she handed the woman and they nodded together. Finally the woman turned around, biting her lip, took a deep breath and trotted back to them.

"Yes," she said, "we have a free table."

Alex finally began to feel as though maybe the evening would be alright after all.

"Oh good," she smiled.

"I'll just fetch our new waiter to show you to your table," the woman told them, rushing away.

"Wait, why can't _you_ –" Alex trailed off, "Oh _god_." She turned to Kim. "Do you ever get that sinking feeling…?"

"_Geoff!,_" the smartly dressed woman called out, "show these two good people to a nice secluded little table!"

Alex froze.

"No."

Kim felt her heart stop in fear.

"_Stop,"_ she cried.

"It _can't_ be –" Alex began, then shook her head, "No, it is, of _course_ it is – _Gene!"_ Fury filled her expression as she began to realise he had taken heavy precautions to spoil her night.

_Boom. _

_Boom. _

_Boom._

The ground shook as Geoff arrived, one heavy step after another, his chin covered with a scruffy beard that would make Evan cry, his arms smothered with trucking tattoos and his beer belly barely contained beneath a shirt that was clearly a size too small. He stood more than head and shoulders above Alex.

"Don't I know you from somewhere?" he boomed.

"Err... no," squeaked Kim.

"Geoff, could you please show these people to their table?" the smartly dressed woman told him.

Geoff scratched his butt crack.

"With pleasure," he told them. He gave them both a hefty shove towards a nearby table where Kim and Alex were thrust into chairs and pelted with menus.

"I'll be back for your orders in a minute," Geoff told them, "I'm going to put something more romantic on the hifi for you."

Alex cringed and squeezed her eyes closed as he walked away.

"I have a feeling this is our cue to leave," she said as some kind of thrash metal began to play over the sound system.

"Surely this can't _all_ be Gene?" Kim whimpered. The food had smelt glorious and her mouth was watering.

"Would you _really_ put it past him?" Alex shook her head as they hurried out of the door, "it wouldn't be the first time he's arranged for Geoff to contribute misery to someone's life."

"Who the hell _is_ Geoff anyway?" kim asked.

"Someone you don't want serving your soup," Alex said as she glanced back.

The evening was getting on and the air increasingly cold. Kim rubbed her hands against her arms and shivered as she stepped a little closer to Alex who also seemed to be suffering from the shivers.

"We're running out of restaurants," Kim complained. She froze up in embarrassment as she felt her stomach rumbling, desperately hoping that the breeze had masked the noise. "Shit, I really wish I hadn't worked up an appetite now."

"There's one more to try over the road," Alex pointed out, "come on."

They hurried across when the traffic stopped and quickly rushed inside. A nice, normal waiter found them a table and handed them their menus with grace and a smile.

"Well," Alex raised her eyebrow, "so far so good."

"Maybe the night isn't going to be that bad after all," Kim added with a smile, but the moment she took a proper look at the menu she began to change her mind "Oh _no."_

"What?" Alex asked.

Kim gulped as she pointed to the cartoon fish illustration surrounded by dancing prawns.

"It's," she looked up, embarrassed, "it's a seafood restaurant," she said, "Ma'am, I-I haven't been able to bear eating fish… not since…" she gulped as Alex turned pale.

"_The fishy biscuits,"_ she whispered and Kim nodded. "_Shit_," Alex gulped, "me neither."

"I'm sorry," Kim said anxiously, "it's just every time I smell fish or any kind of seafood I can just… _taste_ them…" she pulled a face, "little biscuits of fishy doom."

"There has to be _something_ on this menu without fish," Alex said diplomatically but when they looked there was very little choice. "There's the salad sub," she said, "and the green salad."

Kim tried to smile but her eyes couldn't hide her distress.

"I'm not really much of a salady person," she said apologetically.

"Seafood pizza?" Alex asked and Kim laughed.

"Even the pizza part wouldn't be a patch on Rob's," she said.

Alex gave a sigh. Their evening had been a washout.

"Do you want to leave, Kim?" she asked, a note of sadness in her voice.

Kim hesitated. She didn't _want_ to leave. She wanted to spend the night in Alex's company. The fact that she had to force down a bit of wimpy lettuce was a small price to pay.

"That's alright," she said, "we'll eat here. I'll get the salad sub," she pulled a face, "and take out the salad part."

"Are you ready to order?"

The two women looked up as a waiter arrived.

"Well…" Alex began a little hesitantly, then spurred on by the hopeful look on Kim's face she relaxed a little. "We'll have a bottle of house red and two salad subs, please."

The man pulled out his notebook and began scribbling away.

"_Two... clams..."_ he muttered.

Alex gave a nervous and incredulous laugh.

"No. Two salad subs."

"Without the clams?"

Alex froze.

"That would have been implied when we asked for salad subs," she said.

The waiter eyed them back.

"_No fish?"_

"No fish."

"So... you just want... salad subs?"

"Yes," sighed Kim.

"...With _fish_ in them?"

"NO! _Without_ fish!" cried Kim. The whole restaurant ground to a halt as everyone turned to stare at her. She blushed and said quietly, "no bloody fish."

"But this is a _seafood_ restaurant!"

"That doesn't mean it's the _law_," Kim growled crossly.

The waiter scowled.

"We'll soon see about _that,"_ he snapped and stormed off into the kitchens.

Kim put her head in her hands.

"I can't _believe_ this," she whispered.

"I _am_ going to kill Gene for this," Alex said crossly.

"He can't have called _all_ the restaurants!"

"_Fi-i-i-i-ish..." _sang a deep male voice beside their table and Alex froze.

"Oh I think you'll find he could."

"_Fi-i-i-i-i-ish..."_ added a slightly higher voice.

"_Fi-i-i-i-i-i-ish..."_ sang a third, even higher voice.

"_Fi-i-i-i-i-i-i-ish..."_ a fourth, higher voice joined them. The barbershop quartet was a stroke of genius, even for Gene and his skills of antagonism.

"I _am_, I'm going to bloody _kill_ him!" Alex cried.

"Not if I get there first," Kim's patience ran out.

"_Bom bom bom bom, bom bom bom bom..."_

"_F-i-i-i-i-ish..."_

"_Bom bom bom bom,"_

"_...Is my favourite di-i-i-i-ish..."_

"_Bom bom bom bom..."_

"_I like to eat it in the morning..."_

"_Bom bom..."_

"_...eat it in the evening..."_

"_Bom bom..."_

"_It is my every wi-i-i-i-ish..."_

"_Bom bom bom BOM..."_

"OK," hissed Kim, reaching for her wallet, "how much do you want to stop singing and go away?"

"_Bom bom bom bom..."_ continued the men.

"I don't think they're going to go away unless we order fish," Alex hissed.

"_Bom bom bom bom..."_

"Forget killing him, I'm going to pierce his arse so many times you could do a dot to _dot_ puzzle on it!" Kim cried.

"_Bom bom bom bom..."_

"We _really love_ your singing," Alex lied, "but we were trying to have a private conversation here..."

"_Bom bom bom bom..."_

"_Let's talk about fi-i-i-i-ish..."_

"_Bom bom bom bom..."_

"_Talk about my seafood wi-i-i-i-ish..."_

"_Bom bom bom bom..."_

"_It makes great conversation..."_

"_Bom bom..."_

"_We wait in anticipation..."_

"_Bom bom..."_

"_...for our fi-i-i-i-ish..."_

"_Bom bom bom BOM..._

"That's it!" cried Alex, "I give up!"

As the gathered singers produced a big seafood platter seemingly from nowhere and held it out to her Alex scrambled to her feet and pulled Kim out of her chair. She stomped from the restaurant and out into the cold evening air.

"The _nerve_ of him!" she cried, "if you can't take the heat, don't make the bet… in the kitchen…" Alex frowned, "I'm so hungry I can't even get my sayings straight."

They returned to the car and climbed inside, out of restaurants and out of patience.

"I can't believe the lengths he's gone to," Kim shook her head, although in a way she would have expected nothing less.

Alex looked at her sadly.

"I'm so sorry, Kim,." She shook her head, "he must have pulled in every favour…"

"It's fine, it's fine," Kim tried to shake her head but Alex could see the disappointment on her face. Her stomach started rumbling again and Alex tried hard not to laugh at Kim's typically mortified overreaction.

"Don't worry about it, mine's doing the same," she sighed, "I'm so sorry, Kim. I promised you a night of good food and you've had nothing."

"It wasn't the food I was interested in," Kim admitted, "not really." She sighed sadly. "It was the company. I just…" she closed her eyes and looked down. "I was so looking forward to spending the evening with you." She shrugged, "it wouldn't have mattered where we went or what we ate."

Alex looked at Kim's sad face and nodded slowly. She was used to dates meaning dressing up, fancy restaurants and fine wines, but that was only ever part of the story, and to some people that part didn't matter at all. Kim was right.

"Sod it then," she said, starting the car and quickly driving away.

"Wh-where are we going?" Kim frowned, Alex's driving approaching the speed of Gene's.

"We're going to have that date," Alex told her, "somewhere Gene can't stop us."

"Not the canteen?" Kim looked terrified, "I know I said the food didn't matter but –"

"Not the canteen, don't worry," Alex smiled, "but you're right. It's the company, not the food. And that's something Gene can't spoil."

Kim looked at Alex curiously.

"Then where?" she frowned.

~xXx~

"Ma'am, no, _stop_ it, you're getting ketchup everywhere!"

"I was only trying to help!"

"You _weren't!_ You squeezed that sachet in my direction with extreme prejudice!"

"You seemed to be –"

"If you make that '_getting in a pickle'_ joke again I might have to shove a fry down your neck!"

Alex laughed and leaned back as she watched Kim wiping the rest of the ketchup from the side of her face. The neon lights of Piccadilly Circus outside and the hustle of the evening's trade made for a busy atmosphere and certainly not one where Alex had ever anticipated spending a night but Burger King was only part of the story. It was the woman she was with, rather than the burger and fries on the table, that made it special for her.

"A toast," she said, raising her large coke cup, rattling with ice, "to us, and our ingenuity, no matter how many favours one Gene Hunt calls in."

Kim grinned and held out her cup.

"To us," she agreed, "and the best date ever."

"I still think we should have gone to McDonalds for the Fillet O'Fish," Alex teased and despite the three fries Kim threw in her direction she had to admit that it was one of the best dates she'd ever had. _Nine and a half out of ten._

~xXx~

"Well that was an experience."

Kim smiled at Alex as they stood outside of Alex's front door.

"I never thought I'd see the day Alex Drake ordered a Whopper," she giggled.

"Well, _Gene_ will probably be telling me a few whoppers himself when I ask him about the strange nature of the restaurants shortly," Alex commented.

"Are you _sure_ you don't want me to pierce his arse?" Kim asked and Alex smiled.

"That's OK," she said, "I think he'll be more sore from the idea that we had a great night than from anything you could shove in his _Hugh Jass."_

Kim giggled again. She didn't giggle very often and when she did it set off a joy in her eyes that was infectious. It made Alex smile.

"Here," she held out the car key, "it's all yours."

"At least you say 'it' and not 'she'," she commented.

Silence fell as they stood staring at one another, Kim shuffling a little awkwardly.

"Well?" Alex asked eventually, "Is that it?"

Kim wasn't sure what she meant.

"Pardon?"

"Are you not even going for _upstairs, inside?_" she had to laugh at Kim's look of confusion. "Sorry," she said, "it's a Gene thing."

Kim gave her a nervous smile.

"Oh," she said.

"You were right," Alex told her, "having a great night really _was_ the best revenge." A devilish grin grew across her face. "Do you think we should show _Gene_ what a great night we had?"

Kim looked at her questioningly and felt butterflies in her tummy from the expression on Alex's face as she leaned into the car and gave a long, loud honk of the horn, just enough to bring an annoyed Gene scuttling to the curtain in time to see Alex lean forward to plant an unexpected Kiss on Kim's lips. Kim felt her legs turn to jelly and her heart damn near burst right out of her chest as she swooned happily, staggering backwards and leaning against the car to keep on her feet.

"Th-_thank_ you, Ma'am," she breathed as Alex waved innocently at Gene, then turned back to Kim.

"Next time, upstairs, inside," she said, raising her eyebrow with a smile as Kim coughed slightly.

"Next time?" she tried not to grin.

"You can make the reservations," Alex smiled, "and we won't tell Gene."

"_Won't. Tell. Gene. What?" _

The front door opened and a less than happy Gene stood there, hands on hips.

"How much I love your Hugh Jass," Alex smiled sweetly as she stepped inside, slapped him on the backside and tried to wave goodbye to Kim whose giggles started again as Gene shook his fist at her and slammed the door.

"Good night, was it?" he growled through gritted teeth.

"Oh, I'd say so," Alex smiled cheekily strolling around the room, taking off her shoes and jacket, "Good company, musical entertainment and wonderful comedy," she raised an eyebrow, "you wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"

"Course not," Gene growled, "Not like I just wasted all the favours I've ever been owed in one night."

"Perhaps you'll learn your lesson about getting into bets with Kim." She told him.

"I bloody have and all," Gene scowled, "lesson learned." he paused, "next time I'll make sure _you_ never bloody find out." He paused as Alex slipped her finger through the material of his shirt. "What? He demanded, a familiar twinkle in Alex's eye, "Sapphic delights not enough for one night?"

"I think I'm ready for my main course now," Alex said cheekily, "but there's one condition."

Gene watched her walk slowly to the doorway.

"What's that?"

"You keep your _Hugh Jass_ under the covers," Alex grinned.

Gene hesitated.

"Deal," he said.

**The End**

**~xXx~**

_**A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who has followed this story and all of my fics – it means a lot to me that you're still enjoying them. Tomorrow I'm posting epilogues for both this fic and my crossover and on the epilogue for this story I have a special announcement to make – by popular demand (OK three people :P and me, but I don't count) This series of fics finally has a name! It shall be announced tomorrow!**_


	17. Epilogue: The Sweetest Thing

**Epilogue**

Alex smirked a little as she walked through CID, overhearing Marci hot on the gossip trail.

"…And I heard they got thrown out of Burger King for starting a massive food fight," she hissed to Jake, not realising the subject of her gossip was directly behind her.

"All true," she smiled as she leaned in and made Marci jump a mile.

"Ma'am," she breathed, "I'm sorry… I… I didn't mean you…"

"How many other Burger King food fights occurred last night then?" Alex asked, strangely proud of the achievement. She smiled as she carried on through the office, finally arriving at Gene's door where she knocked politely before she opened it a crack. "Am I forgiven yet?" she asked him as he turned around.

"Last night went _some_ way towards it," he drummed his fingers on the desk, "anything else you want to add to support yer case?"

"How about this?" Alex placed a large latte on his desk and Gene studied it before nodding approvingly.

"Forgiven," he said.

"Good," Alex sat on the edge of his desk, "now it's _your_ turn to start earning my forgiveness for putting me through that bloody _Fish_ song."

"I thought I'd hire them for the Christmas party," Gene commented and Alex's glare could well have struck him dead in an instant.

"Maybe you should just quit while you're ahead," she said.

Gene looked at her a little more seriously.

"Dare I ask how you're doing?" he asked and Alex's expression grew heavier.

"Going to be in and out of interviews all day," she sighed, "and the Super needs a full report about –"

"Not what I meant."

Alex looked down.

"I know," she drew in a deep breath, "I know, Gene. I'm trying not to think about the other part." She swallowed as she tried to fight the images of Kay in her mind, the features finally slotting into place, the hug of excitement and her last words_; "I knew you would do it, mum."_ She shuddered as she tried not to dwell on that. Her daughter knew she was happy, and she knew her daughter was thriving. Those facts would offer comfort for a very long time to come.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she jumped when a knock sounded and she turned to see Robin at the door.

"Alex," he began cautiously, "I'm sorry to disturb you, I tried your office…"

"No, that's OK," Alex said quietly, "what's the matter?"

Robin hesitated, unsure whether he should carry on but he knew he didn't have much of a choice.

"I was clearing out Kay's desk," he said quietly, "…_Molly's_… Not like there was much in there, but," he swallowed as he pulled an envelope from his pocket. "There was this," he handed it to her shakily, "_for you."_

Alex stared at the envelope for a full five seconds before she reached towards it.

"_Molly,"_ she whispered.

Robin looked a little unsure. Had he done the right thing? He wasn't sure, but he knew he couldn't keep it from her, even though he knew it might hurt.

"I've got to get back," he said quietly, "it's bath day and so far the dogs have eaten eight bars of soap and someone's arm." He looked at Alex. "You know where I am if you need to talk, right?"

"Thank you, Robin," Alex said with a little smile.

"And Kim's just down the hall," Robin reminded her.

_"Oi,"_ Gene scowled, "am I persona non grata?" he folded his arms, "if me other half needs a shoulder to cry on it's going to be mine, he paused, "_I've_ got the scotch."

Alex swallowed, trying to keep her composure.

"Thank you, Robin," she said raising the envelope, "thank you for this. I appreciate you telling me."

Robin nodded slowly.

"See you later," he said and left the office.

Gene stared at Alex, her face torn between so many emotions.

"Bols?" he said. That was all he needed to say. She knew what he was asking without him needing to say another word.

"I'm fine, Gene," she sniffed, wiping her eye just in case a tear had escaped, "Or I _will_ be," she tried to smile but it was strained. "I'll just, um," she swallowed and held the envelope up again but she was out of words so she slowly turned around and walked out of the room, the paper feeling like fire against her fingertips.

She trembled as she walked to her office, closed the door behind her and rushed to her seat. She stared at the unopened paper; a message from the other side of the line. _Shit_, that must be how Robin had felt when he received Simon's letter. No wonder he'd been worried about how she would react.

_"I can do this,"_ she told herself, "I _can._ I can read this letter and I'm _not going to cry."_

She closed her eyes, breathed in deeply and immediately ignored the '_not going to cry'_ part of her declaration. Sliding a fingernail beneath the flap of the envelope, she slowly prised it open and took a folded sheet of paper from inside. This was the strangest moment she had ever known but there was no turning back. She gave herself a countdown. _3… 2… 1…_

Then her eyes returned to the paper.

She didn't stop crying for days

~xXx~

"…_She's coming back to us."_

"…_Let me through..."_

"…_Mister White, when she awakens if she asks you to leave we are obliged to make sure her wishes are fulfilled…._

"…_Kay? Can you hear me Kay?"_

_"… Come on, Kay, open your eyes..."_

"…_She's waking up…"_

"…_Come on, Kay."_

"…_It's me, it's your godfather. Please, open your eyes, Molly…"_

The light finally ceased and Kay opened up her eyes, very slowly. Her head was pounding and the room felt like it was spinning but she was awake and _alive_. She gave a tiny gasp of surprise as the real world came into clearer focus and the sight of a doctor looking over her with a smile told her it was all over.

"_Kay,"_ he said, "welcome back." He turned to a colleague, "prepare for vital signs and we'll check her over in five minutes.

"Yes doctor," a nurse nodded and hurried to collect some things.

"Molly." Kay didn't even turn her head, not even her eyes. "Molly, it's _me_. It's Evan. Your godfather."

"Kay?" the doctor peered at her and shone a light in her eyes, "can you hear me?"

"Yes," she croaked, "I can hear you."

"Don't ignore me, Molly," Evan's voice was strained and broken with tears. It took all the willpower Kay had in her body not to turn towards him but it would have done no good.

"Do you remember what happened? The doctor asked and Kay tried to nod her head.

"I was attacked," she whispered, "on a raid."

"You were admitted with severe head trauma," the doctor told her, "we administered drugs to keep you unconscious while we gave your brain a chance to recover. The swelling has gone down and we were able to slowly run down the medication. All the signs so far have shown normal brain function. Now what you need," he stepped back with a smile, "is a lot of rest and some TLC."

"_Kay!"_ a young voice cried as a girl not much younger than Molly was the day Alex was shot rushed through the room and threw her arms around Kay. Kay drew in a tearful breath and hugged her back.

"_Hey, sis,"_ she whispered, "it's good to see you."

"I thought you were never coming back!"

"Don't be silly," Kay whispered, hugging her sibling and knowing for the first time where she got that nose. She almost burst with the number of things that she wanted to say but never could. '_Our mother is happy' -_ that was the main one. But she had to keep those words hidden. Maybe one day she would understand. This wasn't the day.

"Alright, let your sister have a few moments," the doctor said, herding the young girl away, "you too, Mister White."

"Molly," Evan's voice was sad and low. He swallowed as he tried to brush the hair from her face and she flinched away. "_Please_ don't do this," he whispered, "after what's happened… don't you think we should try to start afresh?"

"_You lost your chance when you destroyed the memory of my mother,"_ Kay hissed through gritted teeth, "after what you did to her –"

"What about what I did for _you?"_ Evan hissed frantically, "_Hmm?"_ he swallowed, watching her carefully, "after the sacrifice I made, don't you think I deserve another chance?"

"If it wasn't for your _actions_ there'd have been no sacrifice to _make,"_ Kay hissed, her anger rising.

"I was trying to protect your mother," Evan hissed, "just like I protected _you_," there was anger as well as sorrow on his face now as the doctor approached him, "remember that, Molly. _I protected you."_

"Is anything the matter?" the doctor asked forcefully and Evan stared at the girl who would no longer look him in the eye. Finally he stood up.

"_No_," he whispered, "nothing's the matter." He took a step toward the door. "Goodbye, Molly. You know where to find me if you change your mind." He stared at her, waiting for her to react but she stayed still and silent, ignoring the tear that was falling from her eye until he finally left and the nurse returned to check Kay over.

Kay closed her eyes tightly as she was prodded and poked and remembered the things she had seen; the love between her mother and Gene, all of the happiness Kim had lost when Robin died now back tenfold, the friends who she'd been blessed to see again. It was worth it. _Everything_ had been worth it.

"Kay?" the nurse bought her attention back to the moment as she finished up, "there's one more visitor outside. Are you up to seeing her?"

Kay hesitated.

"Who?" she asked.

"Your Chief Inspector," the nurse told her.

Kay gave a wobbly smile and nodded.

"Yes," she whispered, "please."

"I'll show her in," the nurse smiled and left. A few moments later slow footsteps crept down the corridor and a middle-aged woman with a mousey brown bob arrived at the door.

"Ma'am," Kay croaked with a smile.

"Hello, Kay," the woman smiled warmly and stepped towards her, "it's good to see you awake." She hesitated, "I wasn't sure you would be coming back."

"My dog…" Kay began worriedly but her boss shook her head.

"Being well looked after," she said, "Jason's been taking care of her. Misses _you_ though."

"Thank goodness," Kay sighed and nodded.

"We _all_ miss you," her Chief Inspector told her, "it's not the same without you. So make sure you get your strength back and get yourself back at work as soon as you're ready, OK?"

Kay nodded.

"I'll try," she said.

The woman seemed to hesitate.

"But don't push it," she said, "come back when you're ready. What you've been through... it takes a lot of adjustment."

Kay nodded.

"I'll be fine," she whispered.

"And," the woman continued, "if you ever want to talk about it, you know where to find me. OK?"

Kay nodded.

"Thanks, Ma'am," she whispered.

"I don't just mean about the attack," the woman told her, stepping towards the door, "I mean, _everything_," she gave Kay a warm smile, "and we're not at the station now. It's Kelly. OK?"

Kay nodded slowly.

"Thanks, Kelly," she said.

Kelly smiled fondly then turned and left before she could spill memories that she wasn't sure Kay needed to know. It had been a very long time since her days in another world but it felt sometimes as though they were almost at her fingertips.

"_I hope you said hi from me,"_ she whispered to herself.

~xXx~

_Dear Mum,_

_I never expected to write those words again. Not knowing that you were going to read them, anyway. The last time I wrote them was when I visited the memorial garden to mark the anniversary last year. I couldn't understand why Kim insisted on scattering your ashes there but now I know. It was what you wanted, mum. Now you're together there as much as you are here._

_If you're reading this then I'm already home. I know I'm not staying. I can't. There are people I have to get home to. There's no one special before you wonder, just… a lot of special someones, like you have here. I can see the friendships you've forged and I'm blessed to have them too. You were right - being a part of the police force brings a closeness I couldn't have imagined. I'm so glad I got to experience that._

_You're probably asking yourself why I didn't tell you the minute I arrived. I couldn't, mum. You can see that, can't you? I couldn't get attached and I knew it would be too hard to leave if you looked me in the eye and knew I was your daughter. It's hard enough now that Kim knows. Already don't want to say goodbye but I'm going to have to, and soon._

_I remember the things you told me, and then Kim and also Robin talked to me after you had gone. I understood that your world was a place we go to settle the ghosts from our pasts. You were mine, of course you were. But my question was easier to answer than most. I knew how you died, I just wanted to know if you were happy and I got my answer. You have everything you could want here, and I am so happy for you._

_The only things you don't have are your daughters. I'm so sorry, mum. Maybe one day I will return and next time I'll stay. But please understand that I have my own life to lead first and mine is in a different world. That doesn't mean I love you any the less, just like I understand that leaving me didn't mean you didn't love me. It just means that we have both had to make very hard decisions and follow our hearts. _

_I'm so happy that you have found someone who treats you the way you deserve. I am so happy you have the best friends that anyone could imagine. You deserve the life you are leading. Run with it Mum. Never waste a moment. I will try to live by that example too._

_I've been through many things. I've made some very difficult choices. I've not always made the right ones. But this has helped to show me that I'm on the right path and, so are you._

_I love you, mum. I want to tell you that one last time. I'll blow a kiss and hope you catch it when I open my eyes. And I __**will**__ see you again, some day._

_With love forever,_

_Kay -_

_- Molly x x x_

**The End**

**~xXx~**

_**A/N: After more than 3 years of fics you must all be tired of me waffling on in author's notes by now :) don't worry, I don't blame you for that! But please read this one. It's important.**_

_**First of all, I want to say the biggest thank you imaginable to everyone who's been reading, especially those of you who have reviewed and who I've loved having lengthy conversations with lately – I am feeling more excited and inspired than ever to be writing these stories, in no small part because of the friendships and love they've brought me. And on that note, bonus points to Steph for being the first to figure out who Kay was! I was so proud, and I love you, missus! And the same for Charlotte who's had her Alex brain in and her notebook ready and worked out just about everything, EVER! Love you too but in a purely platonic way! :D**_

_**Over the last few months three people had commented that my fic series needed a name and I always kind of agreed but I was always unsure what, so I finally made a shortlist of Bowie titles (as seems compulsory!) and referred to my official title assistant Jess who helped me out yet again :D The official title for my fic series is…**_

'**Real Cool World' :)**

_**And on that note, a warning about the next fic. My world is about to get darker. A story arc is about to begin based around some adult, disturbing themes. I'll reiterate that it's certainly nothing that both the shows my fics are inspired by haven't featured, not to mention that my own stories have included the subject before but it may be distressing and disturbing. The fic will begin as a T but will rise to M later in the story. It's taken a lot of preparation and effectively I've been working towards this for two years. It means a lot that so many of you are still following this series and I hope you will be there as the next story begins.**_

_**Thank you so much for reading x x x**_


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